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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

Potty training support for a four-year-old starting school in September

228 replies

DearDog96 · 17/07/2026 20:29

Hi all,

DD is 4 and is showing no signs of being ready to train yet which is concerning me as she’s due to be starting school in September. We’ve had a few failed attempts in the past, and she just doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of knowing when she needs to go. The doctors and HV have been supportive and keep giving me all these different tactics to try but to no avail and since I’ve recently had another baby we’ve resorted back to nappies again.

Please don’t come for me, I know she’s late to be trained! Just looking for some support, tips, and to know I’m not the only one still having to change a 4 year old x

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Original poster
DearDog96 · 04/08/2026 13:25

sittingonabeach · 02/08/2026 01:09

I’m sure you were advised to go straight to toilet with toilet seat if needed in your previous threads, why have you only just ordered one?

I thought potty would be a good first step to get her to notice the feeling of needing to go. But she didn’t take to that either!

OP posts:
Original poster
DearDog96 · 04/08/2026 13:27

IdaGlossop · 03/08/2026 12:33

A new week. How's it going, OP?

Ok thanks, not much progress but we’re sticking with it! Not backing down this time💪

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 04/08/2026 14:05

Well done, OP, keep it up!

Doubledutchbuss · 04/08/2026 14:41

Keep going! If you’ve had any specific challenges do ask as some of us might have gone through this too

Doubledutchbuss · 21/08/2026 18:06

How’s it going op?

Original poster
DearDog96 · 22/08/2026 08:33

a Mixed bag really. Still sticking with it but having lots of accidents. It just doesn’t seem to be clicking 😩 she’s also a few times weed in her night nappy before bed which I’ve told her off for as I get her to try before I put it on her every night

OP posts:
Poppycorn123 · 23/08/2026 10:06

I commented previously OP, we have been potty training since early July and she's still having accidents during the day & night. She had a cold last week and had even more accidents. I've started putting dry nights over her underwear at night as im exhausted from washing bedsheets! It's not easy , I think some kids just need more time. My older ones got it so fast😫

Original poster
DearDog96 · 23/08/2026 10:16

Poppycorn123 · 23/08/2026 10:06

I commented previously OP, we have been potty training since early July and she's still having accidents during the day & night. She had a cold last week and had even more accidents. I've started putting dry nights over her underwear at night as im exhausted from washing bedsheets! It's not easy , I think some kids just need more time. My older ones got it so fast😫

Thanks lovely, you’re right! It’s exhausting but will be worth it in the end. Wishing you and DD all the luck in the world x

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 24/08/2026 22:15

DearDog96 · 22/08/2026 08:33

a Mixed bag really. Still sticking with it but having lots of accidents. It just doesn’t seem to be clicking 😩 she’s also a few times weed in her night nappy before bed which I’ve told her off for as I get her to try before I put it on her every night

Well done for sticking at it, OP!

I wouldn’t worry about her weeing in the nappy at night, though. Don’t make a big deal of it. Keep it as low key as possible

Original poster
DearDog96 · 25/08/2026 07:55

Rainallnight · 24/08/2026 22:15

Well done for sticking at it, OP!

I wouldn’t worry about her weeing in the nappy at night, though. Don’t make a big deal of it. Keep it as low key as possible

Show quote history

Thank you! It’s not easy but we’re still going.

and I’ll try. It’s just frustrating as it’s normally within about 10 mins of me getting her to try on the toilet and putting it on her. Plus it means we’re using double as I have to change her again before bed. Oh well - bigger fish to fry I guess!

OP posts:
Original poster
DearDog96 · 01/09/2026 16:03

Had a call with the school today and they’ve suggested sending her in in pull ups on Thursday (first day) as she’s not reliable enough yet.

Feeling like such a failure. We’ve been trying for weeks but she’s still just not getting the hang of it :/

OP posts:
Doubledutchbuss · 01/09/2026 16:50

DearDog96 · 01/09/2026 16:03

Had a call with the school today and they’ve suggested sending her in in pull ups on Thursday (first day) as she’s not reliable enough yet.

