"Mummy pushed me down the stairs".. and other gems from DD

[SouthernComforts]

DD has a very active imagination.

She spent a few days telling anyone who would listen that I'd pushed her down the stairs!

She told me in detail about going to the park with nursery, having a BBQ, even what she ate from the BBQ. When I asked the nursery staff they'd stayed in all day. It was January, and snowing.

I picked her up another day and in front off the staff she said "mummy pleaaaase let me have some dinner today, I'll be good!"

Anyone else managed to raise a compulsive liar?

N.b I don't push her down stairs and I do feed her

Ds once told my nan "mummy punched me in the face". I of course didn't and thank Christ he said it to my nan who obviously knows I wouldn't and he didn't say it at nursery!

Dd told her teacher that I cut my finger and went to hospital. When the teacher enquiried about my finger I was so confused!

My DS tells me that they don't feed him at his (excellent) nursery. Sometimes, instead of nothing, they give him snails and slugs to eat!

Someone I know who teaches Y1 had one of the children come in and tell them that her baby sister had died.

The school rang home to check.

The baby was fine.

DD1 kisses DD2 (3wks old) on the forehead then leaps back, clutches her face dramatically and exclaims "Baby bit my face!"

Sure...she has no teeth, can't hold her head up but she bit your face?

DD1 is 2yo.

My ds1 told the nursery teacher that my sister was having heart surgery. Went into lots of detail and how he was going to visit her tomorrow. The teacher came up to me at home time and wished my sister luck. I had no idea what she was talking about!

The principal at his primary school gave a welcome talk to the parents during their first week. She said "If you don't believe everything they say about school, we promise not to believe everything they say about home" and i thought it was perfect!

A few weeks ago I went to a baby shower at the local pub. Theres a short cut down an alley and I'd asked DP to pop DD into the pushchair and just stand at the bottom of the alley(just up the road) so I wasnt completely alone walking down a dark alley. (9pm) Or talking the 45 minute long way round.

Two days later DD tells them at nursery that she went in the pushchair in her pjs to get mummy from the pub. Technically true but of all the things we'd done that weekend, including the zoo and family visits, she picked that little gem!

DS2 has told the following things to his teacher and healthcare professionals:

1. I had a sister but she was eaten by a pig.

He has no sister and never had one. I had to explain that to his Reception teacher who had totally believed him.

1. My brother had a broken arm and Mummy and Daddy took me to Australia and left him at home on his own over Christmas holidays.

We have never been to Australia and his brother has never broken his arm.

1. I was bitten by a squirrel on the ankle.

He has never been bitten by anything.

1. I have a broken toe and my Mummy and Daddy made me come to school today.

The school nurse called me about this last one after he had informed her and then limped down the corridor very convincingly. The nurse rang me and sought an explanation with that concerned voice which is only seconds away from informing the Head and calling in social services.

All and I repeat ALL are utterly and bizarrely untrue facts told with great sincerity to people in position of power and authority by a 5 year old.

Recent crackers from my two -

DS1 (7) - 'Mum, do you remember when you kicked me down the stairs'? What actually happened was I was carrying newborn DS2, slipped (I was behind DS1) and we all slid down the last 2 stairs. It was awful but I most definitely did not kick him down AND he was 2 at the time so I have no idea how he remembers it.

DS2 (5) - we were at the doctors surgery ni the waiting room and he shouts fairly loudly 'Last time I was at the doctors they made me take all my clothes off'. Everyone laughed but I was mortified, it was almost true but not the way he said it.

My friends DD did this at about 3YO but they were awful lies such as her twin sister died, her dad had left etc, not an ounce of truth in them - really scary.

They have also told a few naughty lies such as a strip of wallpaper hanging off the wall that just fell off into DS2s hand and DS1, who was in the trolly seats at the supermarket with newborn DS2, did not make that set of teeth marks on DS2s arm!

I do think its quite amusing when under 5s will deny something till they're blue in the face to convince you they haven't done it though, they absolutely believe you will eventually believe them. DS1 once wrote the first letter of his name all over the wall, there was only me and him home and he was absolutely certain he hadn't done it and had no idea how it had got there.

