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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

Potty training support for a four-year-old starting school in September

173 replies

DearDog96 · 17/07/2026 20:29

Hi all,

DD is 4 and is showing no signs of being ready to train yet which is concerning me as she’s due to be starting school in September. We’ve had a few failed attempts in the past, and she just doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of knowing when she needs to go. The doctors and HV have been supportive and keep giving me all these different tactics to try but to no avail and since I’ve recently had another baby we’ve resorted back to nappies again.

Please don’t come for me, I know she’s late to be trained! Just looking for some support, tips, and to know I’m not the only one still having to change a 4 year old x

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:02

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 19/07/2026 08:53

What do you mean the school are prepared for this? They won't be changing your child they'll be calling you in to do it. And if she has constant accidents within the first week you will be called in for a conversation with the headteacher.

I'm assuming at age 4 for child can get themselves dressed and undressed yes?

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Yes she can get herself dressed and undressed (mostly, she sometimes struggles with buttons!)

the rest of your post is completely incorrect. They’ve said they’re prepared to change her and she won’t be having constant accidents. She’ll either he trained or in nappies or pull ups. Yes the latter two aren’t ideal but it’s better than expecting teachers to clean up the mess!

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:03

Beachbeach · 19/07/2026 10:32

Yes I thought that same thing. OP you were doing so well with the cot and dummies and nappies. I think going backwards when the baby was born was a mistake

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Yes it probably was an I acknowledge that but I was overwhelmed and had lots to juggle!

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:05

Beachbeach · 19/07/2026 10:35

You are quite delusional to this 4 yo is still a normal age to start potty training. It’s 2.

you are 2 years after the right time IMO. I can’t believe you’ve left yourself 6 weeks to do this before school. Get off mumsnet and just start doing it (nappies off, take her to the toilet every 30 mins. Clean up messes, praise any successes).

I will be potty training my third child next summer just before their 2nd birthday, this waiting til the child is ‘ready’ is a crock of shit that parents tell themselves to put off this task

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Well aren’t you a great parent! You know there’s no medal or anything for how early you can train your child. The perfect age isn’t necessarily 2. Yes it’s not 4 either but it’s more like a range, just thank your lucky stars you’ve never had to struggle with training!

and do you not think I’m trying?? That’s why I’m here for advice and support, not judgement and other mums using me to make themselves feel better about their own parenting

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HelenaWilson · 19/07/2026 11:06

I cannot get over you not deferring her

She can't defer for a year. According to a previous thread, her dd turned four back in March. The most she could do is keep her off school until she turns five, which would mean missing two terms of reception and be detrimental in other ways.

2boyzNosleep · 19/07/2026 11:06

Have a look at the ERIC website, they have lots of useful tips.

If you want her trained by September the main thing is perseverance.

And not to let it stop you going out. I found that my boys seemed to get it quicker when we went out as they didnt seem to like needing missing out on play after being wet, finding a bathroom, getting a quick clean then changed again. A day out would be a walk somewhere or let the run around a field so if they did have an accident it didnt affect other people.

Get rid of the nappies/pull ups during the day and have set times that she sits on the toilet (none of this sit on the toilet every 20 mins nonsense- thats just stressful for the parent and the child). Accept accidents will happen and lots of positive praise when she sits on the toilet.

FYI, im not sure when you first started potty training but if it left until the child is 3yrs, it does take longer as they become resistant to it.

Good luck.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:07

Flowertrees · 19/07/2026 10:42

I’m afraid I agree. I think op you need some tough love on here. This is very late. It’s not the child’s responsibility to tell you they’re ready, or to show signs of being ready. It’s not the schools responsibility to change her. Pretend the school have said they won’t take her until she is reliably dry. Then get her trained. The school saying they will change her is being used as a crutch here in my view. You’ve spoken on this thread and the other one, about other children being changed at school, the school saying they will do it. The baby stopped you from training her. Stop with the excuses and the crutches and tell yourself there is no other option at all than to get her trained

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It’s not an excuse the baby did stop me from training her. But I can’t do anything about that now, I’m literally here for support on how to fix this!

