men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

"If it werent for them there probably would be alot more rapes happening out there. Men are sexual creatures by nature, l dont agree with it but l'd rather that than him taking his needs out on me unwillingly."

Yes, those poor, poor men, of course they must have unfettered access to a woman's body at all times - how they all get throught the day without raping women because of their uncontollable sexual urges is a mystery .

Have you actually read that pile of rubbish you've written? - do you know how insulting it is to all the decent men out there, men who aren't rapists or punters?
Un-fucking-believable - I despair that some morons still believe the "men have needs" crap.

So, is a man who buys a woman loads of drinks before taking her home on a Friday night a rapist too, just like the man who negotiates a fee with a prostitute?

What a load of clap trap!

A man who goes out deliberately to find a woman and get her drunk with the sole intention of having sex with her is most definitely a rapist.
You must know some awful men if you think any of this is normal, healthy behaviour.
A man who pays for sex is scum, whether it's a high end escort, an addicted teenage prostitute on the street or a child in Thailand/insert sex tourism destination of choice.

Well yeah. A man who buys a woman loads of drinks then has sex with her is a rapist. As under the eyes of the law he would have got her too intoxicated to legally consent.

Quite scary, but not suprising a female is peddling this dross.

No, I don't know awful men. I do know that society deems it acceptable to go out on the piss and then laugh at the dinner table about last nights shananigans, and I'm speaking of the woman who do this! Funny how in the clear light of day it's not their fault! But hey, you lot keep blaming men!

I notice how it is deemed unacceptable for Jake to hire a hooker, yet no one has said anything to the poster who herself admitted to having problems akin to Jakes and admits she would hire an escort too if it doesn't get resolved.

Hypocritical or what?

Well because this thread isn't about her. That's why.

Rubbish!

It's not rubbish. It's not about her. But I think you have shown your level of intelligence with your drinks comment tbh. Clearly haven't a clue. It's just sad really.

Sounds like you've bought into the 'happy hooker' myth, howimportantisit. It really isn't much of a choice ...

According to evidence submitted to the UK Government (Home Office, 2004), between 50-75% of women entered prostitution before they were 18, with 15 years being the average age of entry.

an overwhelming majority of women in all forms of prostitution have been sexually abused as children (Silbert and Pines, 1982a; Nadon et al., 1998). Some estimates are as high as 90%.

Research has shown that there is a 75% rate of current or past homelessness among those prostituted in nine countries (Farley et al., 2003).

There is extensive literature documenting that prostitution causes profound emotional damage (Baldwin, 1992; Barry, 1995; Dworkin, 1997; Herman, 2003; Hoigard and Finstad, 1986; Farley et al., 2003; Raymond et al., 2002).

A majority of women who sell sex have pimps who may be called by other names, such as friend or husband. Nonetheless they function as pimps (McLeod, 1982; Farley, 2007).

A study of 240 women prostituted in Leeds, Edinburgh, and Glasgow found that 26% of women in indoor prostitution had experienced some form of serious violence from the men who had bought them in the past six months (Church et al., 2001).

And, WRT to the myth that prostitution prevents rape ...

Rape rate statistics from the US raise the possibility that there may actually be a positive association between legal prostitution in Nevada and higher rape rates in that state. The Nevada rate of rape was higher than the U.S. average and significantly higher than rates of rape in several more populous U.S. states ? California, New York and New Jersey.

These quotes are all from this study on men who buy sex. What horrified me most on reading the study was how the men hadn't bought in to the happy hooker myth - they were aware the women they were buying were likely to be trafficked and abused, they just didn't give a shit. OP are you sure you want to be associated with such a choice bunch of arseholes?

So if a woman hires a male escort that too is rape?

And you can shove your personal insults woman!

Some people just don't know when to stop digging sigh

Well, is it?

I am not sure if you are actually serious. But I can't, just can't bring myself to talk to a female who laks the ability to know what rape is, why whore is derogatory and why referring to a person as woman again shows huge issues against being female.

