Dating thread 56 all welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

Bant, just read your 13 tips - I PMSL at number 7 ( only 1 picture of your horse)- in my world that can be a problem!

Broken - I keep saying this, but does that sound okay to you? Are you happy having a coffee? Would you prefer to do something else?

It sounds fine, although personally I'd like to know if we're eating out or not so I can have something beforehand if necessary.

Glad you're home safe Juliette.

Hey all.

I've been trying to embrace OD for a while. I get lots of 'views' and 'winks' and messages etc. But I'm picky in RL so responding to hazy, badly taken self portraits is a no-no for me. Every now and again (today) a 'gem' comes up but wtf he lives too far away - aarrgghh!!!!

just wanted to vent here.

ranger - that translates for men as 'no more than one picture of you holding a fish'

Are you really interested in the size of fish a man has caught? We're generally not interested in the horse you ride. To most of us, it's a world we don't understand. It may even translate as 'no more than one picture of your Ford Cortina' as some men have a relationship with their cars in the same way some women have a relationship with their horse. People are weird.

On a related note, I was just winked at by a woman in Hungaria who has 22 photos on her profile. 3 of them have her in it. The others are forests, buildings, windswept roads, a beach or two, some fields. Oh and a horse. In a field. Alone.

That really gives me no information about her apart from she has a camera, or access to google, and she likes pictures of things.

Not much help when trying to choose a date, or possible life-partner, really.

Yes, I'm not sure I'd like that either Broken! You could text back and say you've only got an hour or so, so just a coffee and a walk would be good. Keeping it short if you're not sure can be a good idea - you can always stay longer if things are going really well.

I'm sure it will all be fine.

bant or someone else here- can you point me in the direction of your 13 tips please?
Thanks.

Wisey that's really frustrating. Is he definitely too far away?

I'm feeling all inadequate now due to lack of livestock on my profile ...

broken - no, don't say anything. It's a common thing to do when dating - you can both choose to call it quits because there's no chemistry rather than sit through an interminable meal with someone you feel uncomfortable with.

The chances are, you'll meet, it'll be okayish, you'll go on to dinner and eat and chat, but there'll be no spark. Probably 50% of my dates have been like that, maybe more. With some there has been an alchohol-induced spark, which I now try and avoid by avoiding drinking too much during the meal or pre-meal drinks, but if she turns up and I think 'oh, nice' then I'll drink a bit more than if she turns up and I go 'oh, shame'. Attraction is an instant thing for me (but I'm a bloke) - spark is something more and requires two-way interaction. Oomph, as I call it, is both those combined with something extra. Oomph is very rare. Very.

But it happens, and you have to have the first two to get it. Which means time, maybe a bit of alcohol and food.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. And, to be honest, expect something in the middle

He says it's a shame we live so far apart. North London to Kent. Far away I think if we're both looking for a relationship (eventually) and a half hour coffee date if def out of the question! But there was something really nice about his messages though?

So I refined my search to much nearer home. Most of the time I can't be bothered much but when I am bothered to try I get a bit disheartened.

I've never had anyone say to me we can have something to eat if we get on though Bant - bit odd! I know that's what happens but it's strange to actually come out and say it so bluntly at the planning stage.

OWW I never included my horses on my profile. They are an expensive luxury

Juliette glad you're home safely.

Stranger thank you for the handhold about my Dad. I found a photo of me and him today, taken when I was 2. I've been looking for it for ages. It being the 70s, my dad had longish hair, skinny flares and tinted glasses :) I showed the DSs who said 'our granddad was cool wasn't he?' which made me . And made up for the fact they saw their own father for precisely 5 minutes today because he was 'busy'. Not to be honest they were too bothered.

to everyone else. Sorry I have been rather pre-occupied with my own woes to get to grips with everyone's latest stuff, I will try and pick it up and comment properly!

So, I've had a better day. No tears, actually a little bit of feeling empowered (for want of a better word). Did some stuff in the garden, which is getting there, and while I was out there looking at it and the house thought I am really lucky to have the stuff I do, and a job I love. I fully expect this is a bit of a false dawn, and I will be crying over C, the dumping by silence and the general men don't see me as relationship material before the week is out, but for the moment I'm trying not to think about that too much...

I've said 'if things are going well, we can move on somewhere for food' before - but that was with people I'd had a conversation with about maybe there being no spark and stuff.

The date was coffee, maybe drinks but see how we go, not dinner-but-we-may-cut-it-short, if that makes sense

Happy Fathers Day Bill and Bant both brilliant Dads. Also to any single Dad's quietly lurking out there.

Wisey is that Kent as in Sarf East London or happy peasant folk picking apples?

Broken - there is rule 5, if it's not fun, stop. There is also 1,2,3 and 4.

Don't feel like this date will 'fix' you, if you're really feeling broken. You need to be okay with yourself before you can be happy with other people. You need the thick skin to deal with wankers, disappearers, and rejection. You don't owe the man anything at all, and all the emotional investment may screech to a stop when you actually see him.

But, if you're open to taking the risk, you may have a nice evening with a nice bloke, without any pressure. There may be chemistry, there may not. It could be there is chemistry and you're not ready to deal with it yet - which is fine - it's a lesson learned.

The point is, you can only date if you're ready to, not because you think you should be ready to so let's go and do it. And also, conversely, that getting out there will make you more prepared to get out there again. No one can make the choice for you and we'll all support you whatever you choose.

Wisey - I found them - here are Bant's profile rules

(halfway down that page)

Bant can't find them, would you mind cutting and pasting again here please?