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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Missing condoms

288 replies

calidadsuprema · 25/01/2013 23:52

Hi - namechanged for this.

DP and I have been together almost 3 years. We moved in together a few months ago.

Over the festive break I was looking in the medicine drawer for a sticking plaster and came across about 4 condoms tucked in a paracetomol box. We don't use condoms. Date on them was 2014. I assumed DP might have had them since before we met so said nothing at the time.

Fast forward to tonight - my DD felt unwell so I went to medicine drawer for Calpol sachets. For some reason I remembered the condoms and had a look for them. They are missing. DP is 3 days into a 10 day overseas work trip 8 hours time zone ahead. He doesn't usually travel overseas with work. I have put 2 and 2 together and don't like what I am thinking.....I sent a text about half an hour ago to tell him what I have found, saying that it does not look good from where I am standing.

OP posts:
carmenelectra · 28/01/2013 17:28

Nothing wrong with masturbation and not even to be compared to having an affair. Strange thing to say.

I'm sorry I do find using a condom for a wank odd. It would lose sensation. Having sex with one and losing sensation is necessay for safe sex. A wank isn't. As for mess, well how much is there exactly? Does it spurt across the room. Doesn't a bit of bog roll do the job.

Anyway, I'm sure there probably are some men that use a condom, but must be the minority.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2013 17:42

Good Lord, do people really think there is masturbation or there is adultery ?

IrnBruTheNoo · 28/01/2013 18:45

"As for mess, well how much is there exactly?"

LOL - you've not seen DH when in action. It's very messy! More than a condom teat's worth of cum. So yes, using a condom is practical as it saves all the mess that can be created (saves cleaning the wallpaper, carpet, bedlinen, etc).

IrnBruTheNoo · 28/01/2013 18:48

I'd rather know that DH (if away on holiday/business trip - not that it is relevant to his line of work as he works locally...) uses a condom for a posh wank than his being unfaithful by using the condom for having a one night stand with some random. That's why the comparison to masturbation and affairs! It's not that odd tbh....

Fidelia · 28/01/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelaLugosisShed · 28/01/2013 19:09

Does he eat lots of celery IrnBru? Grin

(It's supposed to increase the volume)

But seriously, if a man is wanking, presumably lying in bed, not wandering around the hotel room doing willy-windmills, he will ejaculate over his own stomach ( and chest at a push) , so can grab a few tissues or his own boxers to mop up with?

AnyFucker · 28/01/2013 19:11

IrnBru ...don't be silly. The amount of ejaculate a man produces varies only slightly from bloke to bloke. We are not talking buckets full here. You are overstating your case and making yourself look a bit daft in the process.

Charbon · 28/01/2013 20:24

I feel very sorry that some women believe these myths about ejaculation. In all the studies that have been undertaken, the highest quantity found in a single ejaculation has been 10ml. As a guide, a teaspoon is 5ml and a tablespoon is 15ml. The average is obviously far below 10ml.

Trumpton · 28/01/2013 20:30

Hence the name of the band 10cc .

Maryz · 28/01/2013 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2013 20:38

Oh yeah, I had forgotten that !

I like 10cc Grin

Maryz · 28/01/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cuillereasoupe · 28/01/2013 20:47

I have about ten boxes of paracetamol at different stages of near-finishedness in various handbags, drawers, and so on, so I can well believe it's an old packet even if he takes them regularly.

Charbon · 28/01/2013 20:50

Rubber bullets anyone?

Yogii · 28/01/2013 20:56

I'm a bloke.

Posh wanking happens but only the husbands of MNers who have mentioned this thread to them would know it by that name.

Socks yes, but never, ever, into a condom. Ridiculous notion.

But not as ridiculous as thinking that a guy would take condoms away with him to use for posh wanking. Eliminate that from your possibilities, ladies.

AF, you are an unforgiving bugger but that twat radar needs a polish, or whatever it is you do to keep it tuned. This boy's at it.

MarilynValentine · 28/01/2013 20:59

I've had dreadful back pain on a few occasions and have had packets of painkillers stowed all over the place: bedside drawer, kitchen cabinet, bathroom. So I can understand grappling around and grabbing an old box when the newer boxes are open and elsewhere.

However. I am not a neat freak - quite the opposite.

