Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

537 replies

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 15:57

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him Confused

OP posts:
FelicityWasCold · 01/03/2013 16:28

Why are you doing this? Sounds crazy. You pay for everything bar the grocery bill? And he earns more?

Wtaf?

Get a joint account tomorrow. Or LTB. Or change the arrangement around so that he pays for everything except groceries. Chose one of those options OP but don't allow this to continue.

toddlerama · 01/03/2013 16:30

alice this needs changing. I can see how you've drifted into it, but if you are staying together you need a joint account. Either everything goes in one pot or you pay equitable proportions in to cover the bills. There is no way in hell a grown man hasn't realised what a ridiculously unfair situation this is.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:33

Boulevard, he probably would turn it into an argument. I think he's under the impression I squander money on crap.

I'm definitely going to speak to him tonight. Kids are away to my parents for a sleepover and I'm sitting with £3 in my purse and fancy a glass or 5 of wine, he's not home until 8pm...

OP posts:
thebody · 01/03/2013 16:33

Errrrr you need to get a grip of him love.

Fuck this putting a bit into your account!!!

One pot for all money for both to have access to...

End of..

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/03/2013 16:34

Why did you split up?

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:39

We split up due to infidelity on his part. I was better off financially when we split actually.

I should add he pays for the kids clubs/activities which is about £30 per week . Whoopi doo! Oh and his beloved car his paid by him.

OP posts:
BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 01/03/2013 16:39

I was afraid you might say that.

By the way, if his weekly pre-tax salary is £400 (and assuming you have 2 DC together), his CSA payment would be £64 a week if you were to split up.
And you wouldn't be feeding him out of that.

Something to bear in mind maybe.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 01/03/2013 16:40

(x-post, i was referring to the argument)

hugoagogo · 01/03/2013 16:40

Even if you don't want a joint account and they don't work for everyone, he should be paying half the bills and rent as well as the cash for food and kids clothes he is giving you now.

He is acting like you are living off him, when really he is living off you. Hmm

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:43

Yeah, something to think about. We have 3 children :)

I had to cancel my first hair dressers app in a year last week as he was at work and forgot to transfer the money grr'

OP posts:
Losingexcessweight · 01/03/2013 16:49

Wow just wow.

Lueji · 01/03/2013 16:49

Why exactly are you back with him?

His control over his money is not healthy for a relationship.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2013 16:50

'We split up due to infidelity on his part. I was better off financially when we split actually.

I should add he pays for the kids clubs/activities which is about £30 per week . Whoopi doo! Oh and his beloved car his paid by him.'

And you will be again.

It always blows my mind how people get back with gits like this and put up with behaviour like this.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:51

I've been questioning that a lot recently lueji

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 01/03/2013 16:55

good grief.

He's got a good life, hasn't he?

You really pay practically everything and earn less than him and he questions you about the little he does contribute?

From the comfort of the home you are paying for?

And he couldn't even keep it in his pants. Sad

Yes, you are right. You are a mug. Is this really the life you want?

LadyPessaryPam · 01/03/2013 17:04

Well OP he sounds like a true catch. I would get rid of him TBH.

crashdoll · 01/03/2013 17:09

Get rid, you are worth more than that. :(

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 17:11

Wrt to the cheating, it took a lot for me to even consider it, I never thought I believed in second chances but he was genuinely sorry and worked hard to win back my trust. I became quite seriously ill after we split and I guess depended on him quite a bit.

Maybe now he is under the impression I need him so badly that he can act like this with his cash, I don't know.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 01/03/2013 17:13

Maybe point out that if he had to move into his own flat and pay the CSA it would leave him with very little money at the end of the month. £400 is an utter pittance. Tell him to piss off.

oldraver · 01/03/2013 17:16

Crikey he gets food, lodgings all bills paid and his cock sucked for £103 per week ?

Wow, just wow

Phineyj · 01/03/2013 17:24

My DH does not 'do' finances and often expresses surprise at how much our joint expenses are but as we do pay them jointly it's surprising how far you can get with 'well I'll give up X if you give up Y'. As he never wants to 'give up Y'! Do show him what the money goes on each month it is not respectful of him to be making you justify ordinary expenditure like a child asking for pocket money.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 17:26

That's what I feel like, a child.

OP posts:
malteserzz · 01/03/2013 17:27

I could not live like that having to ask for money ! I hope you get it sorted

wheredidiputit · 01/03/2013 17:33

I would list a list of all your outgoings and your salary. Then I would list all of his outgoings and salary.

Then I would add all joint expenses and divide in two, he pays 50% of all household costs.

If he doesn't want to then I would ask him to leave. But reminding him he will have to pay 15% - 25% of his salary (depending on how many children you have) plus his own household costs.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2013 17:34

'I never thought I believed in second chances but he was genuinely sorry and worked hard to win back my trust.'

Worked hard to get his feet back under the table and his cock sucked for £103/week, more likes.

I'd send him packing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread