Twins / 3rd preg / termination?

[ForLilacStork]

trying for a third but have found out it’s twins. We have a 3 and 6 year old already and twins hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I have some health issues which terrify me + the anxiety I’m already feeling which are making me lean toward termination, but I don’t know how I’m going to feel after.

atm I wake up depressed, sad and sick (plus being sick ALL day) and just want it be over and wish it would just go away but I feel so guilty because we wanted one kid, not two.

we are fortunate to have family around but I can’t help but think how much are they really going to help? People are so busy with their own lives that the help is short lived.

then there’s the issue of how I’m going to manage 4 kids, 4 schedules, working, husband that works long hours etc
hubby is happy to support me no matter what but would be thrilled to have two more.

we live an easy life right now and I don’t want to struggle (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially) but is this selfish?

I’m also entirely terrified of what it will do to my body + have had two natural births but have already been told I’d be having a C-section which I’ve already had a really hard time processing.

Is there anything that helped you make this decision?

Im pro choice so if you truly dont want to continue, dont.

But i am beyond baffled as to why on earth you decided to actively try and get pregnant with a third.

You have 2 children already... you know pregnancy is hard and carries risks so I dont get it the thought process... you say you love your "easy life" and have health issues which "terrify you"...
a third pregnancy was always going to up end that apple cart irrespective of whether its twins or not.

The c section also sounds like its thrown you for a loop. There's a lot to unpack

I also think especially of you have children already abortion is not an easy path to walk.

Are you actually clear on your feelings? Would independent counselling help clarify your thoughts... I'd be urgently seeking some to help get clarity

I was in this exact situation last year. I developed HG and other issues that made it very risky. I had a termination and it was the right decision for us, we are now trying again for a single baby , we did look into selective reduction but felt it was better to have an earlier termination of both than a later reduction.

I had the severe anxiety too I’d wake up in the night having panic attacks it was horrendous.

This is very shocking to read.

It is absolutely possible to have twins without a C Section, I know three women who did just that. Is there a reason for this advice?

This is available in the U.K. I had a consult last year .

I’ve never thought of that as an option. I can’t even imagine anyone choosing to do that and being able to live with it.

Nailed it.

“Shouldn’t feel bad either way”? I’m so sick of these kinds of replies.

Aborting a baby is a huge deal, and yes, it can be necessary at times. But telling women that it isn’t a big deal is absolutely disgusting. You’re talking about something that can carry a lot of emotional weight, and acting as though women should simply feel nothing about it is completely unrealistic.

It would honestly concern me if someone could go through something like that and "wouldn't feel bad".

I have three. I remember going into the scan with my third thinking, if it's triplets I will have a termination.
I wasn't sure whether I would have one with twins, I probably would have kept them. But I do get where you are coming from.

I think really, it's either have the twins and have 4 kids, or stick at 2. You can't really try to concieve after this (could be twins again!) So why did you want a third? A bigger family? Not feeling complete?

I think it's fine to have a termination if you want one. But I also think the sickness and the sudden logistics might be what's driving your feelings. So, in 5 years time, would you rather just have the children you have now, or the children and two little 5 year old twins? What about in 10 years time?

There's no right or wrong answer.

Are they identical or not?

Nobody should have to be pregnant with, give birth to or raise a child they don't want.

OP your post comes across that you are absolutely terrified and this isn’t what you planned. I understand and I think the worst thing you can do is make any rash decisions. I would speak to someone like bpas and ask for counselling. Your thoughts don’t make you a bad person.

My gut feel is the twins are a shock but you wanted a third baby. You will need a bigger car anyway (single or twins) as car seats are a nightmare. I think termination will always be the what if and you need that conversation of do you ttc ever again or is this it? Is this the door is closed on having a third etc,

I hope you make the right decison for you and your future, from a mum of three who also had miscarriages and a TFMR - no judgement

When I fell pregnant with my third I knew that if it was twins I wouldn’t go ahead with the pregnancy. Obviously i knew it was a risk but one I was willing to take. I knew that on no level would I want a twin pregnancy with 2 other children and I knew without a shadow of a doubt, for many reasons 4 children was absolutely not an option.

