men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

[Chubfuddler]

Indeed thistle. But some women share the attitude of the op that there are whores, who don't count, and proper women who do. Mystifying.

[Chubfuddler]

Because queenie the op doesn't see using prostitutes as infidelity, whereas a real interaction with a willing woman would be.

[slug]

Men who use prostitutes... No better than rapists in MVHO.

[QueenieLovesEels]

How can it not be classed as infidelity?

[likeatonneofbricks]

RetroMom - I so agree!
doormat, I think it's absolutely fine to have a view that sex is sex and be ok about open and honest relationships. I couldn't do it personally, but that's not relevant. This certainly does not maje you a doormat, as much as chub likes to label everyone in black and white.

[QueenieLovesEels]

Perhaps he should have invested in a blow up doll or one of those hand held vaginas.

[likeatonneofbricks]

OP never said that he doesn't see it as infidelity.

[doormat]

thx bricks...i am in a similar situation to the op...my dh has completely gone off sex and he is not having an affair...this has made me feel unloved, unwanted etc, at times but dh reassures me everyday that it is his fault, that he still loves me, he still wants me but he honestly cant..(think he has impotence due to diabetes, which i have asked him to see gp about but he is too ashamed)...this has led me to also be in a situation where i cba....because i love him and support him...

but if this went on for years, and i did want sexual fulfillment, i would expect my dh the same courtesy as i have given him from the very begininng and that is for me to visit and yes pay for an escort...i would never contemplate an affair as i have seen and experienced the disatrous effects that come from infedility of emotions and being torn between 2 women....exdh just has his bags packed straight away...my dad was different

[likeatonneofbricks]

doormat, you could meet people for casual encounters without having to pay, and as you always had a liberal attitude your dh probably won't object. OP did mean that he affair means emotions and he wouldn't fall in love with others. But there was a poster (I think above) who said that she's seeing the same man sexually but it's always stayed casual. This is probably the safest option, but you have to be lucky to find someone like this (and both not get emotional/attached). Can I ask how old aer you roughly (you don't have to answer)?

[likeatonneofbricks]

I meant the poster who is married.

[doormat]

bricks as you said i would have to be lucky to find someone like this...to me this would constitute emotions by meeting and engaging in discussion with them over this issue iykwim...i would rather just pay for the dirty deed and get it done and dusted...mid 40's

[likeatonneofbricks]

mid 40s - well yes, sorry that your dh lost interest/ability so early on, and if you go paying for it route, then it's for many years to come, which is difficult and maybe a bit risky for a woman, unless you find and stick to the right one guy-escort? But I can't imagine it would be easy to find a man you are attracted to among escorts.. you could go on casual dating site where no one expects emotional involvement - a lot more choice of men there though, and no paying.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

But some serious weirdos.

[carmenelectra]

Jake, if what you are saying is totally true, then your wife sounds totally selfish. No one in the right mind could surely say they loved someone didn't want sex or expect them ever to have sex again!

I am a similar age to you, have been with my dp longer and have 3 dc's. Thankfully our sex life is great and we are totally compataible. I'm trying to imagine being in your situation and my dp making an announcement like that to me. Well, obvious things would be to try and revive some passion and intimacy and get to what the real root cause is because there must be one.

If he refused to seek help or wish to regain any intimacy then I would not be stuck in such a relationship. Personally I would not be in a 'brother/sister relanship with my dp. I want us to have a unique relationship, so as that only we are intimate with each other.I would issue an ultimatum that I would either seek sex elsewhere(unlikely) or that we should split and I would be free to seek a man who did want sex and he would be able to seeek someone with no libido.

Now you seeing prostitutes is very wrong in the sense that she has no choice in the matter. Why haven't you had a discussion where you tell her its an unacceptable situation and if things don't change you will be paying for sex. Is it because you know she will leave you. Now you can't have the best of both worlds imo.

I couldn't claim to love someone who denied me sex. If I did I would accept no sex. Simple.

You need to either man up and tackle it and accept your wife is taking you for a mug or face up to the fact that you are using the no sex to get a more varied and exciting sex life.

Its interestingthat you say you see different girls. I wonder what age? I'm guessing not 42. I wonder if the lack of sex at home is a convienent way of experimenting.

If not, what you're doing without squaring it with your wife is very very wrong.

[likeatonneofbricks]

I think it's clear that OP knows it's all wrong, he certainly doesn't sound happy, and still would much rather have sex with wife as he says - and hence asking for advice. He wouldn't have come here if he was pleased with his experiments carmen though I can see your point may well apply to some in these situations. Hopefully, Op, you will take on board the advice and talk to DW honestly - either she accepts you having sex elsewhere or goes to counselling with you. I think if she values the marriage she will try the second option.

[carmenelectra]

tonneofbricks

I Guess what I was trying to say is that some men may initially seek prostitutes in a sexless marriage, but then it all becomes very convienent for them.

Rather than tackle the issues head on, its very easy to say' oh my missus has gone off sex' and carry on with their new pastime of shagging lots of different girls (probably much younger) and trying lots of sexual acts his wife wouldnt do!

If the OP is giving us all the facts, then i dont blame him for wanting sex elsewhere but he needs to go about it in the right way. Square up to dw and tell her this is how its gonna be. i would not tolerate another person dictating whether i had sex ever again. Neither am i sure that i could claim to love my dp if he decided he no longer wanted sex with me.

I am guessing with situations like this the man is quite happy with the cosy family life and hot sex with someone else.

[LunarRose]

Jake

perhaps your just really shit in bed and your wife is too polite to mention the fact

Perhaps she actually knows about your habitual prostitute use and thinks thank fuck i don't have to have shit sex with that.....

At least you still have some messages that aren't deleted.....

[RetroMom]

What the hey LunarRose, if your speculation is correct then the OP's wife has wronged this man and you seem to be taking great delight in that.

[AICM]

Surely if she, for selfish reasons, has 100% opted out of his sex life then his sex life is no longer any of her business.

[RetroMom]

That's a very good point AICM.

She did not opt out for medical reasons. She simply stated she wanted to live like brother and sisster.

Jake does your wife work or do you support her?

[RetroMom]

PS I only ask because I had a conversation with my DP whose marriage ended for the same reason yours is going pear shaped (minus the whores) and he says he feels he was conned into a sexless marriage while providing for a woman who didn't much care for him. He hung about until the kids were older (uni age) because he didn't want to blow up the home life which he and his wife had created for them. He was obligated to stay!

[mcmooncup]

do you do any housework Jake?

[Houseofplain]

As a female, why do you feel the need to put down other women with such derogatory names as whores retromum? They are people too, they aren't lesser beings that you.

You aren't coming across as a pleasant person in all honesty. I think you'll find the high majority of women on here take offence to such misogynistic tones.

[misty0]

OP i hope you manage to resolve this with your wife. For both of your sakes.

There has been alot of constructive advise given. Good luck.