"Mummy pushed me down the stairs".. and other gems from DD

[SouthernComforts]

DD has a very active imagination.

She spent a few days telling anyone who would listen that I'd pushed her down the stairs!

She told me in detail about going to the park with nursery, having a BBQ, even what she ate from the BBQ. When I asked the nursery staff they'd stayed in all day. It was January, and snowing.

I picked her up another day and in front off the staff she said "mummy pleaaaase let me have some dinner today, I'll be good!"

Anyone else managed to raise a compulsive liar?

N.b I don't push her down stairs and I do feed her

DP's daughter told her friend's mum that he kept her in 'the dark place' when no-one was around. He never found out how or why!

My son, aged about 6, suddenly crumpled down in the middle of Dixons and shouted 'don't hit me round the head again mummy!'

He'd never had a smack, on his head or otherwise!

I never did find out why he did it

"mum hit me in the head with a saucepan"
I had asked dd to move as I was about to fill it. boink! She milked that for a long time. How many times I had to explain she got in the way and it was an accident!

My Dd aged 2 used to watch her older brothers tell dh about their day at school and felt that she needed a story to tell... I pushed her off the stool and all sorts apparently:)

My dd (2.5 at the time) used to say "don't hit me mummy," when we were out and about.

N.b. I haven't, and never will, hit her.

Ha ha

Today we've had 'noooo bums are private' wailed at top volume from ds 2.9 yrs (during nappy change)

Reading these I dread to think what the future holds because my two year old had a tantrum in town yesterday and screamed 'not my mummy' repeatedly. I'm 40 weeks pregnant so rather than picking her up normally i somehow picked her up like a roll of carpet so basically added a sense of accuracy to what she was yelling much to the horror of everyone watching.

We've also had 'sorry, mummy, sorry, sorry, sorry' accompanied by a fearful look for no reason when she first learnt the concept of apologising.

'the dark place' brilliant.

Where do they get it all from?

I think I read it on here, about a little lad having a tantrum in the toy aisle, then when the mother got fed up she picked him up and carried him away with the child shouting "stranger! Stranger!"

My seven year old in sainsburys, totally deadpan, said to the checkout lady "mum if I carry the shopping will you stop burning me with cigarettes!" Luckily I'm well known in there but he was killing himself in the car park while I was trying to tell him off.

I don't get accused of child abuse by DD (4), thank god, but she does seem to think she's lived a previous life. Tells anyone who'll listen how she used to visit China to see her friend Wei when she was 10 ( think she got that from the lingo show) and how they flew on a plane together around the world. We just nod and smile.

Two spring to mind, first one at my sister's, in front of the whole family after a special Sunday meal my 6 year old son said I liked that meat, mum never gives us meat or those green things, (he meant veg) 16 years later I still get comments from my family about me not feeding my children ......I grit my teeth every time....

2nd one.... put two bottles of wine in my trolley at the supermarket, my daughter, about 6 or 7 starts crying and wailing, "Don't get drunk tonight please mummy, not again" ????? I was mortified....many judging looks from people, I slithered out that shop ..I didn't drink round my children and have no idea where that came from !!

Dd spends all week asking "am I going to daddys tonight? Is it Friday yet? Is it weekend yet?" Etc etc. Then I picked her up from nursery one Friday and the nursery manager said "have a nice weekend dd" and she replied fearfully "mummy, don't make me go to that mans house again"

Honestly I could die on the spot sometimes. And why is it always at bloody nursery?!

When my DS was about 2, he was having a nap when my sister arrived for a visit. When he woke up, his first question was 'Where have all the men gone, Mummy?'.

Luckily, my sister believed me when I assured here that I didn't in fact have hordes of men visiting on a regular basis!

*her, not here!

My cousins little girl shouts "help me, this is not my mummy" to strangers in town when her DM refuses to get her something in the shop.

Awful but bloody hilarious

Oh these are so funny!!! My dd is only 4 months, and now I'm dreading her learning to talk!!

These are brilliant

I've also raised a snitch. She's constantly telling tales on me, daddy, nanny.. Ethan from nursery, the lady in the shop etc.

The best one was when she ran into the kitchen wailing "Keira pushed me overrrrr!" - Keira was 2 weeks old and asleep in her carseat.

Around the age of 3, for some reason we had a lot of this.

"Mummy only feeds me worms and caterpillars." Accompanied by a [sadface], to preschool worker.

"Mummy tripped me up. ON PURPOSE." The explanation given to my DM for a scraped knee, which she got at preschool. I wasn't even there!

"We didn't do anything for my birthday." Good to know the party was appreciated, then.

DS, loudly, on a busy train: "I didn't like it when you hit me Mummy". I was and assured him I'd never hit hit him. Then I asked him when I thought I'd hit him, and he said, actually rolling his eyes, "The last time Mummy"

I have never hit him! Nor would I. So embarrassing!

He and another boy had sometimes been hitting each other at nursery, and the staff had spoken about it with them. I suspect it might have been something to do with that.

DD2 has asked whilst we are at a checkout, to be fed please Mum.
I have had: Why can't we be like other families, they get to eat and watch television before they have to scrub the floors. (I have never had floors that need scrubbing).
Dd2 is now 17 and thinks it's funny to talk loudly at the checkout about contraception failures!

Oh yes, the "I didn't get anything for my birthday/Christmas" line.

I'm a nanny and the 3 year old is constantly doing stuff like this! The parents will come home and she'll say confused hurt me.
Erm no I believe you had an accident that's why your hurt.
Scary that one day the parents might believe her!

DD once screamed when her dad was marching her back to the car she had been naughty in a shop HELP ME I WANT MY MUMMY HELP ME i was so lucky i was a few steps behind

God only knows what she says about me, she's forever telling (obviously untrue) tales about her kindergarten.

Like the time I wished her teacher a belated happy birthday because dd1 had told me that she had had a birthday and the other teachers had bought her some flowersand she had cried.

Or yesterday when she told me that she hadn't been allowed to eat anything at the party they had but all the others had. Except she told daddy that she's eaten two apples, a cake, some biscuits and a black thing (no idea)

Mine told me he hurt his thumb on 'a big carving knife' this morning and that his step dad tried to punch him when I was standing in the same room at the time.

Christ knows what he says at school.