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Original poster

DH caught masterbating

310 replies

Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:22

I know most ppl on this board are going to say this is no big deal but I walked in on my DH wanking in the shower today. Door was open I walked in to put some stuff away.

Naive maybe but we have talked about this before and he's always maintained he never does it and doesn't need to as we have sex regularly. We have been married 3 years, together 7 and have a dc aged nearly 1.

So now firstly I feel like he has been lying to me all this time. Fine if when we'd talked about it he said he'd always done it etc. but now I keep thinking back to times when he's been off taking super long in the shower....

Also, we have just come back from holiday together, if he was feeling horny why didn't he just get me, our lo was sleeping at the time.

I feel hurt.

OP posts:
Blushingm · 29/12/2013 20:33

Sorry but I thought most men wanked - often in the shower. I know my dh has/does and other men I know do (vvvv close friends at work and we are all pretty open with each other - men and women)

Sometimes apparently the need just takes them when they are in there - try not to take it too personally, I'm sure he didn't mean it as any sort of slight on you

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:33

You should have said. Oi wait for me and joined him.

Vivacia · 29/12/2013 20:33

I think most do. I think it's healthy too. I think it's healthy and normal not to too.

Vivacia · 29/12/2013 20:34

It's out of order to go around saying others sexual preferences make them a "freak".

octopusinasantasack · 29/12/2013 20:35

sorry but I don't see what the problem is here. I expect that most, if not all, men do it and it's got to be better than other things he could be doing with that attractive blonde half your age!

I expect he was embarrassed to admit to it when you asked him, really it's none of your business if he does.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 29/12/2013 20:35

Umm if he wants to touch his own penis he doesnt have to ask your permission- you do not have first dibs on it or his sexual energy- he gets to decide if he wants sex or not. Not you.

TheArticFunky · 29/12/2013 20:35

It's none of your business. He doesn't need to declare his intentions to you.

InTheRedCorner · 29/12/2013 20:38

Is this why my DH takes sooo long in the shower then? He certainly isn't deep conditioning his hair!

phoolani · 29/12/2013 20:38

I don't understand the hostility here. As far as I can see, it's not really the fact that he's wanking that's the problem, but the fact that he lied and said he never did it?? Or am I missing something? The lie would certainly bother me (tho, TBH, I'd tell DH he was a big fat liar if he'd ever said that to me). And yes, sometimes we all just fancy a quick wank, even if somebody is 'available'. I know I do.

Vivacia · 29/12/2013 20:39

Am I the only one reading what she's saying? OP has a problem that her husband has lied to her about this, not that he did it.

Original poster
Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:39

Yes exactly, thanks

OP posts:
everlong · 29/12/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minnieisthechristmasmouse · 29/12/2013 20:40

Because frankly sometimes one is better at it oneself.

It truly is feck all to do with you.

pictish · 29/12/2013 20:40

Oh goodness - OP having a wank doesn't neccessarily have to indicate you want to have sex with someone. Hence if you'll pardon the expression 'to knock one out'.

Don't be hurt. There's no need. Accept that he sometimes has a wank, and forget about it.

Don't you ever masturbate?

BarbarianMum · 29/12/2013 20:41

Masturbation is different from sex with you though - at least I would hope it was. Maybe he wanted an orgasm without thinking about another person's needs? That's normal and frankly better to get this alone in the shower then when he's in bed with you.

I don't think I'd lie to dh about when/how much I masturbate but I certainly don't think it's any of his business, as long as it doesn't affect our time together. I've certainly never asked him, and just assume he does it.

WarmFuzzyFuture · 29/12/2013 20:41

So what do you want to have happen OP?

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:42

I think he lied because he didn't want to upset you.

Maybe he knew you would feel rejected or summat.

mrssmith79 · 29/12/2013 20:42

Poor fella

Minnieisthechristmasmouse · 29/12/2013 20:42

Surely though it's the kind of lie he didn't expect to be believed.....?!?!?

Like, yup, at a size 16 (ahem) you look slim in that skin tight mini dress, not a bit stuffed in at all....?!

Blushingm · 29/12/2013 20:42

Maybe he didn't want to upset you so it was easier to say he didn't than explain when why and for how long

I'm sure he didn't lie to upset you probably more so that he didn't upset you and didn't know how/want to explain the need........it's probably something he's always done but sensed you wouldn't like it?????

Bahhhhhumbug · 29/12/2013 20:43

BonaDrag very apt name for this thread btw Grin

'They all do it. All of them. Those who don't are lying'

or as my DH says : 'There are two types of men : wankers and liars'.

shushpenfold · 29/12/2013 20:43

Really - for goodness sake! Wanders off wondering if the OP is 15.

BarbarianMum · 29/12/2013 20:43

Maybe he lied because it is private to him? Even in marriage you are allowed privacy. Not being snidey, but it is one of those things that some people don't like to share. Like sexual fantasies - fine to share, fine to keep private.

rpitchfo · 29/12/2013 20:44

Masturbation can be a very private thing. Although generally people are much more outgoing and open in discussing masturbation it can still be a source of embarrassment (especially if you feel your partner might be a little upset or put out by it "why didn't he just get me").

OP do you ever lie about small private things to save yourself embarrassment?

chipsandpeas · 29/12/2013 20:44

sometimes a bit of DIY is needed