please help me

[iambigfatmess]

I went and saw myfamily today for four hours haven't seen them since Christmas dh has gone mad. He is so cpntrolling. I can't do this any more I want toleave but he says I will loose dc

Well done, good luck x

Well done, you made the first step

Hope you are on the road now, good luck and stay strong xxx

Again, i am envisaging practically the whole of mumsnet surrounding this woman's house and car and urging her on, OP i sincerely hope you are on the road, moving and putting the miles between you with your DC, and this abusive waste of skin. Please check in when you can to let us all know how you are......don't stop, don't turn round, DON'T give up x

Just checking in. Hoping you are on your way and feeling stronger with every mile you put between you and him.

You are amazing OP!
The fact your daughter smiled when you told the secret just says it all.
Thank goodness you got out!
x

Your son being loyal to an abusive person is a symptom of the horrible situation. You need to see past that and be secure you are doing what us best for him long-term. He will feel the relief of not treading on eggshells once he feels safe. Good luck.

Another one here rooting for you.
You've come a very long way in a very short time.
Hopefully you are out and on your way to freedom and to your family for the love and support you deserve and need.
Good luck and update us when you can.

Your son is still a child and sometimes we need to do what is best for our children even if this isn't what they say they want. He will be strongly influenced by his dad, all the more reason to remove yourselves from this abusive situation. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Have been thinking of you during the night and come on here as soon as possible. Well done - your dd's smile says it all and your ds will struggle with loyalty, but he is a child and you must do what is right. My ds did too - he was desperate for his dad to be a proper dad but he has grown into a lovely lovely well adjusted boy and now tells me he is so glad we moved away from him and his vile behaviour. Over the years stories of his vile bullying behaviour towards ds (when I wasn't there) have come out and I am so so pleased I moved away. We put 350 miles between us and the relief was immense. I have been willing you to go too all night. Please update us and please change your user name! You are a brave woman and mother and we are here to help you as you adjust to your new situation as a free woman!

You are an inspiration OP. I hope anyone who is in two minds about leaving an abuser reads this thread. What a strong and decisive example you are to your children. They will thank you in the years ahead.

If you have to lie to DS to get him out then do it. Tell him you are going to stay with family for a while or for a holiday.

He is too young to make this decision for himself. You are doing the right thing OP. Please, as PP have said, do imagine us all with you, surrounding you with support as you take these first few steps towards a new life free from abuse and control.

It doesn't matter what lies he tells, the marriage is over and you will get a proper financial settlement. I am assuming you are in the UK so it wouldn't matter what the reason for the marital breakdown was (apart from truly exceptional cases) you could have slept with half his family and the neighbours dog, and you would still get the same financial outcome/child residence outcome as if you had been a model wife ( which I am sure you have been) You actually hold all the cards here OP, he is trying to scare you and you have been conditioned to accept what he says and to fear him.

The fear stops now.

Well done!!! Once your ds speaks with your family he will start to understand that enforcing and bullying is wrong. This time though, you need to insist.
So impressed with your strength and determination.

Just caught up with the thread. Hope all is going well for you xx

Thinking of you OP, good luck

Hi OP have you reached your destination yet? Hope all is ok.

Cheering you on from Australia OP. You are so brave! May this be a beautiful new beginning for you and your DC.

Just checking in OP. hope you and your DC are somewhere safe and peaceful x

We are on our way so tired so stopping lots amd tr

Well done OP. You're brilliant

Well done, keep going. Ignore any phone calls till you get to your destination.

Oh well done OP. I was worried you had been stopped in your tracks.

You are so so brave and your DC will thank you when they get older and really understand what you have done for them.

Keep us posted x

Keep strong Op

OP try to think of this as a big adventure for you and the DC. If you adopt that attitude it will rub off on the DC.

Good luck, we are all here willing you on.

Keep going OP. Wishing you every possible luck xx