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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
ohtobecleo · 03/04/2013 15:50

Keep that anger OP, it will help when he comes with the bullshit excuses.
Good luck.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 03/04/2013 15:51

Well done op, stay strong. You're doing the right thing for you and your dcs. What an utter bastard.

GoodyGumDrop · 03/04/2013 15:52

Hi I was lurking on this late last night and came back to check on things.

Shock OMG the total and utter shittyness of some men (possibly all) never ever ceases to surprise me. This must be a hell of a shock for you, especially as it seems that you hadn't had much reason to suspect anything before this.

I'm not sure that anything we can say will lessen the pain that you must be feeling. But you WILL get through this.

I finally got rid of my ex 7 months ago, I never had any concrete proof that he cheated (clever dick) but I strongly suspect he did and had enough evidence just going on the websites he was visiting...porn, dating, random slapper friends on social networking sites. He also had other issues debts (hotels etc), drinking, emotional abuse, etc.

The absolute only thing you can do at the moment is just get on with your life (after you've got rid of him). Also, don't keep it bottled up, the more you tell people the more support you'll get. Talk talk to family/friends. If you don't know how to tell people just text and they'll come running. It's good that you're working, speak to gingerbread re. Benefits advice.

Thinking of you...you will get through this, you will x

Also, take comfort in the fact that this other woman is first and foremost a stupid slapper and most probably deeply unhappy and insecure. You are a decent, hardworking mother. Let the shit rot in his own piss...he'll soon realise what an idiot he is Angry

fedupofnamechanging · 03/04/2013 15:55

Do you have access to his phone bills? If you know the last bill date and amount, you can set up on line billing and have a look to see how long this has been going on.

It might help to do a bit of investigating, if only so you will know when he feeds you a pack of lies.

That said, if you want him out, then that's that and you maybe don't need to know all this other stuff.

pictish · 03/04/2013 15:56

Oh dear OP...sympathies xxx

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 16:01

I don't know the log in details for his phone account so can't check. He probably thought he was being clever deleting text messages but forgot about the call history.

I know I need to know the details but I'm not sure I want or ready for it.

OP posts:
pictish · 03/04/2013 16:02

He's going to lie to you like there's no tomorrow. Are you prepared for that?

ThePinkOcelot · 03/04/2013 16:04

So sorry OP. (((()))) xx

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 16:05

Yes I have my bullshit repellant at the ready. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to converse with the man.

OP posts:
bleedingheart · 03/04/2013 16:07

OP I'm so sorry to hear that this wasn't innocent, when I read the first posts I did think it was plausible it could be mates messing about but not on the way to work, in the pub or if he was nearly home maybe. I think your gut was telling you there was more to it though and it was right.

He will say she's just a friend and you focus on the kids and she listens to him as a person not just a dad blah blah blah. He is a coward and a cheat. He blew his opportunity to come clean and talk last night, you don't need to hear everything now if you don't want to. You know the main point. Let him stew while you decide what you want if that suits you. Get him out and away from you.

Fairenuff · 03/04/2013 16:07

It sounds like he's getting ready to feed you more lies.

Hang on to that anger. Remember, every time he lies he is insulting your intelligence. Treat him with the disdain he deserves.

He needs to get to the point where he realises you are not going to buy into his bullshit. Then he will start being honest with you.

pictish · 03/04/2013 16:07

I am wondering what sort of story he is going to dream up to explain away 'Hi sexy get your boobs out' and 'Hi, this is a surprise, is the wife asleep? I miss you'

It's not what you think though apparently. Hmm

ShootingStarsss · 03/04/2013 16:10

So sorry to come back and read this op Hmm what a shit bag he is.

When he is sitting there reeling off all his story & excuses, tell him to log into his mobile phone account and show you his calls/text bet he won't.

Keep up your angry mindset and keep thinking about your children, as you say you need to focus on them and put them first, kick his sorry arse to the kerb! Confused

StuffezLaBouche · 03/04/2013 16:11

That second text is the bloody clincher, isn't it? There is literally no possible explanation for that.

Bluelightsandsirens · 03/04/2013 16:12

Is the number stored in his phone under a name?

I would be swapping hat number for my own before I chucked his sorry arse out, giving you opportunity to receive all the my wife doesn't understand me, we don't sleep togeather texts meant for her.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's devastating x

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 03/04/2013 16:13

I would be calling the nunber and seeing who answers and what she has to say?

Here to handhold loser (I dont like your name Sad) and try to keep hold of the anger.

Whether you want answers now or not doesnt matter. To not listen to his nonsense is whats important.

pictish · 03/04/2013 16:13

No name - just a number.

LizzyMcGuire · 03/04/2013 16:15

Urgh. What a foul excuse for a human being he is. She obviously knows all about you too, nasty nasty woman.

StrangeDays · 03/04/2013 16:16

I think it's odd for a woman to text 'the' wife.

ladyjadie · 03/04/2013 16:16

Remember, every time he lies he is insulting your intelligence.

This. Sadly Sad

whatkungfuthat · 03/04/2013 16:17

She might not think its all so exciting when he dumps his sorry arse on her doorstep tonight, looking for a place to stay

ShootingStarsss · 03/04/2013 16:18

I think saying "the wife" is disrespectful and sarcastic to be honest, god knows what he has been saying to this women.

Awakeagain · 03/04/2013 16:19

Stay strong op, take time to sort things out in your head with him gone

DragonMamma · 03/04/2013 16:19

I read this late last night too and just came back to check - what a complete tosser OP.

I can't imagine what you must be feeling - one misdirected text that blows yours and your children's lives apart.

FWIW, you're handling it better and more calmly than I would - I'd be like a flaming banshee and out to wring his.neck.

Stay strong and don't listen to his bullshit

lisac99 · 03/04/2013 16:22

When the anger goes (and it will) and you feel sad or unhappy, please, please, please remember

  • He has betrayed your trust
  • He has lied to you
  • He has no respect for you

By taking control and telling him that you are not prepared to condone his behaviour means that he can't lie and try and weasel his way back into your life. You will hurt - you will be angry and once the adrenaline stops, you'll probably feel moments of intense sadness.

However you will get through this.

You don't deserve to be lied to or treated like a fool.

He might have thought he could brush this under the carpet, but you need to remain strong, reiterate the fact you want him OUT... and don't engage with any of his pathetic 'Oh, it was a joke' remarks.

Hope you're doing OK.

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