Dating thread 56 all welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

DS is back from his dads. Ex promised me some money today as hasn't paid maintenance since march. I just asked him for it and was told he'd give it to me on Wednesday - I said look I am really short and he got really angry and said I'm impatient and unreasonable. Oh well.

DS and I are having a cuddle in front of Peppa pig. He's my date for this evening

Once he's in bed I might have a browse on POF and see if there is anyone worth catching. I'm so lazy I tend to wait for people to message me but maybe I need to be more proactive...

Place marking too.

Velvet, how are you feeling today. Hope you are a bit brighter. FWIW, I think C not replying is terrible and I would find that very difficult to deal with.

Juliette, are you OK?

Nothing much to report from me, still going strong with my man. Think after over 3 years of seeing him I should call him LT. Had another great night together. I know we will probably never progress to a serious moving in type relationship and I should really look for that now that I have a grown up child and am free, but I carn't face the thought of breaking up. He might have to do it for it to end for good, but no signs of him wanting to either.

Hello to newbies and everyone else.

Oops, hope I haven't jinked it giving him a name, well initials aren't really a name, are they?

I really don't understand people who are just there to chat. What do they get out of it??

Tortillas answer might be to go via the CSA - they can't backdate though so might be an idea to try and get him to pay what he owes then when he's done that hand the whole thing over to the CSA. What an arse.

Django hope you find some chat-worthy men tonight. I think you're right, lots of men don't really want to date or only date very infrequently. Odd, can't see why you'd be in a dating site then ... I think as a general rule if they've not asked for a date within a week or so then they're not going to.

Alpha Scot is now ensconced on the Continent, cue much viewing of my profile (once last night and twice today) and he's messaged me via the site. Haven't had chance to read it yet. Feel like I'm putting all my eggs in one (or two!) baskets at the mo with him and I'm also texting College Bloke who has asked me out in principle but has failed to actually make any arrangrments. Haven't been online for a while, don't feel in the mood for it really. No dates lined up for next week which feels very weird. Can't remember the last time I had a week without at least one date!

I think that's fine, Broken. The thing is if it feels right to you - no pressurising you into meeting before you feel comfortable, no feeling that he's holding out on you or making silly excuses not to meet. Are you happy with how it's all gone?

No alarm bells for me at all with those timings though.

I think that's a fine timeframe broken :)

I reiterate what was said up thread (I think...) with regards to time passed between break up and dating again. I think different people have different time frames. I was dating within weeks of finding out XP was having an affair I say dating, I mean catching up on ONS I probably wasn't in the right place mentally or emotionally to enter into another relationship, but feeling attractive and desirable certainly helped me on the way to recovery. I would approach with caution and think of it as a bit of fun and starting to heal from XPs behaviour and treatment by getting back out there (& it's ok to have a little cry after dates! I remember crying that a perfectly reasonable chap wasn't XP! XP who had fucked me over! Because we had made a promise by having DCs and he had broken the promise and therefore wasn't who I thought he was)

anyway, I think entering into dating now is fine, the time elapsed between initial contact etc is fine and the proposal to meet on the 22nd is fine. I refer you to the thread rules. :) don't get emotionally invested, tread with caution and just look forwards to what will hopefully be a nice date with someone lovely. NIC nothing comes of it, then you're just a little further on in your journey. :)

Seeing Bloomings comment made me think how lucky I am, and my kids are - I've dropped them back with their mum now and, barring the occasional argument, it's mostly okay. I helped them make stuff for mothers day, she helped them make stuff for today (and presumably chose the toblerone)

But you lot who have to play mother and father all year round with little help - just my exhaustion - happy tired but tired all the same - puts me in awe of the lot of you who do it all year round, 24/7, with little or no help.

So, have an extra tonight. If that's not incredibly condescending. Sorry if it is.

Thanks Western - I may well go through CSA. The only problem is he runs his own business so will make out he earns next to nothing. I have no way of knowing what he should really be paying. It's frustrating.

Ok DS about to go to bed. Lets hope there are some hot witty men on POF just waiting to chat to me...

Have now got round to watching 'dates' and love it. I keep wondering what the characters would post on this thread... Agree definitely lots of red flags. Quite liked the surgeon and Mia together.

Pomegranate - disappointing behaviour from your DC's dad. They're lucky to have you.

