How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

I think you have no choice but to buy in help if you want to keep on top of everything, and if you can’t afford that, you just need to lower your standards dramatically.

While I think some responses are a little harsh (and pointless - once you have the kids there is no point in people saying you shouldn’t) I think a lot of people, perhaps rightly, assume having 6 kids is not necessarily great for the children. I know a lot of people who came from big families (Catholic, mostly) and notably none went on to have large families - some chose not to have children at all. That is because their parents made them responsible for the childcare of the younger siblings and they felt they had “done parenting” before even turning 18 and/or gave them significant chores. While many are still close with their siblings, which is lovely, almost all are partly bonded through having had no choice but to support each other through childhoods somewhat interrupted by far more responsibility than most children, and getting much less attention and support (especially during teenage years) than they needed from their parents.

I am not saying the above to be cruel. I just think you need to think very carefully about what you put on your kids. That is why I suggested you need to buy in as much help as possible. If nothing else, paying for cleaners/laundry/general help will free up time that you need to properly parent and support your children.

Frankly, I don’t know how you do it. I only have one and by the time I have helped with homework and chatted about her day etc, let alone cooked and tidied etc, there is no time left in the evening! You must be much more efficient than me to manage 6! Best of luck, OP.

Where was the judgement? I challenged the legitimacy of waiting until 6 children and 10+ years before realising working and children are hard. Most posts of these nature are when the kids are babies. lm fed up of people trying to make a mockery of mothers on MN with disingenuous posts.

Pretty shocked at some of these comments- Not that I have to justify anything. But me and my partner were both adopted as babies and never had a family of our own as such, So we always knew we wanted a big family. We wanted 4 initially but when baby number 4 was another boy I wanted a girl, So we tried twice more however not meant to be and I am destined to be a boy mum. We both work, always have. 2 years ago my partner was in an accident and was off work for 12 months so I had to increase my hours at work as I was the only person bringing in an income. Our children are loved, clever, tidy, clean, happy and fulfilled humans and I can assure you that my skirting boards are not more important, They all have clubs, friends, hobbies, I spend every day being a taxi to and from groups. Please try and be kind to people on the internet, You don't know how it makes that person feel.

Who am I making a mockery of? As said my hours are only what they are now because my husband was out of work due to accident for 12 months. Life is expensive don't know if youve noticed, so Ive questioned for a while if we could afford for me to drop hours. But this persons comment made me really consider it and I think its the only way for me to regain my sanity.

I do completely get what some people are saying although I do think people need to consider how they word things.

I have noticed. That’s why I don’t have 6 kids.

I'm sorry but no, with 6 kids it's hard to be a good parent. You could be good enough providing food, love and shelter but no way you could be emotionally available to all of them. I have 2 and I don't work and at times I feel guilty for not being able to give more 1:1 time with them.

I think that says more about your parenting than mine.

Some of us offered genuine advice @boymum06xo.

I know and its much appreciated. I have tried to reply to the genuine ones.

As another posted has said, you probs need to lower your standards and accept the house is going to be a bit of a tip. Well that would be the only way I'd deal with it

Someone recommended you come to this website for support about how to keep a clean house when you have 6 children?

I can only assume they didn’t know you kept having babies for the sake of being desperate for a girl?

If they did know that, and suspected you would mention it in your thread, then cut them from your life!!!

That person is not your friend 🤣🤣🤣

Having spent quite a bit of time on this website I know what you are referring to!

Im surprised the usual crowd haven’t been in already.

OP you weren’t even aiming for 6 kids.

Between the two of you you don’t have enough hours in the day to give kids much 1:1 attention. They only have their dad one day a week which for 6 boys is far from ideal.

And your work ethic is admirable, and I’ve no doubt you feel run ragged by activities and fair play to you.

But you have put yourself under a huge amount of pressure - life happens as you have mentioned people have accidents, costs go up.

And people are only speaking about their own life experience of being part of a large family of the pressure they feel as parents.

And no you can’t give a kid back, but I do think need to confront the reality of your situation without being defensive or making it about your feelings.

It doesn’t matter how clean your skirting boards are. What I would be doing is getting a babysitter or a gate partner or whatever to ensure that each of the 6 get time with you & DH. Like taking the older two out together etc

I will defend my parenting, This poster said I was a bad mum.

What crowd is this? I don't understand the hate. If i was a mum living on benefits and just kept having kids, would I get this much hate? because me and my partner both work we are getting slaughtered. I dont understand

(I was referring to you admitting that you kept on having babies not because you wanted more children but because you specifically wanted a daughter after all your boys. That’s something you should never admit to on Mumsnet.)

No she didn’t. She said it’s hard to be a good parent & you said you are a better parent than her.

Why is that? I think its perfectly acceptable to say you would like a girl after having 4 boys.

If thats how you interpreted it then that's fine. I interpreted as she was saying i was a bad mum. Its not hard to be a good mum to 6 kids, its hard to keep a clean house with 6 kids. very different

Honestly, I would just stay away from this topic and go back to worrying about your skirting boards, your walls and your sofa.

So I do Op I wanted a girl myself so I totally get it. But I’d wager 95% plus people would give up a 4. Because those 4 kids is a lot for two parents already.

But I didnt stop at 4 and I now have 6 children who I love and wouldnt change. all I wanted was some advice and help. Thats all and im just being attacked left right and centre so forgive me if my back is up.

Oh the irony….