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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

987 replies

upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 00:16

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

OP posts:
dignified · 04/03/2011 19:06

Heroine , do you not feel the Op is capable of coming to her own conclusion ? I doubt she is going to change her life based on the opinion of strangers on here .

Nothing unkind or malicious has been said on here at any stage ( until you came along ]

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:07

really! now you don't like conjecture?

mathanxiety · 04/03/2011 19:07

Heroine, have a bunch of St Davids and chillllll... There's been no murder or rape. Yet.

PMSL at the idea that MN has destroyed this marriage before it's even started.

'The denials, the trap-setting and the way he is controlling what gets discussed are the really serious issues here, but for the life of me I cannot see how wanting to contact women for no-strings sex can be minimised by some posters either. And he was doing that, because there was absolutely no other plausible explanation for what you found that day Daisy.' Thingumy, as WWIFN says, the 'dating' site is the cheating I was referring to.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:08

I do think OP is capable of coming to her own conclusions - if there are wider views expressed - with you lot there wormtongueing in her ear it will be harder for her. Back off.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:08

your 'Yet.' says it all - you won't be happy until there is or the OP thinks its highly likely - stop it.

dignified · 04/03/2011 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:09

Not mumsnet - you who are posting the paranoid.

mathanxiety · 04/03/2011 19:09

Snooping is the most dreadful thing a woman could do? Up there with going on some hookup site? Really?

Snooping destroyed this relationship?

mathanxiety · 04/03/2011 19:10

FGS -- the 'yet' was a trap.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:10

No I'm not attacking - snooping has happened - I'm not making judgements. Interesting that when your projection/reprojection crap didn't work its on to the abuse.. textbook playground bully

mathanxiety · 04/03/2011 19:12

Ooooh. Snooping.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:13

Heroine have you been drinking? I cannot for the life of me understand where your aggression and incorrect accusations are coming from.

If you are so bright, then act like it. You're not impressing anyone at the moment.

Mouseface · 04/03/2011 19:13

Oh.

My.

Days.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:14

:) love it! Can't possibly disagree with you or be angry at this obvious BS without being in altered mind! goddamit ingrid you have got it really bad.

Mumi · 04/03/2011 19:14

Heroine,

I am a poster who mentioned rape earlier.

"My DH thinks I should try red apples"

My XP thought I should see a tourist attraction later in the week.

Difference was, he felt so strongly about it that the red mist came down, he dragged me away which was very painful, then took naked pictures of me without my consent to use against me to control me in the future.

Why are you comparing the two?

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:15

I'm not. Nice try to polarise. Won't work.

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:18

When everyone around you seems mad, it's worth bearing in mind that you might have got it wrong, not them.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:19

Oh yes that's so true! When everyone is bullying you, its important to be bullied you mean?

dignified · 04/03/2011 19:19

" Wont work . Nice try. Really ! "

Is that you ds ? Grin

QuintessentialShadows · 04/03/2011 19:22

hmmm interesting.....

Heroine, your posting style reminds me of someone. Smile

IngridBergmann · 04/03/2011 19:22

I wonder how the OP is getting on.

Heroine · 04/03/2011 19:22

please god don't tell me you are using techniques you use on your DS on me.... first it was careful attempts to make me believe projections, then it was direct abuse, now its 'you are a child' more abuse next perhaps?

Mumi · 04/03/2011 19:22

It is you who has polarised this having considered my experience - and I'm under no illusion that it WAS mine that you were referring to - in only half it's context, "Heroine".

Not-so-nice attempt to project. Won't work.

Mumi · 04/03/2011 19:24

Dignified Grin

Hope OP is okay too, I know it's a couple of hours until she's being called...

Portofino · 04/03/2011 19:24

Heroine, sorry but I have reported. The OP has clearly stated that she is going to talk to the DP tonight. Noone is making him out to be a mad rapist or anything. But to any NORMAL person, there is something not right about his behaviour.