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Original poster

So after 14 years together, 12 years married and 3 dcs he lobs this out of left field ...

235 replies

SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:20

He'll be back late because he's going to a Freemason's dinner.

God I don't even know which bloody emoticon to put, as I don't know whether to laugh hysterically, cry or blow up.

This is a man who has always been fun, kind, thoughtful, supportive, dare I say it, a feminist. And he cannot seem to understand why this has left me feeling extremely unnerved. (mainly because I'm not sure what it is and why it is)

I mean, what do they DO? I know they do lots of charidee work, but we already give all we can afford, volunteer a lot, involved in church ... I mean, FTLOG why does he need to join what seems to me a misogynist, secretive, frankly rather silly old-boys club?

Aaaaargh!!

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 21/03/2013 20:24

Why do you think fun, kind, thoughtful, supportive, feminist men can't be Freemasons?

It is an intellectual club, not the Ku Klux Klan.

WipsGlitter · 21/03/2013 20:24

It's a load of old cock. My bil is in it and it basically is a drinking club where they go out and get pissed.

AuntieStella · 21/03/2013 20:26

The pinnies are quite pretty.

Basically, it's Scouts for grown ups.

Hopasholic · 21/03/2013 20:29

I always think of Fred Flintstone Grin

Original poster
SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:30

So it's an intellectual drinking club and I'm over-reacting you think Grin

OK, I will breathe now. But still cross as I've had the dcs for 4 days now (he's away for work) and it's wearing thin.

OP posts:
Movingtimes · 21/03/2013 20:32

Is it still a bastion of male privilege and bizarre quasi-mystical religious tosh?
Why yes I do believe it is.
If my DH considered getting involved I would definitely be questioning whether he was the person I thought he was.
Bigtime.

WinkyWinkola · 21/03/2013 20:32

See my dh did this too. He even bought me a book called The Freemason's Wife. I gave it back to him telling him I just wasn't interested.

He goes maybe 3-4 times a year.

So far, it hasn't impacted on family life.

Let them to their pinnies, white gloves and weird sayings.

Original poster
SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:32

There are pinnies?? Grin

who knew.

Do they still roll up their trouser leg?

OP posts:
DrHolmes · 21/03/2013 20:35

I know the initiation to get in it. I was told by two seperate freemasons. I seems to know loads of them, they are everywhere!
They have these books with loads of rituals in it to learn.
Their initiation is to wear the apron,a noose round their neck, have a bag put over their head, someone stands in front of them with a sword pointed at their chest and leads them round a room basically as a trust exercise.

They do do a lot fo work for charity and also you will be looked after if he were to die. Things like that.

It is very common.

Oh, and they are sworn to secrecy so you won't find much out.

DrHolmes · 21/03/2013 20:36

Yes they still roll it up so show they are free and not chained to a ball! Or something! Sorry that is part of initiation too.

DrHolmes · 21/03/2013 20:38

Oh and they don't have to be religious pre se. They just have to believe in a greater being. Which essentially is religious.

Do you know who invited him to join or did he ask to join?

They do hold ladies nights you can go along to. For dinner and dancing.

Oh that reminds me, they get a 3 course meal, drinks etc each time they go!

Yama · 21/03/2013 20:39

I, like my dh would lose all respect for someone if I discovered that they were a Freemason.

I think your first instinct was the correct one.

Original poster
SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:39

you see Movingtimes this is what's thrown me. He's not the type I didn't think I've already told him I really don't like the idea of any institution banning women.

Ironically an ancestor was one of the few women admitted because she overheard a meeting through a cupboard/door or summat.

OP posts:
LeslieWrinkle · 21/03/2013 20:40

as long as they don't ask you to make the sandwiches!

Mintyy · 21/03/2013 20:41

Omg, I would also be utterly floored by this!

Original poster
SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:43

DrHolmes I think I would rather stick pins in my eyes than go to a 'ladies' night'.

I understand about it not being religious, but that's another thing that slightly throws me as he's always been staunch CofE (son of a vicar) and I think the Church and Freemasonry are not best friends.

He was invited by old friends, 2 of whom I wouldn't grant with much emotional intelligence to be frank.

OP posts:
Original poster
SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:44

If he ever tries to give me the Freemason's Wife I think I will LTB. sort of half joking

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 21/03/2013 20:45

I know somebody who used to shag on their living room windowsill when the Lady Masons (wives of Freemasons) / Ma-i-sonettes had their meeting opposite their house.

Hmm Grin It usually caused a stir

DrHolmes · 21/03/2013 20:47

Haha I can just imagine the pompousness of it all.

A guy at my work lets some stuff slip and i pressure him to tell me why he joined. He is also part of the Knights Templar (where they have real skulls in boxes and know where the bodies of some of the Knights Templar bodies are buried) and part of another group but i forget the name.

I said to him it seems to me he just wants to feel important and he laughed and said "yeah, maybe"...!!!

I find it strange for him to be part of all these groups which i can't see do that much when he has a wife and 2 kids at home.

AuntieStella · 21/03/2013 20:48

"Oh and they don't have to be religious pre se. They just have to believe in a greater being. Which essentially is religious."

As I said, just like Scouts Grin
As is having the uniform, strange gestures and a series of badges/levels to progress through.

Ladies nights are survivable, as long as you have enough to drink.

Original poster
SimoneDeBeaver · 21/03/2013 20:49

Grin at Pure

Interesting the different reactions - it is sort of a British running joke, but it also includes a lot of very influential men who no doubt do each other lots of favours.

So many things I really don't like about it. Privilege, secrecy, no women. And on a more personal level he's already away so much for work I really feel pissed off that he's choosing to spend yet more time away.

I would be more sympathetic if he was have a midlife crisis and going to raves.

OP posts:
MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 21/03/2013 20:55

Arf @ the Masons being an "intellectual drinking club". Intellectual really?

Around here it's for blokes that would like to be influential, but aren't.

If my DH started showing a prediliction for wearing a pinny and indulging in secret rituals I'd be a bit concerned.

WinkyWinkola · 21/03/2013 20:55

"I would be more sympathetic if he was have a midlife crisis and going to raves."

Simone, you made me cackle!

He might lose interest. If you protest about it, then he'll definitely be more interested.

Just let him be. My dh is already sighing about the couple of nights a year he's said he'd go to... ... ... won't be long before the apron is gathering dust.

Bitdifferent · 21/03/2013 20:55

The ladies nights are no worse than a work do really. I always get a present too! Dreading DH being grand master or whatever as I'll have to make a speech at laydees night! However I'll probably get to choose the gifts that year...wonder if I could persuade him a magimix would be a good idea.

DrHolmes · 21/03/2013 20:56

Auntie - Do you know any secrets or anything? I just want to know one juicy secret.

I'm sure lots of business deals go on. Or say if people in an office and a job is advertised, the interviewer is a mason and he interviews a another mason and a non mason, he will favour the mason.

Police who are masons mysteriously making certain things disappear for another mason but wouldn't for jo public.

Thats the kind of thing that annoys me, the injustice!