How do parents balance work, six children and keeping on top?

[boymum06xo]

Hello,

I am all brand new around here, a friend of mine recommended I posted and wrote down my thoughts/feelings hoping it will relieve some of the pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

I am a mum of six beautiful, amazing and clever boys aged 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 & 2 years old, I have a wonderful partner who is incredibly helpful, loving, supportive and a wonderful father, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.
I work 4 days a week and my partner works 6 days a week, he works long hours so is only really at home in the evenings and his 1 day off a week.

How do people, keep a clean/tidy house, work, raise children, maintain some sort of a social life, keep on top of endless washing, and look slightly less homeless than the day before, I cant remember the last time I had my nails or anything like that done, plus cooking, food shopping, kids after school clubs, i see people so well put together, nice hair etc and they seem to be so effortless, I feel like I'm drowning.

I absolutely love my life and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed that I have what I do, but it just feels like something has to give- sounds silly but things in the house that I don't get chance to clean, like skirting boards, walls, under the sofa, it really gets to me.

Does anyone have any tips? schedules? advice? wine to give!!!???
And if I could have a clean house, food shop done, cleaned car, clean self all in one day that would be amazing!!

Thanks for reading.
xx

I have two kids and they have been responsible for their own laundry in the school holidays from age 11 and all year round a bit older. They have a shared laundry basket (separate from ours). Getting your older kids to do something other than just keep their rooms tidy would be a good place to start.

You have taken too much on. Get a cleaner.

6 kids? Sure OP. Not a serious thread.

By that I mean - who on earth would expect to have 6 kids, work and keep on top of everything, unless you were wealthy enough to afford lots of help, in which case you wouldn’t need to ask Mumsnet.

Too many children. Your wants are unrealistic I’m afraid.

As pp have said, too many children i think.

Outsource as much as you can, pray for the best

It depends on priorities.

I can think of a couple of well turned out influencers, who parent in a way that I absolutely wouldn’t - spending money on beauty products and makeup while under feeding their children and making content about it.

Managing a big family is also a bit easier if you are comfortable with questionable “discipline” methods, like spanking and blanket training.

If you’re not bothered about parentification and exploitation, you can put the eldest ones to work babysitting and cleaning.

My point is something always has to give, somewhere. Some of us have less dc, or don’t work, or can outsource the work, or let our personal care go, or lower our household standards. No one is doing it all.

The too many kids comments are silly. It's not like you can put some back.

When I had that many kids at home, I didn't work more than 2.5 days a week, during school hours. I also didn't have to pay childcare as my workplace had a childcare attached. The one day of childcare I needed for my child was given free as part of my contract in that centre. The other 1.5 they were in a funded preschool.

I managed to keep up at home but you do have to accept that, with six kids, your home is never going to be very tidy. If you let your kids play and be kids, there will be mess. That's not a bad thing. Does it matter if the washing isn't all folded? It can wait. As long as the important things are done and, most importantly, the needs of the children are met by you and time spent with them, the rest will still be there tomorrow.

If you reduced your hours, would it be easier for you to keep on top? Sometimes you can save money being at home. In my experience, easier and more costly options are sometimes the go to when working to manage.

I have 4 kids including one with special needs 1 step son annd a multitude of pets from dogs cats geese etc and we both work full time albeit me mostly from home and I have accepted this won’t happen for a while . Most of our social life is with our married best friends who have 4 kids themselves so dinners and bbqs . House is never completely clean for more than a few minutes and cooking cleaning etc is always behind . But it the organised chaos we come to love , other way we wouldn’t have this many kids . I choose to cherish it when I have 5 minutes and remeber most of I’ll be leaving home ( my oldest is I’ll probably never be independent) .

6 children, sod that! I manage because we have one.

And how nasty are some mums here ? Wow where does op say she lives in mess ? Lots of people here can’t keep a house clean with 2 kids and nobody would tell them not to have kids ! Women the attack on someone simply because she has a large family is vile !

I have one but wanted 6. I’m a lone parent to a 14 year old DD and couldn’t carry any further pregnancies to term. But that big family life is what I always wanted. All the Mum admin, house full of happy kids. That was the dream. I can’t work so it would have been ideal being at home every day. I am however a master of life admin, money carefully sorted down to the penny every day etc. Organisation is my best attribute. There will always be people on either side of this, just try to get the best advice you can from your post. Best of luck to you OP

Genuine question...what is a reason for anybody ever wanting six kids? The idea would fill me with dread on every level!

Because each child is so amazing and wonderful and it felt right. (Editing to responsibly add: We could afford them).

At many points in her fist post the OP indicates that it is a struggle to get her house clean.
And yes, because many of us with far fewer kids struggle, this is why we are wondering why OP would choose to have 6 kids if she also needs to work and wants a clean house.

My house was always clean but not always tidy. As long as it was under control, clean matters. Tidy less so.

@TeaAndMadeiraCake But how do you find enough time for each of them? Enough money for uni fees etc?

Time wasn't hard. One reason I kept any work to school hours. They all had their activities, we spent a lot of time together, we did things with them individually - because they are all individuals and need to be nurtured as such. I never struggled with that part. I suppose you could say that tidiness could sometimes suffer because time with them was more important.

Uni fees - they didn't all go to uni but we have helped them as appropriate and as able. None of them had a loan outstanding for long.

Who TF cleans skirting boards and walls. I certainly dont and I live on my own with cats.

Really.

I live on my own too but with an adult son back home. He is great with cooking and organising stuff.

Cleaning skirting boards? Life is too short for that kind of mundane stuff.

I'd rather read a good book or watch a great series on telly/NF. Or take a walk to my local caf to have a chat with the locals.

You need a cleaner, just to take the pressure off.

You also need to rope the kids in to keep their rooms tidy, to do the wash up, to do chores like putting their own laundry away neatly, cleaning the loo(s), getting their own sport kit ready.

Order your groceries, make meal plans, and get the family used to eating leftovers. You shouldn't be cooking every night. Twice a week would be fine. You could try batch cooking too. Your family of boys will soon be eating their weight in food every few days and scouring the kitchen for more food every night well after the disheasher is humming. You have to get this sorted. Plan to keep lots of filling snacks on hand (cheese, hardboiled eggs, nuts).

I had five DCs, and keeping myself looking presentable was not really a possibility. I cut my own hair, wore sensible footwear and a 'mum uniform' of very practical clothes, never got my nails done, etc. I always slapped on some mascara and tinted lip balm, and always wore perfume.

I was able to carpool for kids' activities, saving myself many hours on the road every week. If you can do this, I highly recommend it.

Looking back, a cleaner would definitely have been a godsend.

@boymum06xo

You make no mention of items like a dryer or a roomba.

If you don't have them, make it a priority to get them.

I never ironed, and I could keep on top of laundry by doing one load a day (never bothered separating colours, whites, darks, etc). If an item of clothing couldn't be tumble dried, I didn't buy it. I folded laundry straight out of the dryer while watching TV in the evenings, and the DCs helped. Each pile was put away by the child who owned it as they went to bed (all were in bed between 8:45 and 9 pm; so no long drawn out all night-long bedtime sequence). A dryer makes laundry efficiency possible.

I agree. Most importantly, how do you give the children the nurturing, love and attention they need growing up?

It's really not hard. My kids get way more time with me than the kids of someone who has them in before and after school care. You have to make the time to be with them and focus on them. Make them the priority.

A slow cooker can be a great help too.

In your situation my priority would be trying to enable my DH to work fewer hours. Nothing else matters - working 6 days a week is awful. He is headed for burnout.