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:08

Beachbeach · 19/07/2026 10:42

The school are not ‘prepared for this’

they will have 1 teacher and 1 TA likely for 30 children. They cannot take time away from 30 children to change a nappy (for safe guarding they need 2 adults present). Our school are not even allowed to wipe kids bums they have to do it themselves as it would require pulling another teacher out of their classroom to watch the class while the 2 teachers wipe 1 kids bums.

i think they will be calling you in fairly pronto if she does daily poos and wees in her clothes

Edited
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And how do you know the ins and outs of the workings of the school?? They’ve literally said they’re prepared to change her. Your experience is not all schools and so stop scare mongering

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:09

Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 10:44

She starts in a matter of weeks.

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6 weeks is a long time!

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:09

Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 10:46

If you’ve tried binning nappies then why is she still in nappies? Who’s buying them for her?

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I obviously bought more once I realised we were making no progress. Plus we always had them in the house for nights x

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Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 11:10

HelenaWilson · 19/07/2026 11:06

I cannot get over you not deferring her

She can't defer for a year. According to a previous thread, her dd turned four back in March. The most she could do is keep her off school until she turns five, which would mean missing two terms of reception and be detrimental in other ways.

Im in Scotland so it’s different. So unfair to the child. All the more reason OP should have looked ahead to this and got on it sooner.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:10

Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 10:50

So unfair to your child to at this point bin the nappies and say “she’ll be fine” “now she’s ready” “this time we’ll stick to it” “there are no big life transitions”

School is the biggest transition there is for kids! Let alone your child who’s never even experienced a structured educational setting and routine!

Yes, you do have to bin the nappies now and never go back, but what a horrible situation to have left your child in weeks before she starts school.

I cannot get over you not deferring her, and giving yourself the next year to ditch all the baby things you’ve held onto in her life, and getting her into a nursery to get her used to the routine.

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Maybe I should’ve deferred but it’s too late now I think. Plus I think it might do her more harm than good. Sometimes the urgency and just biting the bullet can be helpful

OP posts:
Marycontrarygarden · 19/07/2026 11:11

DearDog96 · 18/07/2026 23:58

A lot being a few times because it’s still an issue for me, my daughter and my husband? And I don’t infantilise her, I’m just allowing her to give up things when she’s ready rather than what society deems be the age at which they should be given up. They’re only young once and so I don’t feel the need to be overly focussed on making her give things up, apart from now with the nappies as it’s needed for school in September.

she’s having lots of accidents but I’m remaining optimistic that she’ll be sorted in time for school. No need to defer I don’t think. She’s not developmentally delayed, she’s still within the range many medical professionals deem normal x

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🙄 lazy parenting. Society or the dentist?

Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 11:11

DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:09

6 weeks is a long time!

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I think this sums up why you’re in this position now.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:11

Missey85 · 19/07/2026 10:58

What's the bet op is back with the complaints that they won't change a nappy 😂 where I am a lot of places won't accept kids unless they are potty trained because as you say they don't have the staff for it

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They’ve said they’ll change her.

OP posts:
Marycontrarygarden · 19/07/2026 11:13

DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:08

And how do you know the ins and outs of the workings of the school?? They’ve literally said they’re prepared to change her. Your experience is not all schools and so stop scare mongering

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Are you serious? You think it's ok for primary school age children to still be in nappies? Prepared to change her because they are professionals, should they have to change her? NO!

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:13

bettyrubble99 · 19/07/2026 11:00

Maybe because most parents don't have your attitude to parenting. You've let her have a dummy and bottle for as long as she wants (to give it up when she's ready not when 'society' thinks she has to) now set her back with her toilet training. Dummies, bottles, nappies = she thinks she is a baby.
Then you tried to toilet train her just before you had your new baby & severally underestimated how long that would take her and the time you wouldn't have to keep it up.
Maybe you want to rethink your lackadaisical, nonchalant way of parenting isn't working now she is older and start getting a tighter grip on the situation. September is only around the corner.