Feeling like such a failure. We’ve been trying for weeks but she’s still just not getting the hang of it :/

it might help that she will see her peers in her class using the toilet ect… but I think the pull ups sound like the best option for now. Quite often kids who are fully potty trained will have an accident in the first couple of weeks so best to let her settle in to school life first

IdaGlossop · 01/09/2026 17:07

Doubledutchbuss · 01/09/2026 16:50

it might help that she will see her peers in her class using the toilet ect… but I think the pull ups sound like the best option for now. Quite often kids who are fully potty trained will have an accident in the first couple of weeks so best to let her settle in to school life first

Show quote history

I agree that seeing her peers use the loo, and not being with you, will make a difference. My DD at about this age clung to me like a limpet in swimming pools. When she got invited to a pool party, I quietly warned the mother. When I went to collect her, I was amazed to hear she had been very confident in the water, splashing around just like all the others. In other words, my presence was a negative factor.

sparrowhawkhere · 01/09/2026 17:36

I commented early on in your thread OP and, as a reception teacher, as much as we say don’t worry, we’ll change her, we don’t want to be doing it, it takes time away from the rest of the children but all we all want is for the child to learn. You have finally seen how important your daughter doing things is and that’s great and hopefully you’ve realised it’s not about letting them do things when they’re ready as actually, that’s not being kind in the long run. Work with the school, thank them when they change her (we have parents who don’t thank us) and keep going. It will get easier .

sittingonabeach · 01/09/2026 17:55

Also send her in with changes of clothes. YR is likely to have a supply of old (but clean)underwear that can be used when a child has an accident, but helps if you. provide your own.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 01/09/2026 21:41

sittingonabeach · 01/09/2026 17:55

Also send her in with changes of clothes. YR is likely to have a supply of old (but clean)underwear that can be used when a child has an accident, but helps if you. provide your own.

She’ll be in pull ups so won’t be needing the underwear but will definitely send in a change of clothes in case she leaks or anything - thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
DearDog96 · 01/09/2026 21:43

sparrowhawkhere · 01/09/2026 17:36

I commented early on in your thread OP and, as a reception teacher, as much as we say don’t worry, we’ll change her, we don’t want to be doing it, it takes time away from the rest of the children but all we all want is for the child to learn. You have finally seen how important your daughter doing things is and that’s great and hopefully you’ve realised it’s not about letting them do things when they’re ready as actually, that’s not being kind in the long run. Work with the school, thank them when they change her (we have parents who don’t thank us) and keep going. It will get easier .

Thanks for all your support. I’ll work with the school of course and am very grateful that they’ll be changing her so that she’s dry and comfortable. Hopefully the influence of the other kids will sway her towards the toilet soon!

OP posts:
albalass · 01/09/2026 23:08

If your daughter is still having frequent accidents daily then I think you will have to take the school's pull-up advice as it would cause a lot of disruption in class and potential embarrassment for your daughter. But I think you need to think about how best to explain this to your daughter - she needs to understand that the pull-up is there in case she has an accident, rather than as a way of going to the toilet.

But at the same time, it's important that she doesn't take this to mean that having an accident at school is something awful. My son had three or four accidents during his Reception year, including two in his first week. He had been out of nappies from well before his third birthday - he had his accidents at school because he was either distracted/too busy playing or was in a situation where he was too shy to ask to use toilet (was very, very shy at that age) - all the accidents were when he just didn't quite make it to the toilet in time. Other children were similar. So if your daughter does have an accident she won't be the only one (and other children of that age won't care/know whether she had accident because she is still learning to use toilet as opposed to being distracted/shy etc). However what would mark her out to others is if she has several accidents every day.

Agree with PP to make sure she has a couple of changes of pants/skirts/socks with her, and one thing I didn't do but would do now is to include a cheap pair of plimsolls incase shoes get wet (as happened during a couple of my son's accidents).

I would also recommend speaking with your health visitor or GP for advice if your daughter is still struggling - it is unusual for a child with no other health issues to not be reliably most days by school age. There may be an underlying cause.

TooMatchaMatcha · 02/09/2026 23:47

albalass · 01/09/2026 23:08

If your daughter is still having frequent accidents daily then I think you will have to take the school's pull-up advice as it would cause a lot of disruption in class and potential embarrassment for your daughter. But I think you need to think about how best to explain this to your daughter - she needs to understand that the pull-up is there in case she has an accident, rather than as a way of going to the toilet.

But at the same time, it's important that she doesn't take this to mean that having an accident at school is something awful. My son had three or four accidents during his Reception year, including two in his first week. He had been out of nappies from well before his third birthday - he had his accidents at school because he was either distracted/too busy playing or was in a situation where he was too shy to ask to use toilet (was very, very shy at that age) - all the accidents were when he just didn't quite make it to the toilet in time. Other children were similar. So if your daughter does have an accident she won't be the only one (and other children of that age won't care/know whether she had accident because she is still learning to use toilet as opposed to being distracted/shy etc). However what would mark her out to others is if she has several accidents every day.