I assume a neat freak would be more likely to be able to account for where things were, and less likely to grab an old box stuffed full of condoms.

What was he like when packing OP - was he methodical? Or did he leave it to the last minute and rush about chucking stuff into bags like I would ?

Was it an old box of paracetamol or a newer one? How many tablets were inside? If it was an old box, did it look immediately identifiable as an old box?

If it was obviously an old box then he would have known it as a historical object - the box where the old condoms live. And therefore why take it with him?

If it was a newer box, why shove old condoms into a new box - and where were the condoms prior to that?

Where does he keep the new boxes of painkillers - same drawer?

The only reason to take the box would be if he had run out of all painkillers except those, and needed a couple for the journey to the airport (where he could buy more). But if so - why not remove the condoms and chuck them in the bin at home?

And yes any back pain sufferer knows that you need to take anti-inflammatories, not paracemtamol.

Hope it's entirely innocent - and it may well be. Just really run the plausibility through your mind. You know him - can you see your neat, organised OH grabbing an ancient box of painkillers in a rush, completely forgetting about the condoms?

calidadsuprema · 28/01/2013 21:03

I don't subscribe to the posh wanking theory...at least in my DP's case. In turmoil here...he categorically admitted to having them along with Ibroprofen and the paracetomol -I have actually forgotten which of these boxes I saw them on at Christmas but it doesn't really matter. All I am bothered about is that the condoms ended up on the business trip. I will be checking dates on them when he gets back. If he says he threw them away over there I will be livid.

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 28/01/2013 21:07

I find it mind-boggling that apparently a fair number of men are so averse to 'mess', not having clean hands to go to sleep with etc that they specifically take condoms when they travel to have a wank but avoid all these 'problems'. I don't think I've ever met any of these men.

Does it work both ways? How many women posting here put latex gloves on or crack open a femidom to 'avoid making a mess' when they do the same? Confused

Snazzynewyear · 28/01/2013 21:08

OP, do you have any other reason to mistrust him? Honestly?

calidadsuprema · 28/01/2013 21:11

Snazzy - no I don't have any other reason to mistrust him, but I know that even "nice" guys get up to stuff behind their partner's backs. I have seen it in friends' marriages. I'm not young and naive - been around the block a couple of times.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 28/01/2013 21:29

Oh OP i really feel for you having this hanging over you for the next week. Personally there's nothing worse than having a worry and not being able to confront it or get to the bottom of it right then and there.

DH says he's never heard of any bloke wanking in a condom. Over a sock or clothes, yes. But if there's guys here saying they do then ... some must.

I think my DH would grab a box of tablets to pack without checking. Not so sure if it were for long term pain. Actually i don't think he'd think of packing pain killers. He takes loads of toiletries.

If it was me and my sinus tablets i'd check. But then i'm not my DH. Or your DH.

I also think, however, that it would be obvious that the box was not 'rattely' enough if it had condoms in it, rather than tablets, when he picked them up.

Hoping for the best here OP.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2013 22:34

Yogi my twat radar is twitching but not beeping here. We shall see. Nobody's radar is infallible, or else none of us would ever have been made a fool of. And all of us have, at some point. If I am wrong on this one, I will book it in for a service Smile

Having said that, OP, I don't think we will see an outcome here, unless your bloke decides to clear his conscience and come clean. If he brings the same condoms home, or they don't appear you still don't get a resolution.

lose/lose innit

What you do know now though is that some of your blind trust has died. Perhaps that is a good thing.

Looksgoodingravy · 28/01/2013 22:57

Hope I'm wrong but the one thing which doesn't sit right with me is the fact he said he just threw the paracetamols in his case without checking. You've described him as someone who's neat and that's why the condoms were probably in that box, it doesn't then seem right then that the same 'neat' person would just pack the tablets without checking how many were in there etc..

frantic53 · 28/01/2013 23:16

Snazzy, I don't think women do this as regularly as men do they? Or make the same kind, of "mess" as men? Actually I think the fact that he's a, "neat freak" might make it more likely that he might prefer a, "clean wank". Grin

I keep coming back to the fact that no intelligent man would keep a secret stash of condoms in a place where his partner would be likely to find them during an innocent search for something entirely different, ie a paracetamol, would they? Confused

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 09:14

women don't have the same aftermath than men do when pleasuring themselves, snazzy.