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Original poster

Dating thread 56 all welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 15/06/2013 21:12

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop
OP posts:
Original poster
Kirstywirsty · 15/06/2013 22:50

broken I think even your user name suggests that you aren't ready .. I was 9 months before I dated and another 2 months before I had sex with him.. Be kind to yourself

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 15/06/2013 22:52

That's not all that long, Broken, but it's all to do with how you feel in yourself rather than how long it's been. I'm not trying to put you off at all but if you're not feeling "up" and self-confident then dating can be a bit difficult. I really don't want to tell you what to do at all apart from saying just be sure in yourself that you're ready.

pornstarmartini · 15/06/2013 22:53

pom sounds like fun. An hour away isn't bad. I'll message you the username of the one I've been chatting to. He's nice and attractive but I kinda feel out of his league. Photo was taken last night before I went out. I do not look like that today. Finally got out of bed at 5pm. Had a bath and ate. I'm detoxing for 4 weeks now

OhWesternWind · 15/06/2013 22:56

Pom. Oooh he sounds promising! Great if you can make each other laugh, that's so important. Do you think you'll meet up?

Pomegranatenoir · 15/06/2013 23:01

martini he isnt out of your league. Not at all!!!

oww maybe, just maybe!!! Ive not been on a date for ages now. It's been months. I get bit scared but not too scared not to go for it if I want to! Just way more selective of who I give my time to!

T2710 · 15/06/2013 23:21

I have a random question for you all. How many messages received do you ignore, and if you ignore, why is this? I'm not sure if I'm being too picky initially and not giving people a chance due to my idealist ideas :-s

brokenhearted55 · 15/06/2013 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

T2710 · 15/06/2013 23:29

Broken, I've been single about as long as you. Broke up with ex as he cheated (amongst other things) but was still pretty damn upset.
I Went on a few dates with zero expectations after a short while and met someone I liked, saw him a few times, and whilst it hasnt gone anywhere, it's really helped me to move on from ex. I'm still hurt, but I no longer cry over him and really ding care that he's in a new relationship now. Just don't pressure yourself and enjoy just going out!

Pomegranatenoir · 15/06/2013 23:30

broken I say go for it. You are not marrying the man you are just going on a date. It's good to meet other people. I really believe that people are brought into our lives for a reason. He might not be the one for you (although he may well be!) but you could get a lot out of the experience. My first date after my ex left was a lovely man. Not for me but he helped me massively. We met up quite a few times and he was great to talk to but no spark. Hope it goes well

OhWesternWind · 15/06/2013 23:32

T I ignore anything like Hi. Or Hey. Or How's you. Etc etc etc. Also anything rude or smutty. If the message is decent and they've put a bit of thought and effort in I will generally reply (unless it's the stalker weirdo guy who's currently hounding me on two sites).

Broken, love, if you still love your ex then wait a while until you feel like moving on with someone else. Don't think that it's six months so you ought to be dating, or whatever, it doesn't work like that. I waited eighteen months before I felt like dating again because my ex had put me off men so badly and I'm glad I did.

Pomegranatenoir · 15/06/2013 23:34

t I ignore anyone that I that doesn't fit my criteria. The criteria has got more finely tuned the longer I've been on pof but there has to be something there to pull you in. If someone is borderline then I give them the benefit of the doubt but they have to work for it!! Ha ha. You deserve the very best

T2710 · 15/06/2013 23:48

Sounds like I do about the same as you both! Fab.

TortillasAndChocolate · 16/06/2013 00:04

Thank you. I'll wait to see if the guy from POF messages when he's back from his trip and will meet up with him if he does - I kind of like the fact I'm on the fence about him. I think if I was thinking 'wow' I would be setting myself up for disappointment whereas this way a spark is just a bonus, but not something I'm banking on.

The ex friend of the ex (that sounds ridiculous!) is such a lovely guy - I think the fact he isn't over confident with women is the reason he's still single. He's about 5 years older than me - but he does live 300 miles away! Although I go there semi-regularly as it's where ex-p's family live so I visit with DS. Anyway, he's travelling this way for work soon and asked if I fancied meeting for a drink. He may just mean as friends and not have any other interest in me - but I think I'll go for the drink and see.