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It’s my first time with all this and everybody has to learn. Yes I’ve made mistakes, yes I’ve prioritised comfort and convenience but I can’t do much about that now. I’m literally trying to sort it as I thought it would be a lot easier and quicker than it is!

OP posts:
Marycontrarygarden · 19/07/2026 11:13

Instead of starting a thread about it, go and bloody do it!

Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 11:13

DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:10

Maybe I should’ve deferred but it’s too late now I think. Plus I think it might do her more harm than good. Sometimes the urgency and just biting the bullet can be helpful

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Deferring would do more harm than good but possibly starting school in nappies/soiling herself won’t?

Im in Scotland so my child will be nearly 6 when they start school so I feel for you if deferral isn’t an option. This is a terrible situation all round.

I do hope she isn’t starting school in nappies and still with the dummy and bottle.

Funchythesnowwoman · 19/07/2026 11:15

Starting school in nappies won’t be good for her own self esteem. Hopefully it’s sorted very quickly.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:15

2boyzNosleep · 19/07/2026 11:06

Have a look at the ERIC website, they have lots of useful tips.

If you want her trained by September the main thing is perseverance.

And not to let it stop you going out. I found that my boys seemed to get it quicker when we went out as they didnt seem to like needing missing out on play after being wet, finding a bathroom, getting a quick clean then changed again. A day out would be a walk somewhere or let the run around a field so if they did have an accident it didnt affect other people.

Get rid of the nappies/pull ups during the day and have set times that she sits on the toilet (none of this sit on the toilet every 20 mins nonsense- thats just stressful for the parent and the child). Accept accidents will happen and lots of positive praise when she sits on the toilet.

FYI, im not sure when you first started potty training but if it left until the child is 3yrs, it does take longer as they become resistant to it.

Good luck.

Thanks for the advice, really appreciate it. And yes we did wait until after 3 to initiate training

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2boyzNosleep · 19/07/2026 11:16

DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:01

That seems to be against most of the advice I’ve received on here but hey ho!

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Getting a child to sit on the potty/toilet every 20-30 mins is not recommended.

Its better to take them at set times such as first thing in the morning, and after every meal to begin with.

Honestly, look at ERIC website as they have the most up to date information

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:16

Marycontrarygarden · 19/07/2026 11:13

Are you serious? You think it's ok for primary school age children to still be in nappies? Prepared to change her because they are professionals, should they have to change her? NO!

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No I don’t think it’s ok at all but what can I do? I’m just saying that they’ll change her if necessary, I don’t want it to get to that

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:17

Marycontrarygarden · 19/07/2026 11:13

Instead of starting a thread about it, go and bloody do it!

I’m literally here looking for support and advice. Your attitude is not helping

OP posts:
Doubledutchbuss · 19/07/2026 11:17

DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 10:30

Well a) she might be more prepared/ready now and b) we absolutely won’t go back to nappies and there’s no big life transitions to mess things up! (I mean before starting school - of course school is a big one)

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My son was potty trained ‘late’ - he was 3 and i would say that full potty training took over 6 months where he was completely reliable. By his 4th birthday- so 9 months after starting potty training there was still the occasional accident at nursery. I remember thinking I was glad he was winter born meaning he was nearly 5 when he started school. Even then he had an accident in the first couple of weeks at school so if you think 6 weeks is going to sort everything out then I fear you are very mistaken!

its time to stop arguing with people on Mumsnet at get this sorted asap. I used toy cars but as others have said chocolate or anything else she really really likes. I get it you have a baby - so outsource to your husband. Take time off work if you have to.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 19/07/2026 11:18

Reading2gether · 19/07/2026 11:13

Deferring would do more harm than good but possibly starting school in nappies/soiling herself won’t?

Im in Scotland so my child will be nearly 6 when they start school so I feel for you if deferral isn’t an option. This is a terrible situation all round.

I do hope she isn’t starting school in nappies and still with the dummy and bottle.

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Yeah it’s a difficult situation.
the bottle is only at night and the dummy is mainly if she’s tried/upset etc. she certainly won’t have it at school!
and the nappies fingers crossed she won’t need them either. That’s my full intention

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