To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

[WomanCalledAlice]

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him

so what does the rest of his money go on, if all he pays is £100 a week?

Who earns more?

You need to sit down and write out all the incomings and outgoings and find out where the money (in general) is going. Then you need to find out what's happening to any money that he has left from his wage. Why does he have a separate account from yours if all the outgoings are from yours? You should both have an agreed level of money to spend at the end of the month once all bills (inc kids clothes etc) are covered.

He earns more than me. I'm on Minimum wage, he gets about £4 an hour more than me. He saves a bit of his wage for summer holidays and just keeps the rest I guess. As I said if I ask he will give me it but I don't feel I should have to ask.

it depends what your budget is. dh transfers £162 into my account fortnightly to pay for grocries and the dc clothes. Sometimes I ask for more and dh will ask what for, just as when dh says I'm going to spend x from the joint account today I always ask what on too.

Its not a controll thing, its a we share our lives and money thing.

but it depens entirely what your budget is and weather dh gets spends etc too.

We have seperate accounts and a savings account that we just use for transfers etc. never got round to opening a joint account. Maybe we should.

sounds very unfair and unequal to me..

I think it's the fact he can nip into town on a Saturday and buy himself a top for example but I need to ask him for cash if I want to.

Definitely need to review the situation.

We've always had a joint account. Regardless of who earns what, my OH earns 4 times what I do but whatever is in the bank is ours.

I agree with mistletrush - why should he have money left to spend if you don't. Need to have conversation about money.

You definitely need a joint account.

You should both have the same 'spending money' each month after groceries, bills, things for the children and regular savings are accounted for.

Also if he was to transfer £30 over just now and I went and bought the gifts for my friends I want to buy, on Sunday if I needed another Fiver for say a nail varnish , he'll say "have you spent all that I gave you on Friday". It grates on me.

Yep, you need a joint account for joint expenses.

Are you really saying that you pay all the rent/mortgage, electric, council tax etc from your account, and your husband contributes just £400 a month from his salary (around £1500 a month maybe, from what you've said)?

YANBU, this would really wind me up! It's almost like you have to justify wanting to spend a little bit of cash on yourself.

We have a joint account and pay in 60% of our net salaries, OH is also paid weekly so I just worked it out on a monthly basis (luckily he does leave all the money part to me!) and then the 40% of our salary is left to spend how we wish. OH earns £5k more a year than me, so it's definitely fairer to work it out on percentage rather than the same if we're earning different amounts.

Yeah boulevard. Apart from the electric, that's correct. what a mug I am

If he is earning more may be he should be paying more than the food out of his earnings? Sounds a bit one-sided really.

This is crazy - he earns more than you and only has to pay for food ?

You need to pay bills out of a joint account that you both pay into, in proportion to your income.

Instead of saying you need money to buy gifts, tell him you need him to transfer money to pay his share of the council tax / water rates /school uniform etc - because that's where the problem lies.

So ALL your salary goes on household bills, and he gets a grand a month to spend on himself?!

Er... how did this situation start in the first place?

wow, then that does sound very unfair. You need to have a conversation. bills should be split according to earnings (imo) so approx 60/40. or all money should go in 1 account that all bills come out of and whats left gets split 50/50, depending on if you prefer to keep money separate.

But your current situation just doesnt sound quite right.

What are your outgoings per month in total inc food?

I would be expecting 50% from him tbh.

Sounds like he's taking the piss.

I am shocked by the unfairness of this. Why do you put up with working full time and having no money to call your own?

Wtf you pay pretty much everything and he pays foir food yet he earns more?!!

We just have a joint account and dp doesn't question what I spend.

He used to obviously pay for everything when I was a SAHM, then we split up for a bit, I got a ft job, everything was set up in my account and when we got back together everything has stayed the same.

What do you think would happen if you sat him down, talked him through the costs of running the house, and asked him to contribute more?