"Mummy pushed me down the stairs".. and other gems from DD

[SouthernComforts]

DD has a very active imagination.

She spent a few days telling anyone who would listen that I'd pushed her down the stairs!

She told me in detail about going to the park with nursery, having a BBQ, even what she ate from the BBQ. When I asked the nursery staff they'd stayed in all day. It was January, and snowing.

I picked her up another day and in front off the staff she said "mummy pleaaaase let me have some dinner today, I'll be good!"

Anyone else managed to raise a compulsive liar?

N.b I don't push her down stairs and I do feed her

[steppemum]

After dd was born, and ds had asked all about differences between boys and girls, he walked around for a few weeks asking everyone he met

'have YOU got a willy?''

[Bogeyface]

DS was about....3 and at nursery. This was when it was just me and him, and we had had the coversation about the difference between boys and girls as he wanted to know where my willy was.

Fast forward to nursery the next day and had taken a toy with him "ooh, BFJr, what have you got there?" "I said "Tell them what you've got!"

"I have got a penis you've all got Jynas!"

[steppemum]

these are hysterical.

Sadly I know an 11 year old who told her school that her stepmum beat her with a hairbrush. Stepmum (who was actually not gifted in the motherly stakes), has never touched her, but school called ss and they were on the at risk register for several years.

[systemsaddict]

Ah yes we had a great Mother's Day picture back from my daughter. I work full-time, so my partner always does school pick-up, walking home with them in all weathers, which he makes a big thing of - extreme weather heroism.

The picture was a lovely one of me, labelled "My mummy always comes and picks us up from school when it is raining, because my daddy doesn't like the rain." Making me look good, him look feeble, and completely untrue to boot!

I have it up in the kitchen.

[afromom]

My DS used to come out with some awful ones at nursery (he's 9 now and has got past this stage luckily!)

Once he announced at snack time "I had a shower with my Dad and he let me touch his willy-it's really big!" The staff were all smirking when I collected him that day!

My DB went to collect DS from nursery once for me as a treat. DS adores him, but on arriving started shouting "don't make me go with him, I don't know him! He's a bad man!" My poor DB was only20 at the time and was mortified! It was meant to be a treat for DS! The nursery staff had to call me in the end to check it was ok to let him take him. When they got into the car DS started laughing and said toDB "that was funny wasn't it!" Needless to say DB has not offered again!

One bonfire night I turned to give DS a sparkler and he was right behind me. I accidentally touched his nose with the sparkler and it burned. I felt awful and was really upset-but he milked it for weeks, saying "mummy was upset and burnt my face!"

DS has a couple of friends who when they were in yr3 at school managed to convince their friends they were cousins (they did look similar). I unfortunately believed them and told a load of other parents over the next few years! One of them "confessed" earlier this year and thought it was hilarious! One of the same boys also convinced several friends that he doesn't have a dad as he was sent to prison and died because they didn't feed him! He does have a dad but doesn't see him often.

[drivenfromdistraction]

When DS1 was 3, his nursery class all had to draw a picture of their Mummy for Mother's Day, and they got displayed in the hall. The pictures were all very wonky and sweet. Apart from DS1's, which showed a wild stick-harridan with a fearsome shouty expression, brandishing what is clearly an axe dripping with blood.

I framed it and 3 years later, it's still hanging on the wall

[LinghamStyle]

A colleague once told me that when his DS was in Y1 he went into school and told his teachers that his mummy had been run over. The teachers were all very worried and apparently wondering/discussing what to do about this. Eventually one teacher asked the DS "What happened? What did your mummy get run over by?"

DS replied "A giraffe!"

[LinghamStyle]

My DD (aged 3 at the time) asked her Papa if she could go with him when he was leaving after visiting. Papa said no, not this time as he was going to the pub. DD then said "It's ok, you can leave me and DD3 outside the pub in the buggy. That's what Mummy does when she goes to the pub".

I do not do this!

[Floggingmolly]

When ds2 was told off for writing on walls (in the house), we had a spate of graffiti signed off with "Lucy writted this" (Lucy not her real name being his 12 year old sister)...

[DolomitesDonkey]

My 3 year old told his speech therapist that he had to sleep in the car. On two separate occasions. Nervous laughter all round.

[LouSend]

I have had dd1's teachers actually take me aside and question me because of some things dd has told them. All untrue.

She has also told me things about school or the teachers which I have mentioned to them only to receive a blank face and a head tilt.

I think the school probably have a file on me

[rabbitlady]

i want cockporn!

oh, so do i, so do I.

[FolkGirl]

When my daughter was a toddler she would ask strange men if they were her daddy...

In the park, in restaurants, in the supermarket...

"Are you my daddy?... Are you my daddy?"

"No darling, you know your daddy is at work...!" (I will admit to Loud Parenting that one)

[deXavia]

I've told this before but it was classic- going through passport control with DD age 4, so she still had a photo of a weeks old baby in her passport.
Immigration man - hello Mary
DD - my name is Julie
Immigration - really it says on your passport Mary
DD - quivering her bottom lip - but my name is Julie...

