DH caught masterbating

[Alexa007]

I know most ppl on this board are going to say this is no big deal but I walked in on my DH wanking in the shower today. Door was open I walked in to put some stuff away.

Naive maybe but we have talked about this before and he's always maintained he never does it and doesn't need to as we have sex regularly. We have been married 3 years, together 7 and have a dc aged nearly 1.

So now firstly I feel like he has been lying to me all this time. Fine if when we'd talked about it he said he'd always done it etc. but now I keep thinking back to times when he's been off taking super long in the shower....

Also, we have just come back from holiday together, if he was feeling horny why didn't he just get me, our lo was sleeping at the time.

I feel hurt.

Jaffa I think put it very well

I do think you need to decide what hurt you most - the fact you caught him and saw him, the fact his does it or the fact he'd previously denied it?

DP denies he masturbates even tho the only time he locks the bathroom door is to have a long shower.
I've asked him if he locks it when he's having a wank and he flat out denies it.

Oh FFS, sorr OP but its stupid that you post on a site such as MN where you know the number and variety of responses you will get and then you get all shitty because you don't like what others have said, grow a pair.

You do come across as a little controlling and edgy (just going by your posts of course) and I really do think this is becoming a mountain from what should be a mole hill.

He lied because the conversation went, ''Do you ever masturbate?

And he heard - in other words, 'do you think I'm not good enough> Not hot enough or sexy enough to provide all your sexual needs?' So he thought, 'oh crap, I'd better fib. 'No darling, of course not.'

And as for all the ''but they all do it' type comments, by 'they all' surely this means WE all; as in humans, and not gender specific?

I'm for equality, not dominance - by either gender.

After you got over the shock and disappointment of him lying to you I hope you finished him off, or at least let him finish? Or was it just a hard to soft ending

You do no it's natural to masturbate right?????

C'mon you lot, stop being so hard on OP (no pun intended..seriously!).
She felt the way she felt at the time; its far kinder and supportive to give her some pointers as to why it's no big deal (as some lovely posters have done upthread).

I do indulge and wouldn't be worried or hurt a jot if a partner also did. I'm getting the impression the lying thing is what bothered you the most Alexa. I have to agree with other posters that it's a little white lie and I've actually lied about it in the past too as I was a little embarrassed to admit to it! silly I know

This has all got a bit silly and out of proportion. I and several others have said: all men wank or that so many do that those who don't and do not have a medical reason for not doing so are a vanishingly small number. This has been attacked as a statement because I cannot possibly know all men. I am sorry because this was a rough shorthand. I highlighted research showing that many surveys showed that 95% of men confirm they masturbate. For the purposes of this argument I do not see any point in belabouring the distinction between "all" and "95%". The point is the surprising thing would be to come across a man who does not. That is the only relevant point. I am sorry if people have got bogged down on the fact 95% is not the same as all.
Some posters have also then angrily argued that women masturbate too. Well of course. But the OP was asking about her DH. And there does appear to be a distinction between the proportion of men and women who masturbate. Again repeated studies show the proportion of women who masturbate is roughly 75%. In my shorthand I would probably have said this can be described as "most". Again for the purposes of the subject at hand the exact figure does not matter.
The general point is simply if you ask a woman if she masturbates and she says no, then she is in a minority but there are plenty of other women like her. If you ask a man and he says no, he is in a very small minority and most other men would be quite surprised.
I make no judgement about any of this. It's just the best assessment that attempts to study this can reach. It happens to coincide with my anecdotal experience and I suspect the vast majority of posters on this site. These points really do not need to be argued about anymore. (My one concern is that so many people find any of this surprising. This was the kind of stuff I learned at adolescence including through the sex education books I was given. I am a bit bemused that so many grown adults find the broad facts about the propensity of people to masturbate a subject of uncertainty and debate.)
I am glad the OP has returned and I would like to say that if I have offended her with any of my posts I am sorry, it was not my intention. It is not my place to assess how distressed you are by a situation, only you can know that.
But you asked for advice and I gave it - when your DH told you he did not masturbate, you should have been surprised. If I had a male partner and he told me he did not wank I would be sufficiently surprised to want to know more about why not.
As I said before, I was surprised you were not surprised. I was also surprised he said he did not wank and did not expect a surprised response from you.
Perhaps this does indicate a huge chasm of honesty in your relationship. I don't know. My guess is that it is no more than an embarrassed white lie and not a serious issue.
But you asked for views and mine is that I am rather surprised by the whole situation.
That enough surprises from me.

Angus99-you thread killer.

Oh...

This cropped upon another advice page

HTH