The thread in which we all pray Johnny depp has signed up to POF - DATING THREAD 17!

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Here we go again....

Still thats :( and a bit tricky. I don't think I can add much to what watch has said, maybe this is a chance for you to think about what you want out of it, get that clear in your mind etc.

I didn't hear from the ill one yesterday. Going to leave it til lunchtimeish then send one (I think this is justified as he text me first on Sunday and Monday!). Hoping he might be well enough to have a second date tomorrow, but we'll see :)

Sound advice as always ladies ? thank god you?re all here!

Watch, you?re right WTF is ?the chat??!! I?ve never had a chat with either of my long term exes, it was just a natural progression. I personally have never wanted to have the bloody chat that my friend keeps insisting we have and I?ve been happy to go with the flow. In the days before online dating, I am pretty sure I would still check out men in bars on a night out without acting on it ? isn?t this the same thing?! Kind off? or am I deluding myself?

We?ve been seeing each other for 3.5 months now and in all honesty I?m reasonably happy with how it?s going. It is quite casual but I think s-l-o-w-l-y we are making progress. I honestly don?t think this has got long-term legs, just because he?s so laid back but when I have made jokey comments to him in the past about his apparent lack of interest he has seemed genuinely shocked that he?s come across like that and asked what he could do to change it! Incidentally, he didn?t really change anything ? I think he worries about ?mithering? me? I wouldn?t mind a teeny bit more attention in between dates (ie. texting) but it?s not a deal breaker? at the moment.

I think I?m just going to forget about it and let the actions do the talking. Que sera sera. I know deep down he probably isn?t a keeper so it?s likely to end at some point ? he?s filling a void in my life at the moment and I?m having fun. I think ?the chat? could actually backfire?

Still
take a man & woman of similar age & attractiveness and offer a big cash prize to the one who is able (using online dating) to find the most people who'll agree to sex.
She'll win hands down (whether she'd actually want to shag all of them is another matter.

My point is that it's easier for women to score, even if he's still logging on he's less likely to pull than you are

'the chat' is a newish idea I think...pre widespread internet dating exclusivity was the default setting, now it seems to be a bit of a grey area, with playing the field coming to be seen as the default

TBH, I haven't done the chat either.

I have only ever been with ex long term and it was a given. In that he hardly had time for anyone else.

It's more difficult to ascertain when the couple is not in touch that often.
In that sense, it might be useful to establish expectations.

Although, in practice, they mean squat, as we can all see by all the cheating threads.

ah, yes, im convinced its an ' american' thing, americans do dating very differently to us brits, they do tend to multi date, with maybe less expectations, where as we tend to go to the pub, get drunk, snog and then end up in a relationship.

Internet dating has kinda greyed the area a lot. So now theres this whole ' not sure whats going on thing' but i think really, if you are seeing somone weekly ( at least) talking/ texting every day, havin sex, making plans, and actually going out to do things, not just staying in shagging, then really you are pretty much in a relationship.

Still, i can see how having the chat might back fire, its silly. bring it up if you want to, or not if you dont want to.

My friend whos with someone for 7 months said this re ' the chat' doesnt matter what ' it' is, its clearly something, and having ' the chat' doesnt actually change anything, nor stop him cheating, same as marriage didnt stop my husband cheating. if hes going to cheat, hes going to cheat. the only thing that matters is that i know, if i find out hes seeing/ shagging someone else then hes out'

kudos to that, and im thinking the same.

agree entirely - either person can say anything, it's no guarantee they aren't already cheating, or won't in future...you just have to go with what you're happy with.

