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Original poster

How can I help religious DD?

292 replies

IsabellaofFrance · 04/09/2015 20:20

My DD is 6.

She has become increasingly more religious in the last year. She attends Rainbows and Sunday School (at her request) and she loves both.

I think she understands that beliefs are individual and that not everyone believes the things she does, and she is happy to share her own beliefs. She has started to get interested in Dinosaurs and Space, and became really upset when learning about the creation of the universe as it doesn't fit with what she believes.

DH is Atheist, I am Christian but only attend Church semi-regularly and I just don't know how to handle it. I can't answer the questions she has without upsetting her. She is bright and articulate so its not explaining it on a level that is the problem, its knowing what to say.

OP posts:
goblinhat · 04/09/2015 21:46

I would keep her away from indoctrination like sunday school until she can is old enough to understand.

Doublebubblebubble · 04/09/2015 21:57

My DD is 5 and is obsessed with Jesus and god. Only got like this since starting (a secular) school. Myself and dh are atheist and whilst I don't mind her having this infatuation (rather hoping she'll grow out of it if we leave well enough alone) id rather have her know it all then just one side of the die (so have her learn about Islam, Judaism and all other facets of religion so I have been teaching her. Id definitely take her out of Sunday school as that's clearly going to be an issue later on with schooling - I agree with goblin that there is probably some indoctrination going on... No matter how well meaning. Tbh I try and answer questions as best as I can and as truthfully as I can and if it means hurting (their) her feelings now surely that will be better than later on. Xx good luck xx

HerRoyalNotness · 04/09/2015 22:07

You could say re creation, we don't know HOW God did it, and explanations scientists publish could be how it was done.

Because, even if we do believe God created the earth and everything in it, we don't actually know the process that was used to achieve this.

goblinhat · 04/09/2015 22:12

Except the Universe wasn't "created"- that implies someone behind the scenes.

doublebubble- you have a secular school? Is it private? In the UK?

Capewrath · 04/09/2015 22:23

V easy. You just say " some people believe x, some people believe y." Or " some people believe x, some people don't." You always give at least two sides to the answer.

Q how did God create the world mummy?
A well, darling, as you know, some people don't think there is a god and it came into being through a Big Bang and things just developed after that. Some people think that God set up the Big Bang. And some people think he created the animals and the fish and the stars in the way the bible describes it.

"What do you think, Mummy? "
"Well I don't really know, darling. I think daddy thinks it's the first, I sometimes think it could be the second. But I think the third is a lovely story and a way of explaining to people who didn't have much science. Shall we go to draw both the Big Bang and the making of the animals? "( or whatever)

Then you add," you can make your own mind up. And you can change your mind later. But it's not worth getting into arguments with people. They can get very upset. "

Hackersschmakers · 04/09/2015 22:25

Brilliant answer cape, and more succinctly than I had waffled on:)

goblinhat · 04/09/2015 22:26

A well, darling, as you know, some people don't think there is a god and it came into being through a Big Bang and things just developed after that. Some people think that God set up the Big Bang. And some people think he created the animals and the fish and the stars in the way the bible describes it.
Well I don't really know, darling. I think daddy thinks it's the first, I sometimes think it could be the second. But I think the third is a lovely story and a way of explaining to people who didn't have much science. Shall we go to draw both the Big Bang and the making of the animals? "( or whatever)
Then you add," you can make your own mind up. And you can change your mind later. But it's not worth getting into arguments with people. They can get very upset. "

As clear as mud.

This is a 6 year old we are talking about here.

goblinhat · 04/09/2015 22:30

Much easier to tell a six year old that god is imaginary, like a unicorn.

Doublebubblebubble · 04/09/2015 22:33

Its not private and it is in the UK. Surprised at your surprise goblin as I thought the vast majority of schools in the UK were secular... Perhaps I'm using the wrong word or are the majority of schools religious?? bit confoosed now lol (not talking about faith schools obviously)

dictionary.reference.com/browse/secular

I agree with you again on the "created" issue...

RhinestoneCowgirl · 04/09/2015 22:35

My 6 yr old DD tells me that she is a Christian, because she believes in Jesus. She knows I don't believe in god, not sure if she'd know the word atheist tho...

It's my fault for utilising the 'messy church' after school group when I needed childcare. They have biscuits and craft activities, she was hooked.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 04/09/2015 22:36

Thought UK state schools were required to have 'collective worship', and that this had to be broadly Christian?

goblinhat · 04/09/2015 22:37

Double- no sorry. There are no secular state schools in the UK. We do have non denominational schools which are common, but that's the best us atheists can hope for. Even these schools are required by law to "lead active worship...christian in nature".
In practice this gives any head teacher the free remit to indoctrinate as much as he or she likes.

Lovelydiscusfish · 04/09/2015 22:44

I'm Christian but also believe in, and am (relatively) interested in, Dinosaurs and Space. Most Christians i know do/are. It doesn't seem to be a problem.

