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Original poster

men who got to prostitutes

684 replies

jake42 · 21/05/2012 12:26

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

OP posts:
RetroMom · 22/05/2012 20:18

If a woman is a whore what's wrong with calling her that?

Houseofplain · 22/05/2012 20:19

There is a lot wrong with it, an awful lot. It says more about you, than you realise. That you don't see the problem Hmm

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 20:20

I've seen a lot of misandry on mumsnet, that seems to be ok.

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 20:21

Explain it to me.

misty0 · 22/05/2012 20:23

'whore' is an emotive word. Its loaded with a certain hatred.

Houseofplain · 22/05/2012 20:24

I think retromum enough people have seen your use of language to judge. Anyone would think you were trying to drag people into the reasons, your particularly unpleasant and misogynistic language is wrong and offensive. With mns policy of deletion, not gonna happen. Shame coming from a mature lady like yourself.

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 20:27

whore
   [hawr, hohr or, often, hoor] Show IPA noun, verb, whored, whor·ing.
noun
1.
a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money; prostitute; harlot; strumpet.
verb (used without object)
2.
to act as a whore.
3.
to consort with whores.
verb (used with object)
4.
Obsolete . to make a whore of; corrupt; debauch.

It's a spade or do you require that I call it a shovel?

Houseofplain · 22/05/2012 20:32

I don't think we are the ones who need educating dear...

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 20:36

No, you'll do the berating of the use of the word but won't explain yourself, yet you expect me to explain myself for using it. WTH?

Houseofplain · 22/05/2012 20:46

It's really quite simple, and someone has already told you. It's a word which is misogynistic and evolved to be a hateful and derogatory term against said women. Making them somehow lesser beings. Whore is a really offensive word.

So why do YOU as a female chose to use such a word, with such connotations. Why not escort, why not prostitute. That would be calling a spade a spade. You don't need to resort to calling people whores, so why? It does speak volumes about you. Sad to find you were female tbh.

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 20:56

So, let me get this right. It is not ok to call a whore a whore, we should use the word prostitute, hooker (is that ok), escort, call girl, anything but.

But, we may refer to men as all manner of things from cunts, to dickheads, dickwads, bastards, anything we like really?

Houseofplain · 22/05/2012 21:01

No, and I wouldn't call myself a stark raving feminist at all. But even I know how bloody offensive whore is and why. I also like to fight The men's corner. I have 4 wonderful males in my house.

I just don't see for the life of me why another woman would chose on such a provocative thread to use the word such as whore. But then it's because you want to do it to make a point about menz. 'Nuff said.

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 21:06

Actually, I was genuinely shocked to see Jake getting a telling off for using the word. I'm still in shock. I still don't see it from where you are coming from. I just Googled the word whore and found an article titled 5 whores who changed the course of history. Seems the word is still in use.

Nyac · 22/05/2012 21:11

Yes, misogynists don't want to give up using the word "whore" about women they want to attack. Who could have thought it?

Funny how there aren't really any equivalent words for men who pay to use women for sex. Mind you scumbag rapists fits pretty well.

SigmundFraude · 22/05/2012 21:14

Customers?

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 21:15

Who attacked who?

likeatonneofbricks · 22/05/2012 21:59

gay escorts aer called whores too btw. Some see the tern as offensive, some just see it as reflecting the profession (i.e. with a derogatory tinge). Tbh I don't think that words 'hookers' or 'prostitutes' are ever used with respect.

Chubfuddler · 22/05/2012 22:02

It's hilarious really that you would use a thread in which the op is lying to his wife and paying for sex to accuse mners of misandry.

RetroMom · 22/05/2012 23:12

Well the misogynist word did come up, and it's not that odd for the opposite argument to be raised. And there is a lot of it about.

MsPav · 22/05/2012 23:29

Well, without answering every point raised, IMO, men who go to prostitutes are rapists.

BBMs · 22/05/2012 23:47

WTF?! are you being serious??!!! coz IMO you are talking absolutely bollocks!

Inadeeptrance · 22/05/2012 23:55

'Whore' is used as an insult, I think that is what sets it apart from other terms such as 'hooker' or 'prostitute'. Men who use the term whore don't tend to restrict its use to describing sex workers.

Horrible word. Angry

MsPav · 23/05/2012 00:12

Non consensual sex, women as commodities, sounds like rape to me.

howimportantisit · 23/05/2012 04:29

Hey Jake,
It doesnt sound like you are too happy within yourself living a lie. Its a sad situation you and your wife are in but we can't fix anyone else, we can only sort our own side of the street. I have been in both positions where my ex husband of 15yrs and father of our 3c's was using prositutes as well as us trying the swinging stuff and open relationship cos I didnt want him going elsewhere. It was disasterous for both of us and took its toll after 10yrs, I wanted monogamy, he didnt. I started out seeing a marriage counsellor on my own to start working through my issues. We both ended up cheating on each other and having affairs at different times, which left me feeling like a piece of dirt. I began using drugs and alcohol to try and deal with the feelings of sadness, fear,shame and resentment to try and stay together when it became too painful. I ended up in rehab and I'm over 5yrs totally clean and abstinent, I We are now divorced and have moved on, it was painful but it got better and I am now happy being true to myself not living a life of dishonesty. We are both still parents to our 3 beautiful children and always will be. Life is too short, ask yourself if you both are really happy or just 'comfortable'. We all make mistakes, we sont have to continue making the same ones. If we do what we always did, we get what we always got. Good luck on making some positive changes.

howimportantisit · 23/05/2012 07:55

btw a person who sells their body for sex is known as many names, none of which are in any way flattering but if the person is doing the deed then there is no point sugar coating it by giving it a nicer title. If someone is engaging in that industry for
their field of occupation it is their choice at the end of the day, being raped is no where near the same as selling yourself. Being raped is having NO CHOICE! Most people work at some time or another with people they dont like, thats life. Majority of sex workers have a choice to go get a different job, its just that this kind of work is fast money and big bucks. Its not all poor prostitute, she/he has a choice too. If it werent for them there probably would be alot more rapes happening out there. Men are sexual creatures by nature, l dont agree with it but l'd rather that than him taking his needs out on me unwillingly.