To not want to be a Muslim

[Lostagain]

Ok so I am a Muslim, have 2 dd and married dh is a convert to Islam....
Anyway from a young age I have had a strong pull towards Christianity or aspects of it. I don't believe Jesus is the son of god, but do believe he will return again etc.
Is it a cultural thing? I was born and brought up in the uk, went to a cofe school for a few years then we went to a inner city which was full of Asians- I am Asian but it was horrible, I hated it. Despite this I still sang on the school choir, certain people were horrified at the time, but my mum supported me. In my teens i went a bit religion mad and started wearing a headscarf etc- didn't last long,
i love Christmas and Easter, I sing hymms when I'm washing up i've been to a few church's in my time, funerals weddings etc and to be honest it's so peaceful there.
I have been to mosques it was ok,actually I couldn't wait to get out of there....Maybe it's a language barrier
I haven't spoken to anyone about this as it is such a big thing -changed my name on mn but sometimes I just don't want to be a Muslim. I want to bring up my children with faith and I struggle to explain the Muslim faith.

I'm sure there is the odd sentence in the above which makes sense :)

"leaving Islam, apostasy, is a sin which some feel is punishable by death. is that a risk you want to take? not to mention the shame for your family, risk of your children being ostracised... those are the hard words. they needed to be said."

Surely the OP has the right to explore her religious beliefs as much as anyone. Its not as if she has actively decided to get baptised.

She lives in the UK as does her children. I doult that her children will be ostracised in the UK where muslims are in a tiny minority and fundermentalist muslims are an even smaller minority.

I suppose if it was the other way round and you were a christian you could have a chat with a priest. Are you able to have a chat with an Iman?

Lostagain - i understand where you are coming from; i'm white English but was never Christened; neither were most of my extended family, but i didn't know why.
I attended a C of E church for 8 years because my neighbours' children all went to Sunday School - but I left aged 13 because i felt that i didn't fit in or truly believe. My parents attended for a while too, but left for the same reasons as me.

After much thought & soul searching i KNOW i'm not a Christian - i believe in God / Allah but not in Jesus as the son of God.
I have discovered that my maternal grandmother is from a German Jewish background, & my paternal great grandmother from a Russian Jewish background. That has made me think hard about my religious & cultural identity.

Don't make any rushed decisions on faith. You need to do lots of research & reading on the subject of the Abrahamic religions. The core moral beliefs of all 3 religions are very similar.
I know that Muslims believe in Jesus as a prophet, but not as the son of God - I think that may be why you find it easy to sing hymns about Jesus etc.
If you don't believe that Jesus was the son of God, then you will not be a true Christian. If you do decide to become a Christian then you will need to think about which denomination suits you - & that's not easy as there are up to 40 denominations?

I celebrate Christmas & Easter because i'm British & that's my culture - you are a Muslim but you are British too, so it makes sense for you to want to celebrate festivals that are part of British culture.
It doesn't mean that you have to believe in the religious part of those festivals - for example i see Easter as a Spring festival celebrating new life, but i don't believe in the resurrection.
Both festivals were celebrated in the British Isles long before Christianity arrived here.

You should explore your cultural identity. Think about what being British means to you - it can be confusing to be British with immigrant ancestors but that's what you are - a British woman with a Muslim background.

I'm sure that you can continue to identify as a Muslim without practising the religion - same as if you are Jewish, Catholic or Protestant.
It would IMO be a shame to give up your original identity.

At their roots, the Abrahamic religions are all very very similar really. Not much differentiates them to me other than the ethnicities of the people who follow them.

I'm not religious, but the thing that religion has that I would quite like to have, is routine and ritual. These have a bonding effect on believer, they seem to be something that we need in life. You will find lots of non-believers developing rituals of their own because there is a need for it.

I suspect that you need to personally feel comfortable with these rituals, ceremonies, and rules - it's not whether God, Mary or Allah did x or y - it's not about what you believe, but about the things you need to do to share the belief with others.

I do wish there were more people around like you that would take a good look at what they are doing as part of their religion and decide for themselves what suits them or their families best. Good luck with your decision.

I echo what others have said, read the bible, read quran in English with explanation, go to some Islamic.circles, watch some you tube lectures, go to alpha course? And ask God to guide you.

I think you need to research. There are easier accessible English translations of the quaraan nowadays - even try kids books on amazon!

You must surely need to research the religion that you are leaving to make an informed decision?

As the Others have said you can still celebrate Easter and Xmas - the majority of Britain does - that doesn't make most people practicing Christians?!

And then I guess you have to research which religion you are. Maybe you are atheist?

Is islam not glamorous enough for you? You need to research Islam rather than make uninformed decisions. Your children aren't Muslim as you have married a fake Muslim (just converted for marriage) so you don't really need to worry about that either.

Religion is opium of masses! Consider atheism.

Gosh a 'fake muslim' that's funny.

What I fail to understand is how much time you appear to have to indulge in all this soul searching.

Just live a good life and enjoy it.

TBH. most religions have the same core values - the desire to worship God & lead a spiritual life & be kind & helpful to others. There is a hell in Christianity too remember!

If you don't believe that Jesus is the son of God, then you cannot be and are not at heart a Christian, because that is at the very core of Christianity. Jesus being the son of God. If that isn't what you believe, then you are not a christian.

I would suggest that you spend a lot of time reading about all faiths (and about being agnostic and atheist), really exploring the whole issue, thinking about your feelings, perhaps talking to lots of people. You may find something that clicks for you.