Keep it up though you are doing a great job of showing yourself up :)

Ive read through all of the posts on here (180) at last count and there has been some useful advice which has been helpful, but also such a lot of hatred too, im sure had i been in the room with some of you then my genitals would of been ripped off and despatched to the four corners of the country !
Somebody said im troll ugly, useless in bed , prefer 18-20 yrs olds, etc, im not either of those, just an average guy with an average life , but with no sex life.
A lot of you imagine a prostitute to be a young girl, addicted to drugs , alcoholic, covered in bruises from her pimp, driven from seedy flat to seedy flat by a bling covered BMW driver ,
Im sure many of those girls exist, But ive not met any of them.
Most of the girls ive met are girls like you, the girl sat at the next desk to you, the girl you sat next to on the bus, the girl with the figure you envy at the gym. Ordinary women, with one thing in common, they would like some extra cash , When meeting with them , it isnt just a quick Skirt up, knickers down, legs wide open, jobs a good one, we do talk, they tell me what they do with the money they earn, Gabby drives a Mercedes convertible, Jade invests in property , Pippa goes to Mexico for the whole of August.
They provide a service , it doesnt offend them, theyd rather be doctors or city bankers , but we all cant be high flyers ! As i said they willingly provide a service which i avail myself of, Often its in their own home and i respect them for what they do.
Some one said i was robbing the household budget, but i spend no more than someone who smokes 20 a day .
I feel some of you have been a bit harsh on both me and the women i meet ,
we re not bad people .

Oh another sound bite. That's all you've done throughout this thread!

oops..that was for houseofplain.

Jake these women aren't listening to you. They hate you. There is a lot of man hating on MN. You're either brave or stupid to be here!

It seems only men rape escorts/whores. Woman and escorts however, whole other story.

i know most hate me, but they need to know, we dont all have perfect cosy lives , some of us have real problems

Gosh Jake, are none of them funding their way through university? Makes a change!

Truth is, you have no idea of the background or circumstances of the prostituted women you have sex on. They're hardly going to tell you when part of the job description is to pretend they're enjoying it.

I don't think anybody here has been harsh on the women you buy, except the poster who called them 'whores' - oh, hang on, you called them that too didn't you? Funny sort of 'respect', that.

My advice would be, look your demon in the eye. Face what it is you have to face. Your marriage isn't working. You've got choices to make. If you have a high sex drive, I know, sex is integral to who you are, and you need a partner to match. It's not a partnership when one partner is lying. Your wife changed the deal you and her made when you chose her as a wife and she decided to live with you as brother and sister. You need to think what you want to do about that.

I have never been so horrified at a thread on mumsnet.

I simply cannot believe the attitude that some have on prostitution.

Really scary.

I am so shocked I can't even begin to tell them why they are wrong, and as a previous poster stated, if they need it explaining, its not worth it any way.

Wow, just wow!

I actually feel a bit sick knowing that some women actually think like this.

i know most hate me, but they need to know, we dont all have perfect cosy lives , some of us have real problems

The only person who needs to know anything is the wife you've been cheating on for 5+ years.

Not attaining a 'perfect cosy life' does not excuse anything! Who the hell does attain a 'perfect cosy life'? Does everyone who doesn't, use it as a poor excuse for depravity?

No. Just men like you! (Who appears to be exactly the kind of man I would fully expect to feel so entitled).

This Thread makes me rethink.

Women who hire escorts or go sex shopping in Jamaica/Gambia/wherever are just as nasty and exploitative as the men who do it - women are as capable of scummy behaviour as men are.
Yes, I'm happy to admit I hate men like "Jake" and what they represent - he does not represent the vast majority of decent men who do not pay for sex, whatever their personal circumstances - we've had plenty of men on here over the years, some had not had sex with their wives for 8 years or more but they would never dream of treating women like commodities and paying them for sex.

The morons on here who see "man hating" need to open their eyes - It's because many of us have truly decent men in our lives that we can see what's wrong with men like Jake ( even if he is probably fictional) .
It's the idiots who think that all men are dick led creatures with no moral compass who do men a real disservice.

A man who pays for sex does not respect women - how can anyone with even one functioning brain cell dispute this?

Its amazing how easily ones perception of an opinion can be so different from the next person. I do know first hand about being raped at the age of 13 , how it feels and the affects it has had on my life. I would much rather the offender have gone and paid someone for it who although may not have wanted to, was willing to make the choice to do the deed with him for money. When l posted about sex workers having choices l was mainly referring to western countries. I work as a volunteer in the womens prisons helping support women to get clean and change their ways. Instead of being so critical and judgemental up on peoples high horses, l wonder how many of you are speaking from experience or being part of the solution...its easy to make judgement about others. Nobody is perfect, this is obviously an incredibly sensitive subject and if my opinions have offended anyone l apologise. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and if any of you have been lucky enough to have not had personal experience with any of this stuff mentioned count your bleesings and be grateful.