Two days until my first ever date (if he doesn't cancel), so I've done some more Internet stalking and have a question. He lives with a female housemate who is the same age as both of us and absolutely stunning. She's also doing OD. Is this a red flag? Surely if you lived with someone of the opposite sex who is also looking, you'd at least think about it, wouldn't you? She seems very tall blonde and skinny and one of her profile pictures is of her boobs... He mentioned they go clubbing with friends every weekend and he's very passionate about this I'm not really the clubbing type

My ex dropped the kids back half hour late no apology just blamed it on ds not wanting to stop playing with his cousins. Then had this lovely Convo

Me: "see you in 2 weeks then"

Twunt: "erm no I can't I have got a gig (to see not play) in London so I can't have them on the sat"
Me: "oh right. Still okay for Sunday then"
Twunt: "no I might have a hangover"
Me: "how about you don't drink"
Twunt: "I'm not saying I will drink but I'm not risking my licence just to drive here to see the kids"
Me: "you make some brilliant decisions"
Twunt: "well this is all your fault!"
Me: "really? All my fault??! I can hand in heart say that this whole situation is completely your fault. I could go into details but I've got better things to do"

God give me strength!!!

So guys, in your wisdom can you advise me. Do I allow him to see the kids one day next weekend (and them miss a party because he refuses to take them to parties) and then one day 2 weeks after or stand by my guns and write off the visit he can't make and have the next visit in 4 weeks time? He only sees them fortnightly - his choice!!

Have to say I really am seeing him for what he is - manipulative moron!! With terrible taste in clothes!!!! Ha ha

brokenhearted good luck. If you go and meet him, you will probably have more idea how 'ready' you are to date based on how you feel afterwards. But some positive attention can't hurt. And if you suddenly think you've rushed it and aren't ready, there's nothing to stop you putting dating on hold.
You'll be changing your name to heartmended before you know it.

Depends on your kids - would they miss him a lot? If not, I'd say stick to the schedule, and if he chooses other things over his kids, his loss. I'm always glad when I have a bit of extra time with DD and we don't have to see her tosser father.

They are both pretty young and used to him not being around. They don't have any expectation to see him. He doesn't even call them on the phone so I don't think they would miss him. Dd doesn't really know him as he left when she was 5 weeks old. Ds loves his dad but doesn't expect to see him. It's a toughie!

Pom my ex brought DS back half an hour late and didnt even acknowledge he was late. Also didnt say thanks for his present or anything.

Has your ex asked for next weekend or were you just planning to offer it? If next weekend interferes with your plans I'd say don't budge. But things like that make me angry on the kids' behalf.

Pom

Firstly -he refuses to take them to parties? What a twat.

Secondly - if he chooses not to have them that weekend because he'll be too hungover, confirm that by email with him (diplomatically phrased of course)

Thirdly, if he can't make his weekend because of something like that, I'd write off the weekend and not rearrange because you've already made plans for the other weekends you have them (even if those plans don't exist) It's unreasonable of him to expect you to cancel plans because he's planning on getting pissed. So you can document he's spending less than one weekend a fortnight with them, and his maintenance payments will be increased accordingly, if those haven't already been finalised.

The half hour late thing - well these things do happen, especially with young kids involved, but no apology is a bit off.

Hrrm - I've lived with single attractive housemates before and there just wasn't anything happening between us - we were friends, that's all. No spark = no involvement. (I may have possibly slept with several of her friends though) -

The passion about clubbing is a bit strange though, if you're not into them. Very different lifestyles if he describes himself as 'passionate' about it.

brokenhearted I know what you mean. I've kind of avoided dating a bit until now because the thought of starting from scratch is so depressing. It's hard to imagine getting from where I am now to having a huge connection with someone and being in love again etc.
it's just so rare that I get that spark with anyone.

But it will happen - I'm bloody determined it will. And the more time that goes on, the less I can remember the things I liked about my ex.

There is a tendency on OD Hrrm for people to overuse "passionate". But if it's a big thing for him and you hate it that might not be an issue. But remember 97% of first dates are duds (fact) so I wouldn't sweat that yet if there are other connections.

And I wouldn't worry about the housemate. Either you're right and they have thought about it and it hasn't worked, or there's just no spark etc. I hate this expectation that just because two people are single they should be hooking up. If that was the case OD would have a much better success rate than it does

bill, Bant , Respect! My DC did not do anything with STBXH today.
Juliette M, I am thinking of you. Are you ok?
Meet Up guy and I have now had 5 v nice indeed overnights & decided Sat to spend a day together. Low key, a walk, visited a charming village, tea & cake, then back to mine for dinner. V successful. The overnights have been fab, but my concern is that there would be no where to go - after fireworks, then what? But I find the experience is deepening, IYKWIM. The L-word is emerging in my thoughts. "Rules" would say, wait for him to say it. Last night he said he "cared deeply." Part of me says words are meaningless. So I either wait or blurt.