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Original poster

To not want to be a Muslim

499 replies

Lostagain · 10/06/2012 22:40

Ok so I am a Muslim, have 2 dd and married dh is a convert to Islam....
Anyway from a young age I have had a strong pull towards Christianity or aspects of it. I don't believe Jesus is the son of god, but do believe he will return again etc.
Is it a cultural thing? I was born and brought up in the uk, went to a cofe school for a few years then we went to a inner city which was full of Asians- I am Asian but it was horrible, I hated it. Despite this I still sang on the school choir, certain people were horrified at the time, but my mum supported me. In my teens i went a bit religion mad and started wearing a headscarf etc- didn't last long,
i love Christmas and Easter, I sing hymms when I'm washing upHmm i've been to a few church's in my time, funerals weddings etc and to be honest it's so peaceful there.
I have been to mosques it was ok,actually I couldn't wait to get out of there....Maybe it's a language barrier
I haven't spoken to anyone about this as it is such a big thing -changed my name on mn but sometimes I just don't want to be a Muslim. I want to bring up my children with faith and I struggle to explain the Muslim faith.

I'm sure there is the odd sentence in the above which makes sense :)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/06/2012 22:43

Despite this I still sang on the school choir, certain people were horrified at the time, but my mum supported me.

Fuck me, was your singing that bad? Grin

If you don't want to be a Muslim then don't be a Muslim.

However, I'd hold back rather than jump straight from one religion to another...just take some time to think.

I was raised a Catholic and it's certainly not for me.

Goofus · 10/06/2012 22:43

Feel a bit out of my depth as a non-believer. But just wanted to say, follow your heart. Smile

TheSecondComing · 10/06/2012 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

enimmead · 10/06/2012 22:45

What do you believe?
I am not religious and I struggle with the fact people are born into a faith. I think you should be free to choose your own faith.

What do you think your parents will think? Your DH?

I can imagine it would be very hard to bring up children where 2 parents have conflicting views. I personally think a child should be brought up with values but not to be indoctrinated into a faith without them understanding.

LentillyFart · 10/06/2012 22:46

I think you have to follow your heart as goofus says. I was raised Catholic and they did a surprisingly good job - I can't imagine ever being anything else even though I am totally non-practising! If you feel you could be something else then I'd suggest you feel like that for a reason and should pursue it.

difficultpickle · 10/06/2012 22:50

Is there an expectation that you can only not be a Muslim if you are actively something else?

I was born and raised CofE and have a very laid back view of religion as a result. I went to Sunday school as a child and had ds christened. He went to Sunday school until he started rugby (couldn't do both because of timings!). Then he became a choirboy and goes every to church every Sunday, which means I do to. I enjoy it mainly because it is a quiet time in a very busy week where I can just sit and think. Still no strong belief but I like the sense of community it brings (small village church).

Selks · 10/06/2012 22:51

I hope people will be sensitive in their responses to the OP. Decisions like this can be massive and difficult, particularly if you've been brought up within a culture that aligns its'self to a particular religion.

And I'm sure she doesn't need questioning about her choice to be religious. It is her choice after all.

OP, I can see this must be a big decision for you. However you can take your time, do some reading, thinking, talking; contact people in your area who might be useful to speak, talk to friends.

What we believe and how we choose to lead our lives is a very personal thing. You have to do what you ultimately feel is right for you. Best wishes.

Original poster
Lostagain · 10/06/2012 22:51

Thanks guys, dh converted to marry me, which is not the done thing in islam as only men can marry non muslims- my parents were ok with the fact that he converted, and have a brill relationship with him, he was christened and now calls himself an atheist.
I think it's brought it home a little after dad passing away, I questioned lots of things, but when explaining death to little children I tend to talk of Jesus and heaven as they understand that much more than hellfire etc...

OP posts:
Firawla · 10/06/2012 22:52

If you don't believe Jesus is son of God then what is it thats pulling you to Christianity? is it not something you could get from islam? if you want you and dc to have a faith but find it hard to explain some aspects of islam then maybe it would help to spend time in trying to clarify those things for yourself or is it the religion as a whole??

If you dont want to be a muslim noone can force you, but im just thinking that you are gonna have a major backlash from your family and community and it would be really hard for you and is it something that's worth it for you when you don't seem too sure about the whole thing really? I would definitely hold off from any big statements like leaving islam and becoming muslim, if you are not sure. If you have your own private doubts or issues with various things thats normal everyone suffers with that to a greater or lesser extent here and there

Are you from a muslim family or have you converted? sorry wasnt quite sure whether only your dh has converted or you as well?

What do you believe in, hyms and christmas easter etc is a side issue really, if you believe in Allah as one God with no partners then you're muslim and if you believe in jesus is the son of god then you are christian? if you are very unsure then pray to God to guide you to the correct path for you.

