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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH caught masterbating

310 replies

Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:22

I know most ppl on this board are going to say this is no big deal but I walked in on my DH wanking in the shower today. Door was open I walked in to put some stuff away.

Naive maybe but we have talked about this before and he's always maintained he never does it and doesn't need to as we have sex regularly. We have been married 3 years, together 7 and have a dc aged nearly 1.

So now firstly I feel like he has been lying to me all this time. Fine if when we'd talked about it he said he'd always done it etc. but now I keep thinking back to times when he's been off taking super long in the shower....

Also, we have just come back from holiday together, if he was feeling horny why didn't he just get me, our lo was sleeping at the time.

I feel hurt.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 29/12/2013 21:03

I was feeling expansive and welcoming? As you do?

neiljames77 · 29/12/2013 21:06

Plus, you don't have to look your best.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 29/12/2013 21:06

Exp used to 'appear' whilst i was in the shower. I never locked the door because you could hear the shower very clearly so would know not to go in. Or so one would think! I would be rinsing my hair, open my eyes and there he was standing watching me. Now for me, the shower is just about the best therapy i can get. Its my sanctuary so his intusion was just that- an intrusion so i started locking the door and he started asking what i had to hide! Shock not relevant to thread at all. Just dont live with freaks, for those who are yet to learn that. Grin

JuneauWhoIAm · 29/12/2013 21:07

I'll put it to you this way OP.
Some times I tell DH I want an early night, not with him. Just because I'm tired.

I go to bed and guess what... I masturbate. Twice if I can.
I don't want cock, I want a quick release. I don't want to worry if he's enjoying it, I just want to, wank.

I can't imagine him on dadsnet, wringing his hands because I had a sneaky feel.
We have a healthy sex life together, sometimes I just want sex on my own.

NoComet · 29/12/2013 21:08

Hurt?
WTF, My DH doesn't do it in the shower (he hates showers, he takes about 30 seconds) he does it openly in the bed next to me.

It's me who's been known to use the shower, again quite openly.

Mastibation is part of life, not a dirty secret

thisismyYuleTimenickname · 29/12/2013 21:12

So is wives being jealous of their husband's wanking a thing or is it some kind of fetish because I've seen a couple of threads like this now.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 21:13

I'm mostly amazed at the number of different ways to misspell masturbation.

everlong · 29/12/2013 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FetaCheeny · 29/12/2013 21:17

Not everyone masturbates. People aren't bizarre or a freak because they don't. It's like the 'every man watches porn' thing. It's simply not true. Lack of libido is a huge problem in some marriages and isn't necessarily restricted to lack of libido with ones partner.
Back on track... OP you should ask yourself why he needed to lie, do you make him feel guilty for doing it?

neiljames77 · 29/12/2013 21:17

Is the problem because you think he might be fantasizing about another woman/women while he's "wringing his hands"? (as JuneauWhoIAm calls it)

Lweji · 29/12/2013 21:18

Maybe it was his first and you spoiled it for him. Shame on you, OP>

Bowlersarm · 29/12/2013 21:20

Oh FFS, what a ridiculous OP.

madmomma · 29/12/2013 21:21

How ridiculous

AngelinaK · 29/12/2013 21:21

Hunny I can see u r upset but please try not to be...
Most peope sometimes masturbate - even when the sex life is great and we love the other person. I masturbate a lot even though I have an amazing lover. Its faster and mess free ;)
Sometimes I'm just too tired for sex...
Please dont be too hard on him. Good thing is that he wasnt watching porn :) just a nice qnd clean wank :)

Please try not to be upset

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 29/12/2013 21:23

I'm with Lweji on the spelling, and with Juneau about the actual masturbating.

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 21:24

God,I'd be more upset at being addressed as hunny than dp bashing one off

phoolani · 29/12/2013 21:25

Well, they kept trying to tell me, but I never did see it for myself before. But some people on here really are just fucking nasty. Who knew? What a bunch of wankers you are (boom boom).

neiljames77 · 29/12/2013 21:26

I hope you didn't shout at him for it.

waltermittymissus · 29/12/2013 21:29

phoolani are you drunk?

TheBookofRuth · 29/12/2013 21:30

Poor neiljames! Can you get yourself a potting shed with a lock on the door, maybe?

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 29/12/2013 21:30

OP it is completely normal, we all do it I think.
The main problem you seem to have is that he lied to you.
I would be worried about why he had the need to lie to you, maybe he didn't want to admit to it because you are so against it for some reason.
perhaps you are naïve and think that masturbation is something your oh does when you are unavailable, ill, etc.
Well it isn't like that at all.
Talk to him, apologise for your freakiness and then ask him why he lied to you.

Tikkamasala · 29/12/2013 21:35
Confused

He hasn't done anything wrong. Masturbating is normal and I don't think it is any reflection on his sex life with you. I don't think its true that people don't need to masturbate if they have regular sex. They are different things.

Wouldn't cross my mind to be bothered if I walked I and saw my dp masturbating in the shower. He is probably just lying if you've made it into a thing and he thinks you have an issue about it.

Vivacia · 29/12/2013 21:37

I agree with what phoolani said.

waltermittymissus · 29/12/2013 21:39

Really, Vivacia?

Where have people been "just fucking nasty"?

Genuinely don't see it!

neiljames77 · 29/12/2013 21:39

TheBookofRuth- I'm not at it all the time like some chimp up a tree.
I only do it every now and then, honest.

(plus, after a while she'd wonder why I hadn't grown any plants or flowers)