"Mummy pushed me down the stairs".. and other gems from DD

[SouthernComforts]

DD has a very active imagination.

She spent a few days telling anyone who would listen that I'd pushed her down the stairs!

She told me in detail about going to the park with nursery, having a BBQ, even what she ate from the BBQ. When I asked the nursery staff they'd stayed in all day. It was January, and snowing.

I picked her up another day and in front off the staff she said "mummy pleaaaase let me have some dinner today, I'll be good!"

Anyone else managed to raise a compulsive liar?

N.b I don't push her down stairs and I do feed her

[deXavia]

I've told this before but it was classic- going through passport control with DD age 4, so she still had a photo of a weeks old baby in her passport.
Immigration man - hello Mary
DD - my name is Julie
Immigration - really it says on your passport Mary
DD - quivering her bottom lip - but my name is Julie...

Luckily she is the absolute spit of me but I still get nervous every time we head to an airport

[FolkGirl]

When my daughter was a toddler she would ask strange men if they were her daddy...

In the park, in restaurants, in the supermarket...

"Are you my daddy?... Are you my daddy?"

"No darling, you know your daddy is at work...!" (I will admit to Loud Parenting that one)

[rabbitlady]

i want cockporn!

oh, so do i, so do I.

[LouSend]

I have had dd1's teachers actually take me aside and question me because of some things dd has told them. All untrue.

She has also told me things about school or the teachers which I have mentioned to them only to receive a blank face and a head tilt.

I think the school probably have a file on me

[DolomitesDonkey]

My 3 year old told his speech therapist that he had to sleep in the car. On two separate occasions. Nervous laughter all round.

[Floggingmolly]

When ds2 was told off for writing on walls (in the house), we had a spate of graffiti signed off with "Lucy writted this" (Lucy not her real name being his 12 year old sister)...

[LinghamStyle]

My DD (aged 3 at the time) asked her Papa if she could go with him when he was leaving after visiting. Papa said no, not this time as he was going to the pub. DD then said "It's ok, you can leave me and DD3 outside the pub in the buggy. That's what Mummy does when she goes to the pub".

I do not do this!

[LinghamStyle]

A colleague once told me that when his DS was in Y1 he went into school and told his teachers that his mummy had been run over. The teachers were all very worried and apparently wondering/discussing what to do about this. Eventually one teacher asked the DS "What happened? What did your mummy get run over by?"

DS replied "A giraffe!"

[drivenfromdistraction]

When DS1 was 3, his nursery class all had to draw a picture of their Mummy for Mother's Day, and they got displayed in the hall. The pictures were all very wonky and sweet. Apart from DS1's, which showed a wild stick-harridan with a fearsome shouty expression, brandishing what is clearly an axe dripping with blood.

I framed it and 3 years later, it's still hanging on the wall

[afromom]

My DS used to come out with some awful ones at nursery (he's 9 now and has got past this stage luckily!)

Once he announced at snack time "I had a shower with my Dad and he let me touch his willy-it's really big!" The staff were all smirking when I collected him that day!

My DB went to collect DS from nursery once for me as a treat. DS adores him, but on arriving started shouting "don't make me go with him, I don't know him! He's a bad man!" My poor DB was only20 at the time and was mortified! It was meant to be a treat for DS! The nursery staff had to call me in the end to check it was ok to let him take him. When they got into the car DS started laughing and said toDB "that was funny wasn't it!" Needless to say DB has not offered again!

One bonfire night I turned to give DS a sparkler and he was right behind me. I accidentally touched his nose with the sparkler and it burned. I felt awful and was really upset-but he milked it for weeks, saying "mummy was upset and burnt my face!"

DS has a couple of friends who when they were in yr3 at school managed to convince their friends they were cousins (they did look similar). I unfortunately believed them and told a load of other parents over the next few years! One of them "confessed" earlier this year and thought it was hilarious! One of the same boys also convinced several friends that he doesn't have a dad as he was sent to prison and died because they didn't feed him! He does have a dad but doesn't see him often.

[systemsaddict]

Ah yes we had a great Mother's Day picture back from my daughter. I work full-time, so my partner always does school pick-up, walking home with them in all weathers, which he makes a big thing of - extreme weather heroism.

The picture was a lovely one of me, labelled "My mummy always comes and picks us up from school when it is raining, because my daddy doesn't like the rain." Making me look good, him look feeble, and completely untrue to boot!

I have it up in the kitchen.

[steppemum]

these are hysterical.

Sadly I know an 11 year old who told her school that her stepmum beat her with a hairbrush. Stepmum (who was actually not gifted in the motherly stakes), has never touched her, but school called ss and they were on the at risk register for several years.

[Bogeyface]

DS was about....3 and at nursery. This was when it was just me and him, and we had had the coversation about the difference between boys and girls as he wanted to know where my willy was.

Fast forward to nursery the next day and had taken a toy with him "ooh, BFJr, what have you got there?" "I said "Tell them what you've got!"

"I have got a penis you've all got Jynas!"

[steppemum]

After dd was born, and ds had asked all about differences between boys and girls, he walked around for a few weeks asking everyone he met

'have YOU got a willy?''