Missing condoms

[calidadsuprema]

Hi - namechanged for this.

DP and I have been together almost 3 years. We moved in together a few months ago.

Over the festive break I was looking in the medicine drawer for a sticking plaster and came across about 4 condoms tucked in a paracetomol box. We don't use condoms. Date on them was 2014. I assumed DP might have had them since before we met so said nothing at the time.

Fast forward to tonight - my DD felt unwell so I went to medicine drawer for Calpol sachets. For some reason I remembered the condoms and had a look for them. They are missing. DP is 3 days into a 10 day overseas work trip 8 hours time zone ahead. He doesn't usually travel overseas with work. I have put 2 and 2 together and don't like what I am thinking.....I sent a text about half an hour ago to tell him what I have found, saying that it does not look good from where I am standing.

[CrazyOldCatLady]

I think it's easily possible that he took them by accident - maybe he was packing in a hurry and assumed that the box contained what it said it contained!

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, to be honest. I've just asked DH and he agrees that it's probably innocent.

[carmenelectra]

If Thailand is the place he has gone then I'd never belive him.

I'm lucky my dp has a job when business trips just don't happen. Sadly, it seems they are often a fantastic excuse for men to cheat. Sorry I sound like a bitter old bag. I'm not. My dp is lovely but I've heard and read so much shit over the yrss. And some women are just too trusting.

[AnyFucker]

Is it Thailand ?

[carmenelectra]

Someone suggested it may be due to the time difference.

[AnyFucker]

Sorry, was asking OP if it was Thailand.

[Numberlock]

Also, going off the time difference, is it Thailand by any chance? (me)

If Thailand is the place he has gone then I'd never belive him (carmen)

Is it Thailand ? (AF)

Interesting that a few us are thinking it could be Thailand.

[Numberlock]

Someone suggested it may be due to the time difference

That was me, the OP said 8 hours ahead but after checking, Thailand is only 7 hours ahead.

[meditrina]

There's a swathe of Asia which is on 8 hours difference.

It doesn't really matter where it is: if it's all a mistake, he's not planning to shag around anywhere.

If there is an affair, it's either with a colleague (who could be from anywhere, meeting on business in any location, including home location); with someone who has travelled out to be with him (ditto); or a random local shag (opportunities for easy hook ups occur anywhere; STIs can be caught anywhere).

[calidadsuprema]

No its not Thailand. Ive seen itinerary and stuff organising the trip..even helped make his hotel booking. My thoughts are now tending towards suspicions that he took them in case he "got lucky"....

[AnyFucker]

Have you spoken to him again, Cal ?

[VoiceofUnreason]

I'm more inclined to the 'in case he got lucky' theory rather than definite cheating - still doesn't make it right.

[AlphaAndEcho]

My DH would absolutely definitely take a packet of tablets without checking what is inside them - he is idiotic that way

It all depends on whether your DH is organised and not-so idiotic that he would look inside the packet . FWIW I think it could have been a genuine mistake .

IMO people who have secret condoms don't put them in a "family" drawer, I'd imagine they would be hidden in a pair of socks or something like that .

I hope you get this sorted but as a pp has said you may never know . I think you will need to have a proper talk when he gets back and then decide where to go from there . Hth

[IrnBruTheNoo]

My first thoughts are 'posh wank', tbh.

DH does it and is open about it. Why would some men make excuses about it?? If you're going to cheat then fair enough, but some men do actually use condoms for this sole purpose!

[raenbow]

OH Calidad, my heart is going out to you, your situation sounds TOO like my own. My H was asked by apparent 'Development Agency' to go to a country in Asia ( not Thailand) to work, I saw the itinerary and hotels etc. He came back said lets separate, no one else, turns out after xmas his translator and he started an affair and are in a relationship now ( despite 8 hours time difference and 5000 miles) did he have a stock of condoms in his bag? I don't know, I do know he has now left the kids and I and I am in divorce proceedings.
Don't want to panic you but a year ago when i posted a similar thing and dismissed MNers as SO wrong, turns out they weren't!!
I really do hope you are wrong, I hope he is honest but if not you will be better off without a man who puts you and your daughter second to himself.

[AnyFucker]

If the condoms are for "posh wanking" why didn't he say so ? (if it's such a "normal" thing to do)

[TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub]

I'm on with Benefit of the Doubt, as it's the kind of idiotic thing I'd do - be all pleased I'd fitted more in the drawer by combining boxes then just grab a box that felt full without checking it.

I don't think it's weird to have kept left over condoms as if OP was sick, condoms might be needed for the seven days afterwards.

But I would check the date on the ones that came back, it's not that big a Benefit.

[Poppikok]

calidad,if you thought something was amiss you shouldn't have texted him.You've given him TIME to think uo some story,excuse or whatever.You should have waited and confronted him when he comes through the front door.I'd love to see his face

[ChippingInNeedsCoffee]

I wouldn't have said anything until he came back and could do it face to face.

I'm no longer at all trusting and I wouldn't believe him, but, that's not to say he's actually guilty of anything more than throwing a packet of what he thought were paracetamol into his bag.

I'd be suspicious in your shoes.
I'd be livid in his.

[frantic53]

I have no experience of "posh wanking" but just thinking that with a man's propensity to roll over and fall asleep straight after sex, it would make sense to take condoms for wanking in a hotel room. Have a wank, pull it off, tie it up and chuck on the floor until the morning. Clean hands so can go straight to sleep. Men can be lazy fuckers, you know!

[carmenelectra]

Do men normally plan ahead before a business trip that they are gonna have a wank or two and take condoms soley for this purpose? Like a little dirty weekend away with themselves.

If my dp used condoms for this purpose I'd think he was a nutter and wasting condoms, but I think he would say that's what he did rather than make up a lame excuse.

The more I think about this thread I think the man is bullshitting. Anyone who had old condoms still in date probably would keep them even if not currently needing to use them. Yes its fine to stuff em somewhere,,, but a paracetamol box? It would have taken some serious cramming to fit them in for starters! I'd be less suspicious if I found them in a sock drawer or old coat pocket or summat.

[Branleuse]

saying hes vv happy to be with you and loves you, doesnt make him not planning on using the condoms given a chance. Id be livid

[ImperialBlether]

It particularly doesn't make sense because he takes paracetemol regularly, so the implication is that the box of tablets is relatively new. It doesn't make sense then that old condoms are shoved inside a new box of paracetemol for the purpose of tidiness.

I agree that the OP should've kept quiet - I think it would have been interesting to see whether the condoms returned.

[carmenelectra]

Agree with branleuse. Plenty of men claim to love wives and girlfriends and certainly have no plans of leaving, and still do bad stuff behind their backs.

[IrnBruTheNoo]

"Who would want to deliberately lose sensation when they don't have to."


It has nothing to do with sensation, it's to do with getting the wank over with without any mess to clear up afterwards, according to DH when he has done it in the past. It's convenient.

[IrnBruTheNoo]

"Do men normally plan ahead before a business trip that they are gonna have a wank or two and take condoms soley for this purpose? Like a little dirty weekend away with themselves."

DH has done before he met me and had no intentions of sleeping with a woman when away on holidays. He has to get it out his system at least every other day so if I'm not the mood, then he'll do the posh wank. I don't have a problem with it, we're both very open about masturbation, it's perfectly healthy (better than having an affair).