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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
fryingpantoface · 03/04/2013 16:24

Stay strong OP x

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 03/04/2013 16:25

"hi, this is a surprise, is the wife asleep? Miss you"

Fuck. He will not be able to lie his way out of this one.

Am so sorry op, what a complete bastard. Telling you it was a mate and he didn't phone because he didn't want to get embroiled in an argument on the phone was spineless and mean of him. By the time you see him next she will have let him know she got that message and replied so it will be interesting to see what fucking load of bollocks he has cooked up this time.

So, so sorry Sad

WeAreSix · 03/04/2013 16:27

What an evil thing to do. Firstly for cheating and lying but then lying again when confronted.

OW obviously knows she's seeing a married man, does she have no self respect?! What kind of person could be so vile!

pictish · 03/04/2013 16:53

Never mind the OW...she's not married to the OP. She's just a woman withsuch low self esteem as to accept the role of bit on the side, as good enough for her.

The dh is the cheat and the liar.

captainbarnacle · 03/04/2013 16:53

So sorry :( Bet he is kicking himself now. He is such a loser.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 03/04/2013 16:58

and it's not what I think

This problem doesn't have anything to do with you.
Make it clear to him "there is nothing wrong with the way you think". End every sentence to him with that phrase for a hundred or so times.
That makes me so Angry on your behalf, to pile that on top of it all.

Reread what lisac99 said at the top of the page maybe even print it out. Excellent post.

C'loserville, Wink, close his hiney out pronto. And good for you for moving forward in getting his things packed and out. I am sorry that it is so sudden. But you know, sometimes Plan B can outshine Plan A by miles.

Jux · 03/04/2013 17:03

So sorry. Will be thinking of you; if holding your hand keeps you strong then here's mine...

EyePad · 03/04/2013 17:07
  1. Your dh sounds as thick as shit.
  1. The 'other person' called you 'the wife'. This in itself sounds very strange. It is a very blokey thing to say?
  1. I would wait for him to say whatever it is, because something doesn't ring right here. BUT of course have your bullshitometer at the ready.
Ahhhcrap · 03/04/2013 17:11

Be prepared for all amount of bull shit to come from him. He'll prob only admit to what you already know so don't be afraid to stay quiet to let him fill the silence.
I'll be buggered if I can think if how he'll explain it tho

SucksToBeMe · 03/04/2013 17:16

Loser, you are handling this so much better than I did when in your position. He does not deserve you.

mrsmindcontrol · 03/04/2013 17:16

Oh poor you OP. be strong x

kinkyfuckery · 03/04/2013 17:17

Oh shit. Am so sorry to hear that it is looking like the worst case scenario.

What is happening now? Has he agreed to go?

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 17:18

'The wife' thing, he affectionately refers to me as The Wife, It's never bothered me, more if a running joke type thing. The fact he has referred to me as this to this other person is extremely hurtful especially her using it to refer to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 17:22

Kinky. Still no sign of him, I'm thinking he's chickened out of coming. I've left another message telling him if he hasn't picked up his clothes by 8pm then he'll find them at the local Marie Curie charity shop. I'm not dragging this out for days. He needs to face me at some point and i deserve at least some sort of explanation face to face, he's just being a coward.

OP posts:
EyePad · 03/04/2013 17:24

Yes, I can understand him calling you 'the wife' to his mates etc, but for the OW to call you 'the wife' is a bit strange. It is just such a mans thing. Maybe I am overthiniking things but could the OW in fact be the OM?

StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2013 17:26

Eye, it'a their little in joke, surely?

EyePad · 03/04/2013 17:28

yes, could be, I just feel it is odd. But i am probably wrong!

kinkyfuckery · 03/04/2013 17:28

Disgusted by the pair of them using his pet name for you. That's actually one of the most disrespectful things I've read in a long time - yes, even on MN!

bumpers · 03/04/2013 17:29

Hope you ok op

cjel · 03/04/2013 17:34

so sorry you are going through this, I remember that waiting and feeling sick so much. You are doing so well, mine was away so i had to wait 2 days for him to come bk but had rented a flat for me and ds by the time he got home. We talked all night but although I felt we could have made it work I needed the separation so that I could get my head round what I wanted, Its very tempting to take them in and not have your world rocked to make everything alright but the only way to work on it is to separate and go through it honestly.x

Sparkley84 · 03/04/2013 17:37

I'm so sorry to read this. You're being so strong and did so well to go to work. Good for you standing up for yourself about the stuff. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now but my thoughts are with you. Stay strong and stick to your instincts x x

Fairenuff · 03/04/2013 17:45

He is such a coward. Not even having the decency to speak to you face to face.

He knows that he's been caught and that there really is no plausible explanation. He's trying to buy some time by stalling so that he can work out what he wants and what he's going to do.

I think you are right to chuck his stuff out if he doesn't collect it. Why should he be the one calling all the shots. He's had it his way for too long.

How old are your children? Will they be there or could they stay with someone else for a bit?

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 17:54

My lovely friend is having the children overnight. I'm off work now until next Wednesday so I'm going to do lots of fun things with the children. Fairenuff, they are 5, 7 and 10.

OP posts:
OhLori · 03/04/2013 17:55

God, I'm so sorry.

I had to check back OP, because I was one of the ones who thought the original text such a bizarre occurrence, as to be unbelievable except as a practical joke gone wrong. Sorry I am wrong.

Doha · 03/04/2013 17:57

Have you got joint accounts? Can you check that he has not taken any money out/cleared them today????