How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

Being at work can be a lot easier than being at home, especially if you have 6 children.

My job is very low stress, I work in my own office and the job I do is well within my capabilities. One of my colleagues has a lot of children and loves coming back to work after she has been on holiday. She sometimes comes in when she doesn't have to. I actually have a couple of colleagues who do this.

From observation only I would say that people with larger families tend to have houses that look more ‘lived in’. Something has to give. I must say though that I raised my son in really bad levels of mess and disorganisation and there was only 1 of him. I considering assessment for ADHD though. These days I have a cleaner.

I think if you even think about your skirting boards you are doing pretty well - I’ve never cleaned one seriously in my life and don’t really think about them. I’d imagine from what you post that you are running a pretty functional home in good condition while raising a big family and working. You are awesome. The problem is that the person suffering is you. Your time and energy for your children has value so I would definitely outsource more of the grubt work if you possibly can.

Single parent to six, only three left at home now. I’ve always worked, and in the hard years of youngest ones being pre-school-age had a cleaner weekly. I don’t know if I’ve always been organised or if I just needed to be - I do have Asperger’s and love efficiency so that’s helped! We had boxes near the door for everyone to keep their school stuff in, everyone had one colour of socks/pants, everything possible was labelled, I kept a firm bedtime routine so I did actually get some real downtime.
We have no family at all, it’s just me and them and has been for years, and I am so glad they will have each other when I’m gone…they are all close.

What you’re saying sounds just like what my mum would say to people questioning her about having 5 children. However, myself and my 4 siblings had a very different view of our lives. We didn’t have enough 1:1 time, we hated sharing absolutely everything, we hated having to do our own laundry once we started secondary school, we hated not having support with our homework, we hated hardly seeing our dd]ad because he had to work such long hours to support us - and so on… People thought my mum was amazing, and in some ways she was. She was funny and clever and beautiful. But it was a front; she was too knackered with all of us to spend any ready quality time with us.
I vowed not to have a big family for all the reasons above - I would t wish it on my children.

@boymum06xo there’s a larger families board here, you might wish to start a new thread there. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/larger_families Congratulations on your wonderful children, and don’t worry about the cleaning!

I'm sorry that was your experience. Mine are grown now and tell a very different story to you. They always feel I was very present, they didn't have to share anything - they had their own things as they are individuals and not a collective. They didn't do their own laundry until they got to an age that they should be learning how to do it anyway (usually about 16 in our house). My kids had help with their homework and their father worked normal full time hours, five days a week. Your experience is not everyone's.

Late to the party and I only have 4 (14, 12, 10 and 7 yo) but yeah, it's just not possible. Talk to yourself like you would a beloved sister and give yourself permission to let go of the chores.

My priority is emotionally supporting my kids and being there for them practically, such as supporting with homework and after school clubs. Therefore we live in a house that's functional rather than nice. You do need to decide what your priority is.

The only family I know with 4 kids (and one on the way) looked collectively and domestically disheveled once they had their second.

I have 2 and struggle sometimes.

You made a choice to have 6 DC and along with that comes the necessity to work, and also the need to acknowledge that your house is going to look like a bomb site for some/most of the time and yourself likewise.

• online shopping
• get a cleaner
• reduce your working hours
• kids help out with chores
• lower standards. If all you’re worrying about is skirting boards, you’re doing alright.

Why are multiple people on this thread saying don't clean skirting boards they need cleaning not daily but they get filthy if you don't clean them at all

They're an occasional job but it's not that hard. Just wipe a damp cloth along them.

This doenst surprise me. My DH & I work. We have two kids and struggle to give them enough support with homework and there’s 2 of them!!

Two jobs and 6 kids isn’t manageable. Something has to give.

I always think Ballerina Farm’s older boys seem so sad like little serious mini men.

Op seeing as you can’t give them back, is try to bring family members into help so the boys get enough attention.

You just have to pay for the help OP. You decided to have 6 children so must have thought it was do-able.

My aunt has 6 children, they all do chores and she works one day a week and their house is never tidy. I have 2 children and work 5 days a week and my house gets tidied if someone is coming g over, otherwise it’s a mess, you can’t have it all.

I don’t think I’ve ever cleaned a skirting board in my life, what are you doing that they’re getting dirty?

Congrats on your large family OP. So many people on here are highly critical once you go past the ‘allotted’ 2 children, they don’t know what they are missing out on.

I have three and I’ve dropped down to working 3 days a week recently vs 4 days. I now have a day to myself to get jobs done and see a physio. The impact is massive, the house looks better, I’m happier and I’ve even started baking again. It’s made me realise that the problem before was not enough time, and not having time in the week without the kids to crack on.

Although I’ve dropped 20% hours the impact to my pay was 12%, so financially it won’t make a massive difference. Is dropping a day something you could do?

They just get dusty, like anything else. You can run the vacuum over them when you do that, but they do need a wipe every now and then.

I don’t think that’s true. I think in recent times people realise how much work raising a child actually is including ensuring a child’s emotional welfare.

Please can you post photos of your never cleaned skirting boards? 😀

Said it before but I think big families must have been a different prospect when benign neglect was normal and schools didn't expect the level of input that they do now.

Don’t have six children maybe?
Why are you asking us ?

If there are families of 8 successfully keeping the house tidy, washing, socialising etc I expect the older children will be chipping in significantly more than is usual with childcare and housework. Unless the parents can afford to outsource things.

I think if you have 6 young kids and are working the hours between you of two FT jobs, then you’re bound to be exhausted! It’s a lot. We work full time and have two kids and are knackered. I’m definitely not getting my nails done….

That’s so rude!

(sorry that was to the person who told her to use her time to go on contraception)

They get dusty though. I clean the dust off mine.