Compulsive liar here
My parents tried to stop it but couldn't. I didn't know why I did it at all. My DCousin who's 7 is basically a mini me and her little sister is all about truth and justice so they row terribly when little DC calls the big one out on her crap! She won't give in and admit defeat, nor would I. I couldn't bring myself to say I lied and was sorry, I'd just dig deeper holes

I would lie about anything and everything. When I was about 5, I told old ladies at the bus stop that I looked sad because my auntie had kicked me in the head. She hadn't, she'd actually just taken me to soft play
I'd tell kids at school all these amazing stories, I had all my primary school friends believing I lived on a farm but it was at my dad's house so they couldn't ever visit it. Still don't know why I ever came up with that.

I still do it now sometimes about the most stupid things. I have no filter and I'm really believable so people think I'm really interesting. I suppose I am even, if it's all total bullshit lies. DP knows I'm a total jackanory, but I'm honest and trustworthy where it matters at least. I would rather our DC were story tellers like me instead of malicious liars. Maybe my talent for sensationalism is why I'm so good at journalism. I might apply for a job at The Daily Fail, they'll LOVE me there.

DS1 once wrote in his phonics book that he went to the pub to drink jack Daniels and that he was the drunkest.

DS2 told his teacher he was drunk when he woke up the other morning.

Neither DH or i actually drink very much at all but god knows what the teachers think!

DD once told nursery I'd beaten her with a hairbrush because she wouldn't stay still, I had actually tapped her arm with it as she'd walked behind me whilst I was brushing my hair and I hadn't seen her.

They don't grow out of it either, my 14 year old brother, 16 year old sister and I went shopping last week and they spent the whole day calling me mummy and telling people how proud they are of how well I've coped having had them so young (I'm 25) They've been pulling this crap since they were tiny and old ladies in the small town where they live genuinely believe it.

My other half was overseas working for about six weeks. For some reason my DD decided to tell staff at her nursery that he was in jail but that he was going to escape

DS had his teacher and TA convinced that his Dad was a spy!!!

Oh god, I'm not alone with having a compulsive liar then, I have been questioning where I went wrong!

DS is just 3 and is such a convincing liar it's freaky. He has told numerous people that I have hit him and that it's wrong to hit.

He has a completely fabricated set of grandparents that he calls Granny and Grandpa and tells me what they do for a living (granny is getting on a bit now apparently as she has just turned 16), what they wear and what games they play together. It's the details that get me, anyone listening wouldn't question it for a second.

Oh and the oh so convincing limp/ bad arm/ bumped head. I'm thinking of auditioning him for a part in Casualty or Holby.

This will totally out me.

I was a young mum and DS used to ask every male he met/past in the street/on the bus ect if they were his dad. He was around 18-24 months and asked every man he seen every time I don't know why we have lived with his dad since the day he was born

Dd1, aged 3 and going upstairs with me and DH to have her bath, suddenly cowers on the stairs and says in a pitiful voice 'don't hurt me Daddy!' For absolutely no reason.

She then started laughing so hard that she couldn't climb the rest of the stairs .

(For the record, her daddy is a kind and gentle man of infinite patience, who would never do anything to hurt her)

DS1 "Daddy hit me with a brick" to DP's new boss when he kindly asked DS how he had bumped his head...

He is also convinced (and tells everyone) that we live all alone on top of a mountain. We don't.

Oh, and I've had the tantruming 'you're not my mummy! I want my mummeeeeeeeeeeee!' in shops before.

The shame.

The Stranger! Stranger! In the toyshop was from an early episode of Outnumbered. It was Ben in a zoo or museum shop.

Mine also often says " I am I not allowed any lunch" when she has had her lunch early because she was hungry...

Or are we not going to have dinner tonight...when she ate an hour ago...

Have also had the wine one!

Dd went to school age 5 with a black eye and told her teacher I'd hit her with a wine bottle

Unfortunately I couldn't even deny it, because it was true, though in my defence she'd spun round as I whisked a wine bottle out of my trolley and onto the conveyer at Sainsbury's checkout.

When DS1 was little he tripped on the way to nursery and grazed his chin. When we got there I was talking to the teacher and heard the assistant ask him "oh, L, what have you done to your chin?" and he told her I'd rubbed his face on the carpet! Luckily she was a family friend and knew I wouldn't do that!

My dd never said anything like this but ds has said...

• Please don't hit me again mummy (on the busy school run)

• Hi , I'm hungry, mummy wouldn't let me have breakfast (ds has 2 breakfasts every bloody day)

-Hi grandad, have you brought me any food? No one has fed me all day (this is at tea time, he has eaten all meals plus snacks and tea is about ready to serve)

He is adorable