I would absolutely have gone ahead with a first or second twin pregnancy but third, no

As it happens it was a single pregnancy but to this day I know 100% I wouldn’t have continued a twin one

@Sunshine1621

How is she being selfish?! It is HER body, no one else’s.

@Loverurarliving01

a lot of women don’t feel bad. Suck it up.

Nope. Women don't have to feel bad. If they've made the right choice they don't HAVE to feel anything! And this sort of conversation on how "you should feel" is not helping poor OP or anyone else.

Gosh. Shocked you can be so blasé when you already have children.

@TheSunIsAlwaysThere

what is she being blasé about ?

And I am sick of women like you being 'sick' of others woman's thoughts on abortion!
Women don't try for a pregnancy to willy- nilliy change their minds, things happen, things change, unpredictable things happen, theory vz reality happens and sometime unforeseen thoughts/emotions and panic set in.
The real reality is no one knows until they are faced with the exact circumstance that the OP is facing/feeling what they would do ... this would be impossible because we are all individual.
I would also challenge and correct your statement ... It would honestly concern me if someone could go through something like that and "wouldn't feel bad"....
Why should a woman feel bad because she couldn't continue a pregnancy?
Who are you to put this judgement and selfish statement on them?
I will correct this to ... It would honestly NOT concern me if someone could go through something like that and feel sad, relieved, heartbroken or how ever they fuckin feel!

If you were to terminate would you try again for one? Is it really the twins that are the problem or the difficult pregnancy? Because any pregnancy could be difficult. It's obviously up to you but if you want my opinion (you DID ask..) I would not in a million years consider terminating twins when it was a planned pregnancy in a stable home. Yes it's hard work, brutal sometimes, but having two little people in one pregnancy is like hitting the bloody jackpot. And if they are healthy then you are winning the lottery of life. If you proceed then my advice would be to get all the help you can, call in every favour, push the boundaries financially if you have to for the first year or two.

Then you shouldn’t try for a baby in the first place. Trying for a baby and then changing your mind is just irresponsible.

So my statement is selfish, but trying for a baby and then aborting it isn’t? Wow. That’s some seriously twisted logic.

If you don’t feel anything, that’s your choice. But telling other women not to feel bad is another thing entirely. It’s basically saying, “I don’t feel empathy, so you shouldn’t either.”

You might think you’re being understanding and helpful, but what you’re saying is simply irresponsible. You can never know how someone will feel or how they’ll process their experience. Everyone I know who has had an abortion has thought deeply about it and has their own feelings about it.

Just because you don’t feel bad about it doesn’t mean others shouldn’t. That’s on you, not them. Should I tell them they shouldn’t feel bad just because you believe they shouldn’t? Everyone processes things differently, and your personal feelings shouldn’t dictate how others feel about their own experiences.

Women are allowed to change their minds.

All this compassion for unconcious bundles of cells and none for women who are suffering. Hmm.

If you need profanity to make your point you probably don't have much of a point

Maybe you think they’re “just cells”, but to me, those cells have the potential to create a life.

For women who are struggling with finding out they’re expecting twins because it means they might not be able to go on as many holidays or upgrade their iPhone every year, I’m sorry, but I struggle to see that as "suffering". It’s a matter of priorities, and I think in this modern world we lost perspective on what really matters.

Of course, finding out your baby has serious health issues and having to make an incredibly difficult decision is a completely different situation. That is genuine suffering, and I can’t even begin to imagine how heartbreaking it must be.

But trying for a baby and then changing your mind? I struggle to understand that. Having children means accepting that your life and priorities will change, and as an adult, you should be able to think about that before you try to concive.