Potty training support for a four-year-old starting school in September

[DearDog96]

Hi all,

DD is 4 and is showing no signs of being ready to train yet which is concerning me as she’s due to be starting school in September. We’ve had a few failed attempts in the past, and she just doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of knowing when she needs to go. The doctors and HV have been supportive and keep giving me all these different tactics to try but to no avail and since I’ve recently had another baby we’ve resorted back to nappies again.

Please don’t come for me, I know she’s late to be trained! Just looking for some support, tips, and to know I’m not the only one still having to change a 4 year old x

I would assume SEND with a child this age so definitely be open minded to that if she just doesn’t get it as you have said. Not being potty trained at 4 is really unusual in a NT child. Good luck!

My granddaughter was dry within days of potty training but 2 years later she was still pooing in her pants. She had been on Movicol from weaning . Long story short she has now been diagnosed with Coeliac Disease. Game changer now she is GF 🙏

OP have you checked the school policy..will you or DP be called in to change nappies?

It’s recommended to go bare bottomed for potty training. Anything too close to feeling as though they are wearing a nappy triggers the muscle memory of weeing without being aware of it. The feeling of being wet is more noticeable and unpleasant without underwear/clothes.

It’s also recommended they are not reminded to go at intervals, as it interferes with their ability to learn the sensation of needing to go themselves.

There's a guide on startingreception.co.uk with other tips on supporting independence before school.

I'd be putting her on the loo at key points in the day, and having her bear bottom half at home for a few days until it starts to click.

Good luck!

What do you mean the school are prepared for this? They won't be changing your child they'll be calling you in to do it. And if she has constant accidents within the first week you will be called in for a conversation with the headteacher.

I'm assuming at age 4 for child can get themselves dressed and undressed yes?

I’m not keeping her in nappies. The very reason I’m here is that I’m trying to sort it in time for September. That’s when it becomes a developmental delay - at the moment she hasn’t even started school yet and so is still a preschooler which is very much the age at which kids train.

Well a) she might be more prepared/ready now and b) we absolutely won’t go back to nappies and there’s no big life transitions to mess things up! (I mean before starting school - of course school is a big one)

Do you not think I’ve tried that?

Yes I thought that same thing. OP you were doing so well with the cot and dummies and nappies. I think going backwards when the baby was born was a mistake

Bin the nappies forever. You can’t keep doing back to them. This is very confusing for the child.

Age 4 is not really the age that children potty train though. You need to forget about the school saying they will change her if necessary and take that off the table as an option. It’s not fair to anyone and won’t help. Being ready is a nonsense, you need to make it happen taking on board all the tips on here

You are quite delusional to this 4 yo is still a normal age to start potty training. It’s 2.

you are 2 years after the right time IMO. I can’t believe you’ve left yourself 6 weeks to do this before school. Get off mumsnet and just start doing it (nappies off, take her to the toilet every 30 mins. Clean up messes, praise any successes).

I will be potty training my third child next summer just before their 2nd birthday, this waiting til the child is ‘ready’ is a crock of shit that parents tell themselves to put off this task

Just tell her the shops didn’t have any nappies in her size, so saving the few you have for bedtime and she’ll need to use the toilet in the day.
A 4 year old in nappies is insane, honestly in my opinion if it’s not SEN it’s neglect.

I’m afraid I agree. I think op you need some tough love on here. This is very late. It’s not the child’s responsibility to tell you they’re ready, or to show signs of being ready. It’s not the schools responsibility to change her. Pretend the school have said they won’t take her until she is reliably dry. Then get her trained. The school saying they will change her is being used as a crutch here in my view. You’ve spoken on this thread and the other one, about other children being changed at school, the school saying they will do it. The baby stopped you from training her. Stop with the excuses and the crutches and tell yourself there is no other option at all than to get her trained

The school are not ‘prepared for this’

they will have 1 teacher and 1 TA likely for 30 children. They cannot take time away from 30 children to change a nappy (for safe guarding they need 2 adults present). Our school are not even allowed to wipe kids bums they have to do it themselves as it would require pulling another teacher out of their classroom to watch the class while the 2 teachers wipe 1 kids bums.

i think they will be calling you in fairly pronto if she does daily poos and wees in her clothes

She starts in a matter of weeks.

If you’ve tried binning nappies then why is she still in nappies? Who’s buying them for her?

Thank you! Nice to know others are struggling too and it’s not just me! What forum did you make your post in?

So unfair to your child to at this point bin the nappies and say “she’ll be fine” “now she’s ready” “this time we’ll stick to it” “there are no big life transitions”

School is the biggest transition there is for kids! Let alone your child who’s never even experienced a structured educational setting and routine!

Yes, you do have to bin the nappies now and never go back, but what a horrible situation to have left your child in weeks before she starts school.

I cannot get over you not deferring her, and giving yourself the next year to ditch all the baby things you’ve held onto in her life, and getting her into a nursery to get her used to the routine.

Thank you so much lovely, I really appreciate it!

I think in terms of practicalities I’ll go straight to the toilet and get one of those seats for her. I think she’s too big for the potty now and it’ll just add an extra step that we don’t need. Yes you won’t see a wee but she’ll still get the feeling and know she’s done one! Will give a sweet maybe for sitting on there and then something bigger like a Freddo for an actual wee or poo.

we’ve got time now with no big plans and good weather so hopefully should be a good time to do it.

and no, I’ll try not to pass the pressure onto her as much as I’m feeling it myself! I’ll try and not lose my mind or worry about the time but I can’t ignore it at the same time. I really don’t want her starting in nappies.

thanks again though for all your support. - I’ll take all of it on board and keep you updated :)

What's the bet op is back with the complaints that they won't change a nappy 😂 where I am a lot of places won't accept kids unless they are potty trained because as you say they don't have the staff for it

No they said they’re happy to change her

Maybe because most parents don't have your attitude to parenting. You've let her have a dummy and bottle for as long as she wants (to give it up when she's ready not when 'society' thinks she has to) now set her back with her toilet training. Dummies, bottles, nappies = she thinks she is a baby.
Then you tried to toilet train her just before you had your new baby & severally underestimated how long that would take her and the time you wouldn't have to keep it up.
Maybe you want to rethink your lackadaisical, nonchalant way of parenting isn't working now she is older and start getting a tighter grip on the situation. September is only around the corner.

That seems to be against most of the advice I’ve received on here but hey ho!