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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

987 replies

upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 00:16

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

OP posts:

Ooid · 04/03/2011 19:25

Heroine, I'm sure you could make some good points if you were a nicer person and could cope with being disagreed with.
But whatever, you've got your own thing going on here!

QuintessentialShadows · 04/03/2011 19:26

I have also reported. There seem to be a fair few posters these days who delight in trying to torpedo relationship threads.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:26

It's really hard to talk to, or even around, someone when they are posting in a paranoid and delusional manner.
I hope some of this thread remains for the OP to get the help she needs, once all this furore has finished.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:27

Oh fine - I still think you have gone way too far in convincing her that something terrible is underlying some relatively minor discretions and that is going to alter the tenor of her talk with him tonight I hope not to the detriment of the outcome, but I do think its more likely with all the talk of gaslighting, rape, abuse control etc. its fear build on fear and completely unhelpful.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:28

Why didn't you just say that before, Heroine? Nobody would have objected.

dignified · 04/03/2011 19:29

please god don't tell me you are using techniques you use on your DS on me

Dont be absurd Heroine , none of my children would behave like this.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:29

Oh I read through all the previous pages and I am certain that the paranoid building up of a very frightening situation from nothing needed to be directly challenged. Sorry its been uncomfortable to you - I think you needed it. I am not delusional or paranoid - nice try, but no.

Ooid · 04/03/2011 19:30

I rest my case.
I don't completely disagree with that, Heroine.
The only logical position to take is to inform of the possibility of being manipulated and then accept that from the postings of one woman, we can't possibly know what's true and what's not.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:30

Whatever you say, Heroine.

QuintessentialShadows · 04/03/2011 19:31

"Oh fine - I still think you have gone way too far in convincing her that something terrible is underlying some relatively minor discretions and that is going to alter the tenor of her talk with him tonight I hope not to the detriment of the outcome, but I do think its more likely with all the talk of gaslighting, rape, abuse control etc. its fear build on fear and completely unhelpful."

Now you are actually making sense Heroine!

If you disagree with advice given, say so, give your reasons, dont just cause hoo haa! Nobody knows what you are on about, it just seem like causing trouble!

Portofino · 04/03/2011 19:31

There have been OTHER threads Heroine. This is not just a one off.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:31

and as for why I scattered you all and got you to focus on me? That's how you break up teams of bullies.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:32

Gosh at your power. what an achievement.

dignified · 04/03/2011 19:33

and as for why I scattered you all and got you to focus on me? That's how you break up teams of bullies.

How clever , is that what you did ?
I just thought youd come on here and made an arsehole of yourself.

piratecat · 04/03/2011 19:34

you are a very important person then, thankyou for controlling us.

QuintessentialShadows · 04/03/2011 19:34

And that is really playground behaviour from you Heroine. Dont be so juvenile.

You come across as a toddler throwing rattles with this behaviour.

Prime example that you master control and manipulation?

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:34

Jeeeesus. I have stuff to do. I will check back in the morning.

Night gals.

Portofino · 04/03/2011 19:34

Bullies? At the end of the day the OP will speak to her DP tonight. She is aware of what to look out for when he starts talking. She is a big girl and will take it from there.

Mumi · 04/03/2011 19:35

"scattered you all" LOL

"got you to focus on me" when everyone should be focusing on OP.

Speaks for itself.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:35

LOL Pirate

Sorry I really am going now. honestly.

dignified · 04/03/2011 19:36

< bets Ingrid is still lurking >

Mumi · 04/03/2011 19:36

Night IB

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:37

MissGreatBritain · 04/03/2011 19:38

How about we draw a line under the conversation now and just wait until the OP returns? Bickering amongst ourselves doesn't help in any way. Not that I've bickered. Hope all is going well OP.

dignified · 04/03/2011 19:38

I thought that was a rather good example of gaslighting.

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