Agree with PP to make sure she has a couple of changes of pants/skirts/socks with her, and one thing I didn't do but would do now is to include a cheap pair of plimsolls incase shoes get wet (as happened during a couple of my son's accidents).

I would also recommend speaking with your health visitor or GP for advice if your daughter is still struggling - it is unusual for a child with no other health issues to not be reliably most days by school age. There may be an underlying cause.

There is an underlying cause: parental neglect.

IdaGlossop · 03/09/2026 00:15

TooMatchaMatcha · 02/09/2026 23:47

There is an underlying cause: parental neglect.

Show quote history

Neglect is a bit harsh. It's more lack of consistency on OP's part - stopping and starting, nappies on, nappies off, on the potty, on the loo, pull-ups on, back to the potty, pants on, pants off. The poor child must be confused and the chopping and changing communicates to DD that it's not really important so she does what's easiest - goes in the pull-up. Had she started at, say, just over two, there wouldn't have been a clash with the new-born.

Unlike most two-year olds though, a four-year old is old enough to understand a parent saying she's a big girl now and it would be much more fun to use the loo quickly like most of her friends rather than spend time being washed and having her knickers changed. OP has that on her side. Not on her side is that four is late and DD has other, more interesting things to think about. OP has used having a new-born as a reason not to focus on toilet training but this is flawed logic because a dry DD would be much less work for her than the current prolonged struggles.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 03/09/2026 04:32

The dummy, bottle and nappies at four? That’s not active parenting supporting your child’s needs as the grow. That’s lazy coasting.

Original poster
DearDog96 · 03/09/2026 14:05

IdaGlossop · 03/09/2026 00:15

Neglect is a bit harsh. It's more lack of consistency on OP's part - stopping and starting, nappies on, nappies off, on the potty, on the loo, pull-ups on, back to the potty, pants on, pants off. The poor child must be confused and the chopping and changing communicates to DD that it's not really important so she does what's easiest - goes in the pull-up. Had she started at, say, just over two, there wouldn't have been a clash with the new-born.

Unlike most two-year olds though, a four-year old is old enough to understand a parent saying she's a big girl now and it would be much more fun to use the loo quickly like most of her friends rather than spend time being washed and having her knickers changed. OP has that on her side. Not on her side is that four is late and DD has other, more interesting things to think about. OP has used having a new-born as a reason not to focus on toilet training but this is flawed logic because a dry DD would be much less work for her than the current prolonged struggles.

Show quote history

You’re probably right - a lack of consistency on my part hasn’t helped the situation. But the past is the past now, and I want to focus on getting her trained asap and making her transition to school as smooth as possible. Having her trained would definitely help as cleaning up endless accidents is knackering me. I’ve tried explaining that she’s a big girl now etc. but she’s not interested, probably because going in her pull ups or knickers is far easier. We’ll get there though 💪💪

OP posts:
Original poster
DearDog96 · 03/09/2026 14:06

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 03/09/2026 04:32

The dummy, bottle and nappies at four? That’s not active parenting supporting your child’s needs as the grow. That’s lazy coasting.

She only has the dummies and bottle at night now, and nappies we’re working on. But thank you for your helpful comment

OP posts:
Doubledutchbuss · 03/09/2026 14:09

OP made some mistakes but is owning it and trying hard to get back on track. My dc wasn’t potty trained until over 3 because I too was waiting for the magical day when they were supposed to show me they were ready that never came! Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you ca t change the past and as OP has said she wants advice on moving forward not what she’s done wrong in the past

IdaGlossop · 03/09/2026 14:23

DearDog96 · 03/09/2026 14:05

You’re probably right - a lack of consistency on my part hasn’t helped the situation. But the past is the past now, and I want to focus on getting her trained asap and making her transition to school as smooth as possible. Having her trained would definitely help as cleaning up endless accidents is knackering me. I’ve tried explaining that she’s a big girl now etc. but she’s not interested, probably because going in her pull ups or knickers is far easier. We’ll get there though 💪💪

Show quote history

A four-year old is far less biddable than a two-year old and much more independent, which is why you are having such a struggle. Ironically, you as her mum are probably the worst person to be training her as you are too familiar. I'm virtually certain that being at school and wanting to be like most of the other children will do the trick.