How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

It sounds completely impossible. You need to outsource… lots.

Really. I grew up in a rental and we rented for years. Until my parents let us use their own home as security in place of a deposit to get into our own home.

I don't know why it means so much to you to run down bigger families, but you just have as many kids as you feel competent to handle and others will do the same.😁

For me 4 is just my normal. I cart round 6 kids quite easily when it’s the god children too. Feeding them is the same. Most things are the same. The thing that isn’t is the 1:1 time and most of the bigger families have a system for this. Most with bigger families are very intentional their time.

tbh my 4 are a lot easier than others peoples 1 or 2 that have no self sufficiency, responsibility or manners at all. And I know some really shitty parents of 1 treat their kids like an inconvenience, and the kid knows it.

If I got divorced then I would not be single parenting, there’s another parent who is very devoted and that will never change. Unsurprising I was pretty shocked and upset by your tactless suggestion about my dh death hth

also I’m definitely not “incredibly wealthy” we do have good jobs, we work a lot, we save, we are careful and we make intentional choices about how we spend money. I’m very grateful for what we have family wise and money wise. What I have repeatedly said to you is that I could easily raise my children on a lot less, but I can afford to spend and so I do. That’s that, you just won’t accept it.

I think a lot of people actually don't enjoy parenting. They can't imagine having the motivation to invest the time needed for more kids than average.

@namechangedforthis67 Quote me where I said about the death of your DH 😄 🤣 😂 😆

Yes I think so too. The kids do know and it’s so sad. We sort of accidentally collect other people’s bored singletons on holidays and at parties, that sort of thing. Honestly I have it that the parents are actually there in the room but the kid will come to me to help with something. Drives me round the bend.

Yes, I've had that too where other people's kids and teens sense who has the emotionally availability and time for them and come to me instead of their own parent.

I don't think being a singleton necessarily needs to be a lonely experience and can be fine for some families. It just wasn't the right choice for me. I don't think my own mother would have had the capacity to meet the needs of one child well, so it's personality and awareness of the parent that counts. Not so much the size of the family.

You are completely right.

You are aware some people don't choose to only have one child? Or that some people can't have any at all?

You realise some of us with larger families have had friends and close family go through painful infertility journeys and sometimes been their close personal support with it? I've even been asked to consider being a surrogate once. I think we do know the fertility we are blessed with doesn't rub off on other people. It also doesn't affect our parenting abilities or personal choices. I've also seen people who didn't have a child accept it in time and go on to live amazing lives full of other good things without trying to police the lives of parents.

They choose how they parent that child, that is what makes the difference to their happiness and wellbeing not the lack of siblings

Absolutely 100% this.

@namechangedforthis67 Exactly. Did you find the quote? 😀

@TeaAndMadeiraCake I do appreciate it wasn't you that referred to them as "bored singletons," but you did appear to agree with the poster who did?

Just for the record, I don't agree with that and the other poster didn't think that either. It's about parent engagement and interest, and that applies whether there's one child or ten. Some parents are just more capable than others but that's not a family size issue.

You are determined to be antagonistic. Go get some sleep dear you might be in a better mood in the morning

I can quote. See above. But interesting you haven't. Dear.

Here we go!

Yes, I noticed the same.

If infertility is your journey Cheeseandolivesplease then I'm very sorry you are facing that painful struggle. I'm not going to apologise that that issue isn't the struggle I've been handed in life. That's just the luck of the draw. I have my own struggles, that just wasn't one of them. I know I am fortunate in that aspect.

No it’s true children can be bored in any family size, it just seems to be those are the children that seek me out at those sorts of events. I suppose if there’s a sibling they cover up for the lack of parenting by doing the helping instead.

@TeaAndMadeiraCake So you think it is reasonable to refer to them as "bored singletons?" I have three children but I still find that offensive.

I do know what you mean about children seeking you out. I've often had other people's children seek me out and had many a teen at my table talking to me because they knew I would listen and be there for them when their parents wouldn't. Again, that's not a family size issue though.

Well this is the thing. I think the prevailing narrative is that parents of 4/6 children could not possibly have time to sit with even their own children in this way and yet that is obviously not an issue

I know someone who had six kids and the older ones had to look after the younger ones. They were resentful and some had mental health problems because the parents didn’t give them individually enough attention.

They never complained about the skirting boards not being clean so now you’ve had so many focus on them because anything else is just selfish.

So a parenting fail in one family means that obviously all big families are the same?

I have a younger sibling by less than 3 years apart. I was given way too much responsibility for them when I was a child myself. In a family of two children. It's not family size that's the issue.