On which note, I haven't text the ill one yet. But it's ok if I do isn't it? He has text first twice now, I do feel its my turn. I also of course have to agonise for a god hour few mins over what to say. Whilst of course part of me is thinking that he's probably changed his mind about seeing me again anyway

for one fwb I keep a spread sheet for all texts received and send with them all scored and weighted according to what they might or might not mean.
for others I just delete them when I've replied and say any old thing.

well it's something to do isnt it

I am joking
mostly
:o

sponge - yes, course. cant see any reason why not to, or why to even worry if you should or shouldnt, at this point, you have been in contact for a while, just do what you like :)

mercury!! lol. my goodness. a quick check of my phone reads ' mrl - 1777' yes, thats how many messages, but its now, since typing this 1778. far, far to many for any spreadsheet!!!!

haha, no spreadsheet really but my phone is backed up on my pc and I tend to keep certain text conversions...i'll probably cringe and delete them when that particular fling has been flung

Message sent :) though not yet delivered, so cant be impatient for a reply. although of course now I am impatient for a delivery receipt

at 1777 messages.

My tally is a mere 291! and if this msg never gets delivered it won't be increasing anytime soon!

sponge - really, honestly, if hes kept up contact he wants to see you, else, why would he do it. i think you need to stop worrying :)

1778 texts. not including whatsapp, facebook messages and then phone calls.
ridiclous.
:)

watch I always have to have something to worry unnecessarily about

anyway, now delivered, and reply received (he's a bit better today) I have replied. And we shall see.

Still keeping my fingers crossed...:)

no - you really dont!!! :)
because, see, he replied.

Why dont you ask if hes up to a drink/ early dinner of something other than ice lollys tomorrow evening?

I'm not sure if he's well enough yet. Today is apparently his first day (since fri) of solid food! but if I don't ask about tomorrow I won't know will I? :)

Aah, bollox to the chat! It IS an American thing. I don?t feel the need to do it so I?m not He also hasn?t given me cause to think he?s seeing anyone else so I?m not going to worry about it until he does (not sure when he?d fit it in tbh ? he works very long hours. Allegedly?!

Oh watch :( at ?but i think really, if you are seeing someone weekly ( at least) talking/ texting every day, havin sex, making plans, and actually going out to do things, not just staying in shagging, then really you are pretty much in a relationship.? I think we might fall into the ?just staying in shagging? bracket and we certainly are not in touch everyday :( We did a lot of going out the first month then we kind of slipped into said bracket apart from the weekend we spent together a couple of weeks ago (which still involved lots of shagging ) and now back to staying in. We were supposed to be going out on Saturday night but it didn?t really happen once we?d had a couple of drinks at mine (he?d been at work for 13 hours) BUT he did say that next time we go out we are going to such and such a place because of x,y and z (obviously that?s not verbatim!) so I guess the intention to go out is there. I need something to look forward to ? I might suggest a big night out in a few weeks with an overnight stay so we?ve got something to aim for!

LOL at the text quota ? I?m only on 514 (that's joint) after 3.5 months!!!

Sponge - just go for it! It?s not like you?ve harassed him while he?s been ill, I?m sure he?ll be glad of the attention. I have a good feeling about it :) (I realise this counts for NOTHING lol)

Between us Mr Nice and I have accumulated 2752 texts . And the odd email :)

I bunked off marking mostly today having done loads yesterday and he came round, the earth rumbled for us (thunderstorm during sex!) then we went and had lunch like semi grown ups before kissing in the car park . My wing mirror has finally given up the ghost and he has sent me a link to what I need in Halfords :) (and said if I went there when his DS is working there I could get 10% off but I would be too to ask!)

will need to work hard tonight but was worth it :)

'afternoon delight' :o

And he brought me flowers today :) And bought me a piece of rocky road cake :)

am in fairly blissful mood. Even having to take DD to watch DS canoeing with cubs later on as XH not able to come to look after her as he has strained his shoulder is not troubling me.

I was too pathetic to ask him straight out to come for a drink tomorrow , so instead I just asked if he had much planned for rest of the week now he was feeling better. No reply as yet...which is slightly annoying. But I will try & think positively :)

you're floating in a pink bubble now aren't you :o

(that was @ Miranda btw!)

Am possibly in a slight bubble .

Need to think about what stuff DS has to take with him later on and cook food and stuff

Still
Getting my calculator out:
that's an average of almost 5 texts a day, back and forth.
That's more than what I'm doing with Mr Virtual (name change...) ATM and I think that's plenty to me.
Although it has included very long e-mails at the rate of 2-4 per day (back and forth) or long phone chats.