In what ways is your dd struggling to reconcile these beliefs/interests? Is she wanting to make an absolutely literal interpretation of Genesis? This doesn't seem common among most of the Christian children I come across. To be fair, my parents aren't Christian in the least, but all the Christians I knew as a child told me fairly early on that parts of the Bible are metaphorical. That's what I tell DD too. (And that she can take or leave all of it, it's up to her.)

It will all be fine. Just tell her that different people believe different things re. God, but as long as they're good and kind people in the world, that's all that really matters.

I'm unable to discern exactly what is troubling you/her? But hope you are both ok.

goblinhat · 04/09/2015 22:49

Lovelydiscusfish

How do you know which parts of the bible are metaphorical, and which bits are literal?

Doublebubblebubble · 04/09/2015 22:58

Ahh I see - sorry I thought that that was "secular"

i'm bit thick me lol.

Where do you get secular schools??

I think (and this is coming from a 5 year old) that they have prayer at her school only during assembly, so I don't think that's as bad as it could be (not sure as I haven't asked though - probably should) as my DD has to say "amen"

fakenamefornow · 04/09/2015 23:01

creation of the universe as it doesn't fit with what she believes.

I'm sorry, are they teaching her that creationism is fact, and dinosaurs didn't exist, even at Rainbows? If they are I'd be fucking furious. I wouldn't mind so much if they take the facts, such as evolution, and fit the religion around it, "let there be light" interpreted as big bang for instance (I know, bb isn't a proved fact, unlike evolution), but ignoring/denying all the evidence to pass something without any scientific evidence off as fact, not on at all.

Take her to a museum and show her how great dinosaurs were. Ask them if they're teaching creationism, if they are complain, if they won't stop withdraw her. That's what I'd do.

goblinhat · 04/09/2015 23:07

Sounds like she is being indoctrinated somewhere.
When I became a parent helper at my kids school I was really surprised at how the day was peppered by religious overtones.
They would pray and worship in song at assembly, but have bible parables and Noah;s ark story etc read to them ( my DD thought these were real history lessons).
Even casual remarks the teacher would make " Oh look the sun is out, isn't god wonderful" or "jesus loves all children"

Hmm

Like you double I thought I was sending my kids to a non faith school.

mummytime · 04/09/2015 23:10

Lots of Christians believe in Dinosaurs, the Big Bang etc. I believe both the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury do for example.
Some of the bible is written as factual eg. The Gospels and Acts, some is chatty advice - The Epistels, some is wacky and metaphysical - Revelation and the end of Daniel. Most Christians believe that Genesis is a creation myth, not a Historical record, and is written in that style of literature.
I would ask a few more questions about what this Sunday school teaches, I countered some teaching my DC received and made sure they knew we didn't believe in creationism.

CoteDAzur · 04/09/2015 23:12

She is 6? I would take her distress after learning about Big Bang as a clear sign that something needs to be done and second what goblin said: "I would keep her away from indoctrination like sunday school until she can is old enough to understand".

fastdaytears · 04/09/2015 23:19

There shouldn't be any God at Rainbows. It's supposed to be individual beliefs and inclusive of all faiths and none. So I would hope the indoctrination isn't coming from there.

fastdaytears · 04/09/2015 23:20

I don't do Rainbows but the ones that come up to my Brownie group are big in to dinosaurs.

missymayhemsmum · 04/09/2015 23:22

When DD was about that age I remember explaining that there are different kinds of truth. That God is real and present but that people have different ideas about God, and different experiences and one person's idea being right doesn't make someone else's idea wrong. That a lot of things in the bible and other holy books are stories to tell us something important about God and people, written by people a long time ago.
A habit of bedtime prayer- saying thank you for the good bits of the day, sorry for anything that went wrong, and asking God to look after anyone she is a bit worried about- will do her no harm at all.

AlanPacino · 04/09/2015 23:28

some of the bible is written as factual eg. The Gospels and Acts, some is chatty advice - The Epistels, some is wacky and metaphysical - Revelation and the end of Daniel. Most Christians believe that Genesis is a creation myth, not a Historical record, and is written in that style of literature.

But what you're missing out, and the most pertinent point is that that what you happily call a myth was taken as truth up until not so long ago. it constantly being reinterpreted as humans develop and in ways that reveal that there was no supernatural wisdom guiding the writers such as the massive change in attitude to slavery and LBGT.

AlanPacino · 04/09/2015 23:33

and different experiences and one person's idea being right doesn't make someone else's idea wrong

So how will you explain to her the divide in opinion on what God thinks about LBGT? They all swear they're listening to God, but he's telling them different things? They can't all be right in their own way because their positions are contradictory. And if you say that the ones who aren't onside with LBGT are mistaken then that means a mere 30 years ago almost all Christians were mistaken. Eventually she may realise God is either very confused/pitiful at communicating with his believers/made up.

AlanPacino · 04/09/2015 23:36

As for Genesis being a myth, it was a myth Jesus appeared to believe with his references to Noah, Adam etc. it's a bit mean for him to go along with it knowing as he should have done that it was a pretty story for humans that God thought too stupid to grasp evolution.

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