So far on POF I have been ignoring 'hi'' and 'hey babe' etc. I ignore a lot more than I reply to so not sure if I'm being a bit picky. It's so difficult to have a clue if you'll fancy someone.

Juliette - really hope you're ok. I can't stand lying. My ex was and still is a huge liar about serious things and really trivial pointless things. I can imagine how you must feel. But I hope this was a one off in this case as it had all been going so well until now

TortillasAndChocolate · 16/06/2013 00:07

mercury you're right. Maybe I need to rethink this ex friend of an ex thing - or maybe the 2 negatives equal a positive and it's all just meant to be. Grin

MagzFarqharson · 16/06/2013 00:20

Two of my lovely friends have been scammed by the 'ooo my child has a terrible illness and needs an airfare to somefuckinwhere' Luckily they both stopped in time to realise it was all fake, but only a few weeks/days ago... i've advised them to come on here and read threads, compare experiences etc...i've lurked on your thread every now and again and gained some valuable information myself.....where to start? I know they'll get some invaluable support if they come on here won't they xxx

mercury7 · 16/06/2013 00:39

Tortilla, very true! you could look at it from a mathematical or a grammatical perspective, take your pick Wink

mercury7 · 16/06/2013 00:42

Scammed:( oh dear:(
I dont recall being approached by anyone who seemed to be that kind of a scammer.
Do you know what sites your friends were using Magz?

Poogate · 16/06/2013 06:20

Hello again everyone, I have another question for you, oh wise ones. What is it with OD men (and women, perhaps) that disappear for a couple of weeks and then send a text saying "hi, how are you?", like its totally normal to have a few dates and then f off for a bit and then reappear.

This to me is bad form, but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Has this happened to anyone else? Is it normal? Am I over sensitive?

KinNora · 16/06/2013 07:00

Hello Poogate that's easily answered, yes it is bad form, yes a fair number of people do that kind of thing (absolutely no idea why) and no, you're not being over-sensitive in the slightest - he had his chance and cocked it up, it's a big bye bye now for him.

SmallChanges · 16/06/2013 07:30

Morning thread 56!

Morning and hello Pooh (I've added the 'h' for my own comfort Grin).

Morning Twin

I am on the sofa, Lab is a busy bee, so arranging us getting together has become increasingly difficult. Might see him next week, but it feels as though it is fizzling out IMO.

Am off to the gym, for a exhausting but necessary session.

KinNora · 16/06/2013 07:34

Morning Twinny - gym ?

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 16/06/2013 08:04

Date #2 went well. Very well Grin

velvetspoon · 16/06/2013 08:20

Feel suddenly exhausted at the thought of the gym on a Sunday! (actually tbh the gym on any day has that effect on me...)

Had 9 hours of much needed sleep last night. Feel slightly less of a teary mess now. Woke up to 2 whatsapp messages, 3 facebook notifications and an email. But of course none of it from C.

superdooperpenguin · 16/06/2013 08:42

Happy father's day to bant and bill and any other boys I've missed!

Velvet I'm sorry to hear about C, i think dating can be so cruel and really hope someone fabulous is about to pop on the scene for you. I think you've been very brave, it's easy to settle when you like someone so much but you're standing up for yourself, well done you.

bill - Italian has a decision to make, it's good you've been clear about where you stand. Hopefully she will realise how fabulous you are and stick with you.

I had an amazing date on Fri night, I've been all warm and glowy ever since! We went to the pub in his village and I met some of his friends and got on really well with everyone. It's the first time I've been to his house and we ended up drunk and in his hot tub at 1am, I've left my underwear drying at his house!

The trouble is when I have a few good dates I have a tendency to turn into a phone checking mentalist! I can't stop checking my phone to see if he's replied to a text or tried to call and I'm driving myself crazy with it!

Snapespeare · 16/06/2013 09:15

Thread mark and wave, good morning daters! Happy Father's Day to the good-guys! :)