How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

The larger families I know a lot of the housework and babysitting ended up the older kids responsibility.

they did grow up very resentful, and none of them have had more than 2 kids themselves because of how they grew up.

i don’t think it’s fair on them. It’s the parents responsibility.

o/p you need to outsource. Cleaner, gardener. Get a mobile hairdresser round to do everyone in one day. Order on line and get delivery as much as possible. Mobile car cleaner etc.

Don't be silly love

I'm a bit puzzled because If you are bothered about cleaning stuff you can't even see, why would you have 6 kids.
You'll be able to get your nails done and dust under the chairs in about 16 years, no point worrying about it.

Honestly, less children! Or buying in help relieves a lot of the issues too. If you have that many children and work you cannot do it all

I’ve got half the number of kids, and work 3 days only. That’s how I do it and even then I resent how much practical stuff I do day in day out to keep the wheels turning.

I honestly don't think it is possible to work 4 and 6 days a week and have 6 (fairly) young children and achieve everything you list without additional help. There are literally not enough hours in the day. You are going to have to prioritise and make choices over how to spend your time and money. Some thing are just not going to happen (unless you have unlimited funds for paid help, which it sounds like you don't).

Definitely online shopping. And a cleaner every other week is often enough to be very useful if the cost of every week is too much.

Don't have six kids. But now it's too late for that, lower standards dramatically

@boymum06xo I know someone with 5 children- she's not working and has a cleaner twice a week.

I've got 2 children and I'm a sahm. They each got their room and I have plenty of time for them and cooking. Our house doesn't look perfect even though clean because it's not a priority for me.

My parents did it somehow. Their kids were a little more spaced out than yours though. I think my mum didn’t really sleep and she did have a lot of mental health problems later down the road. They did both work, had us all, house was clean, we were clean and fed. I think it’s doable but at a cost somewhere along the road.

You don't unless you can pay staff.

I would have loved 6 children. We don't have 6 childten. We wouldn't cope as we can't pay for domestic and practical help.

Id say it was more or less impossible. Most folk dont have 6 children and if they do they either have one parent at home or lots of help. Nanny/ cleaner and so on.

Why’s that?

Ok- I’ll sell a few.

Because you have a ridiculous number of children and can’t manage.

If you’re worried about all that why on earth would you have six kids. There’s a reason I don’t know anyone with six kids.

round here 3 is pretty extreme, though I know exactly two families with four children each.

Given you said the reason you work with 6 kids is because you need to - am guessing you can’t actually afford the level of outsourcing that makes a large family with two working parents actually doable. So I think you can ask you children to help - but not to be quasi parents/houskeepers. Eg emptying dishwasher or doing dishes is fine. Asking a child to wash skirting boards isn’t IMO.

I wouldn’t have thought it was possible to do it all. Plenty of people find it hard enough with just two children where both parents are having to work FT. I have two DCs and was able to maintain a clean and tidy house because I only worked PT. Maybe one of you could earn more money so that the other one can go part time? If not, I think you’ll have to just ignore the housework for the foreseeable future. Sounds like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew really. Did you not think about any of this before deciding to keep having babies? There must have been a point at which you realised you were stretching yourself quite thin! If having time to get your nails done is important to you, you could have probably stopped at two or three DCs- I’m not sure ‘me time’ really exists when you have six kids, unless you are wealthy enough to afford help.

Iv got six over 20 yrs. The most I had at home was 5 for two years. I now have two adult girls and a ten yr old girl at home plus my doggies. Husband works away normally and I work 50 hrs at home. I get up at 6am and run round like a lunatic for an hour. I’m useless in the evening.

Things are a lot easier for me now they are older. I like a very clean home and won’t drop my standards. My kids don’t do a lot tbh. I’m get jobs done in the day when I can.

Your children are all very close in age so I can imagine incredibly difficult. If I was you I would drop another day at work or get paid help in.

I have one child and I'm not on top of anything 🤷

I reckon you can only do three things well. So you can’t be a good mum to 6, hold down a job 4 days a week, have a social life, look after your marriage , have a clean and tidy house and look put together.

You need to outsource and drop your standards.

You buy your time back if you can afford it. You hire a cleaner, pay someone to do your laundry/gardening or whatever and if your extra fancy pay a chef to meal prep for you (or bulk cook once a week).

we have a cleaner and a window cleaner and I’m just about to have baby #4 so I always pay for my laundry to be done for the first few months to take all the pressure off. It’s costly but it saves my time and my sanity

I can see you’re getting a hard time with your post, I had five in 7 years, it wasn’t the plan, I had twins for number 3 and then a surprise but realistically we ran a business from home, had a full time nanny, my mum helped a lot and we had a cleaner three days a week for a while. When the twins arrived I gave up going to the supermarket and did one online shop a week, always at the same time, I gave up ironing anything and like a previous poster said when they became teenagers they all did their own laundry. You just have to be very organised and decide what’s important to you. I would much rather spend time with the kids than clean something. God knows how we managed but I only have one left at home now and we survived, I loved it and they’re all really close with me and each other thankfully.

Probably because you’re struggling to cope with the 6 you already have?

Eek 6 kids.

I'd get them doing chores tbh.

I have 5 DC and work full time in a senior leadership role and always have, even when they were babies. I don’t earn a huge salary though between us we are high earners. I had a nanny when they were small and I paid her my entire salary to maintain my career (we share finances btw) even now my youngest is 10 I have a cleaner 7 hours a week but I do all school drop offs, a lot of pick ups, all laundry, ironing, cooking etc.

I have to be very very organised. I make packed lunches for the week on Sundays and freeze the sandwiches, getting them out the night before to thaw for example. I cook a weeks worth of meals at the weekend and put in the slow cooker to heat up each evening etc. I am basically a professional juggler but there is little flex in my schedule.