Firawla · 10/06/2012 22:53

sorry x post you answered some of those qs already

squeakytoy · 10/06/2012 22:54

How does your DH feel about it. I would think he converted because he loves you, and would be just as happy whatever you wanted to be.

It is your life, do what makes YOU happy, and as long as that is not hurting others, then it isnt wrong, whatever you want to do.

Jinsei · 10/06/2012 22:55

Nobody can tell you what to believe. And don't trust anyone who tries to. This decision is between you and your conscience.

TheSecondComing · 10/06/2012 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vanfurgstan · 10/06/2012 22:58

Muslims believe that Jesus will return and that he is not the son of God but a prophet and Christmas and hymns are a cultural thing.
You should do watever you feel comfortable with but you dnt seemed to have researched anything.

thebody · 10/06/2012 22:58

I just don't get the whole religion thing but I would say if pushed its all about control and generally patriarchy and mysoginistic.

Anyhow if you feel the need to belive something then belive in yourself. Follow your heart and the religion that makes most sense to you.

Vanfurgstan · 10/06/2012 22:58

Sorry I meant to say christmas and hymns are NOT a cultural but a christian thing

Original poster
Lostagain · 10/06/2012 23:01

I am incredibly lucky with my immediate family, as they have supported me through many things, I know of families where this would be an absolute no no, shame etc...

OP posts:
cantspel · 10/06/2012 23:07

Be what you want to be and if your family are as supportive as you say they are they will be happy if you are happy.

Original poster
Lostagain · 10/06/2012 23:08

Christmas, hymns Easter etc have always been celebrated in our house since we were little, my mothers side of the family are very relaxed about religion my fathers side a little mad!

Which is why I ? Is it a cultural thing? I have read the Quran in Arabic which I didnt understand a word of, read bits in English still Hmm

Maybe I need to sleep and have a clear head in the morning Confused

OP posts:
NameGotLostInCyberspace · 10/06/2012 23:12

Maybe at this time you are having a period of confusion about what you believe and what you were taught to believe.

It could be down to the death of loved one (as I got from post) or just that it wasn't something you were questioning before and just accepting things as they were. maybe you just need a period of time for thought and reflection.

No need as yet for announcements of leaving Islam or converting to another faith. Just take it easy and pray for guidance (if you feel that helpful).

Springforward · 10/06/2012 23:13

What was DH before he converted?

rainydaysarebad · 10/06/2012 23:13

You know about Christianity because you speak english. You mention you don't feel at home in a mosque because of a
Language barrier. Have you even attempted to learn about Islam or Christianity by yourself? Because it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you're just wanting to belong to a religion, but not sure which one to go with; the one that is easily accessible (Christianity) or the one you don't understand or Are attempting to understand (Islam). Islam isn't about hellfire - you
Might want to read up On that.

NameGotLostInCyberspace · 10/06/2012 23:15

As others have suggested, you may want to take your time and learn without pressure, from the beginning, the basics of all faiths.

ReallyTired · 10/06/2012 23:26

I think it does no harm to learn and explore different faiths. Learning about what other people believe helps to understand the world around you and what makes you tick.

I suggest that you try reading the gospels. Pick a modern translation like the new international version. You can read gospels on line. Don't worry whether Jesus was the son of God, or whether you believe in the ressurection. I suggest that you take what is useful to you. I found it really powerful to find out about Jesus as a real person through the new testament.

The bible or the quran were written thousands of years ago. Some of what is written is applicable to the 21st century.

Very few christians find it 100% easy to believe that Jesus is the son of God born of the virgin Mary or even indeed to believe in the ressurection. We aren't all like Doulting Thomas and given the opportunity to feel the holes in Jesus' hands from the crufixiction.

lovebunny · 10/06/2012 23:26

hang on a minute.
leaving Islam, apostasy, is a sin which some feel is punishable by death. is that a risk you want to take? not to mention the shame for your family, risk of your children being ostracised... those are the hard words. they needed to be said.
God will lead you where you need to go. maybe it is to martyrdom. you can trust God.
but i would ask you to think this through. what is it about Islam that bothers you? the teachings of the Prophet or the way some people today put them into action?
i am Christian, born, raised and by conviction. my worldview is western liberal, influenced by the enlightenment. the majority of people from my background, who have had regular contact with Islam and Muslims, do not understand that a middle-eastern theocratic worldview is entirely different. different down to the basics, almost down to the body cells! this affects every thought and deed.
it seems to me that you probably, due to your background, have a lot of 'western liberal' and it is conflicting with the 'middle-eastern theocratic'.
i would suggest you go back to the Qur'an and hadith and explore the Prophet's message and sunnah. i don't know, but i think you might find comfort there and a way forward.
all religions are hard to explain, when you want to tell your children 'the truth' and make their path ahead clear and straight. as a Christian, i find the position of Jesus, and the concept of the Trinity, quite challenging.

this life is a test. you are being tested. may God guide you on a safe path that leads to Him.