It's good that you are not blindly following but are looking at what you believe and seeking out something that makes sense to you.

fake Muslim. Nice.

Rip I was directly quoting a comment by mustgettagym!!!!

Read the posts please before you comment on mine.

Apology accepted.

So was I.

Oh dear then accept my apology to you and have a lovely day... Shuffles off onto naughty step!!!

Thanks to everyone that has posted some interesting replies.

I will take a break and look at both faiths in depth then make my decision.

I know islam is not all about hellfire - can be rammed down your throat thou at times- i did attened islamic studies when i was younger, but the lady teaching couldnt explain half the questions we had ie we regard mary as the most important female in islam but women are treated as rubbish half the time...etc and I know hell and heaven in faith, just think Islam thinks if you don't do this you will go to hellfire etc and Christianity there is a hope of heaven and forgiveness etc
Maybe it's the way I have been taught maybe it's because I don't have any Muslim friends, I spend most of my time in the company of dh family who are Christians/atheists, I live in a non Muslim area etc.....

Thanks again

X

what a lot of nonsense >shame on your family
who gives a flying fanjolita what people think of you, just be a good person and be true to who you are, don't let dogma rule your life.
Be free, be happy. If there was a higher being s/he wouldn't be so ignorant as to wish you to suffer.

I have to second lovebunny. Leaving Islam is apostasy and a punishable offense, usually by death. Are any of your relatives particularly religious? How would your parents feel about you leaving Islam? Even if you do "leave" Islam, your children will still be considered Muslims should they ever move back to or visit Asia, as will you.

fgs who exactly is going to punish her for apostasy?

Lostagain it seems you dont know anything about Islam. and was taught in a counter-productive way.

Islam preaches "Allah forgives those who truly repent"

Allah says: ?Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.? [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

Do you know the meaning of Ar Rahman nir Raheem?

Lostagain, you are obviously having a crisis of faith at the moment and I suggest you really do try to understand Islam properly in English before making a decision. As a convert to Islam I do find that some aspects of Islam are puzzling but I always pray to Allah to guide me and help me understand. As for the family aspect if your conviction is so strong regarding leaving Islam then you must understand the consequences of doing so. When I converted my family disowned me briefly (we are now on normal if not better terms), I was prepared to accept that though.

I think that the isolation aspect of being Muslim is what is bothering you more to be honest and everyone has a longing (even if subconcious to fit in). I am here to support you if you like, I am a teacher of religious studies at a 80% Muslim state school and the issues you raised are ones which my students bring up to me all the time. For example why we have certain beliefs or why certain things are not allowed. A lot of them are unsatisfied with how they are taught in the madrassa and also the most relevant and important issues to them are not touched.

Also can I please clarify the Islamic belief on apostasy, if someone openly declares they are leaving Islam they are an apostate but this is punishable in an Islamic country under sharia law, as we are in neither OP doesn't really need to worry about this. However if a person was to leave Islam in their heart and did not express it openly then it is only for Allah to judge them. When a person doubts their faith we say that they are low in emaan (literally=faith) and this is normal, and a test for Muslims.

The family aspect is linked in with pride and honour within the community and also the cultural aspect.

OP PM me if you want to talk and need support, I am happy to help you.

Agree nailak, the forgiveness and mercy aspect of Allah and Islam is so great and it is not this unmovable set of rules. Honestly Islam is such a beautiful religion and it's image is tarnished by the media and Muslims. To me Islam is perfect but Muslims are not.

Lostagain, I think that lots of people have a bit of a wobble, regarding faith, when they lose a loved one. With that in mind, I would say to you that you don't have to make definite decisions right now. You have your whole life to think about this stuff and come to conclusions as to what you do and don't believe. You are grieving right now - it's not the time to make big choices imo.

If you came to the conclusion that you are not a Muslim, then there is no need to make a big announcement about it to wider family, if it is likely to cause your problems - you can just quietly lead your life, doing as you please and not discussing it outside of your immediate family, either way.

So far as Christmas and Easter are concerned - I celebrate both and am an atheist. These were Pagan festivals, long before they were adopted by Christians. They were timed to coincide with our existing festivals in the hope of converting the population to Christianity. They are part of our cultural heritage and so, regardless of faith, you have every right to celebrate them.

Wrt your children, let them formulate their own opinions without pressure. I have told mine that some people believe in a God and other people don't. Their school regularly has prayers and teaches them hymns, but they know this is something I don't believe to be true. I answer their questions as honestly as I can, but ultimately, they will grow up to decide for themselves.

I moved very gradually from atheism to agnosticism to Christianity in the course of my twenties, and my best advice is take it slowly and see what happens. Perhaps try connecting with God first, without worrying too much whether its the 'Christian' or 'Muslim' God, and then try to discern where God might be calling you. If some time out would help, it might be worth going on a retreat. Many Benedectine monasteries offer people the chance to stay for a few days for to reflect and to enjoy the peace and silence (and at least in my experience you don't have to be Christian or to attend services at the monastery).

Oh, and talk to your husband. That's what they are there for

PS Just wanted to add that the best way to learn about Christianity is to read the gospels, alongside a short, straightforward commentary like Tom Wright's (retired C of E Bishop of Durham).

Ultimately being a theist I would say what matters is what God is calling you to. From a Christian POV (and I presume from a Muslim point of view) festivals and all the rest are just externals. What matters is meeting God.