Luckily she is the absolute spit of me but I still get nervous every time we head to an airport

[Deb2202]

Ds1 at about 2.5 years old "daddy put me away, he put me away in the freezer"

We do not have a freezer big enough to put a child in

[jojane]

When dd was younger we went to the cinema and she kept saying very loudly, I want cockporn!
Ds1 also swore blind to dh I hadn't fed them all day

[Bogeyface]

DD (now16) was then 5 and was being a pita at dinner time. She was on her bean bag and had been asked several times to come to the table, but she didnt move. Finally (then) DH tugged the bean bag and said "come on you!" in a nice way, just as she was getting off it and she tumbled. Nothing major in the fall but she fractured her collar bone as she landed because she didnt catch herself and DH wasnt quick enough. The hospital said it would heal, all was fine. He still feels bad to this day.

Except she told anyone with ears that "Daddy was cross with me so he broke my neck" :o

[yolothankgod]

Oh I also have a 'bump' note on my fridge from when Ds came home from nursery with a huge bump on his head - he was asked how it happened & told the Teacher that ' the snake did it' so that was wrote on the bump note

[yolothankgod]

My Dsis is abroad at the moment with my 3 yo niece visiting family , they passed a Starbucks while out & Dn was throwing a wobbly because she wasn't allowed to get a hot chocolate so my sister went to pick her up & Dn ran to the nearest Adult shouting help she has pinched me I want my mummy all in Turkish while Dsis was shouting her in English this poor bloke was only young & didn't have a clue what to do Dsis had to show him a picture on her phone to prove she wasn't stealing her

Ds is 5 & often brings up the time I abandoned him for days at the hospital when he were younger
I only nipped home for a shower and a few bits for him as he had to stay a few days , haven't a clue how he knows as he slept the whole time and it was 3 years ago

[Brittapieandchips]

My 4yo DD2 has a tantrum on the school run fairly regulary, I think it is just at a low point in the day for her.

Anyway, a few times now she has stood int he street, which is full of families going home from school, shouting "I want my Mummy!" and refusing to be picked up by me or acknowledge me as her mum in any way.

Luckily I haven't been accused of kidnapping her. Yet.

[Stuporwoman]

This thread is great! Kids are hilarious.


Was in a very busy shopping centre toilet with my newly potty trained DS. In the cubicle, when he was finished I decided to use the loo as well. Upon doing so discovered my period had arrived. Unfortunately so did he and he began screeching repeatedly "mummy you have poo on your underpants!!!" As loud as he could again and again.

[janmoomoo]

Godson told his teacher that after his mummy puts him to bed he goes to his secret place on the roof, by crawling out of his bedroom window. He sits there looking at the stars apparently. Teacher actually called my friend in to discuss it. He has a uPVC window which is locked and nowhere near any roof!

[MrsCR]

great thread!

ONE time I managed to forget to put my DS (5) tie on in the morning before school - shoved it in my coat pocket to do when we arrived and totally forgot. Apparently when the teacher asked him where it was he told her 'To be honest Miss H, mummy was a bit lazy'

I was mortified!!

[KittyLane1]

Dd has shouted help in shops before but her main trick is acting as if I've abducted her. She is convinced she is a famous tv character and insists her name is "Katie" so when I shout Sarah she says no I'm Katie and my hair used to be brown now its blonde!! I want to be Katie again!

We got a dog last year, a large breed but just a big softie. DDs nursery teacher asked her if she likes her dog, dd replied bo she bites me all the times she does.

She does not!

Whenever I tie the dog up she barks and dd thinks she is being strangled, so of course when we were in the very busy shop dd shouts as loud as she can, don't strangle me outside mummy!!

When asked at nursery how much water she drinks she said I drink lots, mummy only drinks coffee or wine. Well......

She also once approached a man and told him he could kiss me if he liked!

[SarahAndFuck]

DS likes to tell the story of the dead rat on the carpet.

When he was about 3 years old he went through a stage of worrying about mice, not sure why buy he kept saying he had seen one.

I went out and bought traps and poison and all sorts because he was so insistent but there was no mouse.

And then one morning he woke me up, screaming, about the dead mouse in his bedroom.

I went rushing through, saw a small dark shape on the floor, sneaked up on it and realised it was one of the socks he'd taken off and thrown at me during our sock fight the night before when he got ready for bed.

So I picked it up, dropped it in the laundry basket in the bathroom and told him it was a sock.

Except he won't believe me, so for a year and a half he's been telling people about the dead mouse. And it's slowly gotten bigger and turned into a dead rat.

And just when I think he might have actually forgotten about it, he pipes up with "remember when their was a dead rat on my carpet?" at the worst possible moments. He's five now, that rat is only going to get bigger and deader as time goes on.

He also likes to tell people we make him walk everywhere, alone, while we ride in the car and meet him there.