"Mummy pushed me down the stairs".. and other gems from DD

[SouthernComforts]

DD has a very active imagination.

She spent a few days telling anyone who would listen that I'd pushed her down the stairs!

She told me in detail about going to the park with nursery, having a BBQ, even what she ate from the BBQ. When I asked the nursery staff they'd stayed in all day. It was January, and snowing.

I picked her up another day and in front off the staff she said "mummy pleaaaase let me have some dinner today, I'll be good!"

Anyone else managed to raise a compulsive liar?

N.b I don't push her down stairs and I do feed her

[HellsGranny]

DS1 tells everyone 'mummy shakes me like a doll'

I don't.

[whomovedmychocolate]

My children have blamed the dog for breaking stuff.....we don't have a dog.

When DS was off school sick and spilled a cup of juice on the sofa he blamed his sister (who was at school, a mile away).

Oh and Daddy constantly gets public reminders about the tooth he knocked out of DD's mouth (he did - he dropped her getting her out the bath and feels awful about it).

[Grotbagstwin]

I got called into the office at nursery and told that ds had said while eating lunch 'Daddy beats Mummy all the time' had to explain to them he mean't when we eat our food he beats me to finish his meal.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I had ss at my house, not for anything bad, it was a ref for friends to adopt.
My dd 4 at the time asked me if this was the lady who looked after children and asked her to take her away as mummy has other babies she hides behind the settee.
OMG, I was mortified and thought they would be back to do checks.
No idea where it came from.

[NorbertDentressangle]

Years ago DS came back from nursery and told us how they'd made him eat cat food for lunch.

In year 2 when I went in for parents evening and looked through his 'diary' there were some points where I was convinced it was some other child's book - some great descriptions about places he'd been, a snake he'd handled etc all of which hadn't happened.

He would also do that classic thing, after a busy weekend of going out to fun and educational places and doing lots of interesting things of writing "at the weekend I watched telly"

[systemsaddict]

My daughter, who can be a drama queen, fell over on the way in to nursery and spent the next two hours convincing the worried staff she couldn't weight bear on her leg, so they called me in from work and insisted I take her to the GP or A and E. Apart from her old key worker, who knew her well, and wasn't convinced, but had been overruled. By the time we got to the GP, she had lost track and it was now her arm she couldn't move....

[LyndaCartersBigPants]

DS2 complained to his uncle that I made him eat leaves from the garden in his lunchbox. This was because I dared to put salad in his sandwich!

[RevoltingPeasant]

When we were children we were not allowed fast food, except very occasionally we would go to Burger King.

Once, as we put DSis4 who was about 3 in her high chair she suddenly sobbed, properly sobbed, and gasped "Oh, hot food, hot food at last " like my parents never fed her.

My mum who had her own veg patch and cooked everything from scratch was mortified.....

[deakymom]

daddy did it said to the nurse who was treating his bumped head he actually had a documented accident at the childminders but she looked really about how he just blurted it out especially after i told her a different story i had to give her the childminders number so people could confirm our "story" (which i didn't have as they were provided by the school) it almost became a nightmare to be honest especially when he went back the following week for running into a radiator

[Dinosaursareextinct]

What Frusso says about her 12 year old sister claiming that her mother beat her (and showing to prove it bruises from an accident) is not just normal development - she was out to get her mum, surely?

[lechers]

My seven year old daughter, upon being asked what made her sad said "being whipped on the bottom" .

On further investigation, she meant when other children at school take their coats off their pegs too quickly, and the sleeves of their coats spin round and hit her.

Thank god no one official heard her saying that .

[Lisawordbird]

My DD is a fund of these. Aged about 3 she suddenly shouted 'Cock!' at the checkout in the co-op. The queue froze and you could hear a pin drop, so she shouted "Cock, Mamma, COCK!' Mortified I had to explain rather loudly that she had spotted the clock hanging behind the checkout desk.

There have been various 'blurts' since then, often in checkout queues. The time she said in a wondering tone 'look at that fat, hairy little man, Daddy!' was rather special. (The gent in question turned round and looked daggers.)

In fact her problem is not that she lies. She absolutely doesn't. She is unsparingly honest. I'm not sure if that is better for worse.

[SarahAndFuck]

DS likes to tell the story of the dead rat on the carpet.

When he was about 3 years old he went through a stage of worrying about mice, not sure why buy he kept saying he had seen one.

I went out and bought traps and poison and all sorts because he was so insistent but there was no mouse.

And then one morning he woke me up, screaming, about the dead mouse in his bedroom.

I went rushing through, saw a small dark shape on the floor, sneaked up on it and realised it was one of the socks he'd taken off and thrown at me during our sock fight the night before when he got ready for bed.

So I picked it up, dropped it in the laundry basket in the bathroom and told him it was a sock.

Except he won't believe me, so for a year and a half he's been telling people about the dead mouse. And it's slowly gotten bigger and turned into a dead rat.

And just when I think he might have actually forgotten about it, he pipes up with "remember when their was a dead rat on my carpet?" at the worst possible moments. He's five now, that rat is only going to get bigger and deader as time goes on.

He also likes to tell people we make him walk everywhere, alone, while we ride in the car and meet him there.

[KittyLane1]

Dd has shouted help in shops before but her main trick is acting as if I've abducted her. She is convinced she is a famous tv character and insists her name is "Katie" so when I shout Sarah she says no I'm Katie and my hair used to be brown now its blonde!! I want to be Katie again!

We got a dog last year, a large breed but just a big softie. DDs nursery teacher asked her if she likes her dog, dd replied bo she bites me all the times she does.

She does not!

Whenever I tie the dog up she barks and dd thinks she is being strangled, so of course when we were in the very busy shop dd shouts as loud as she can, don't strangle me outside mummy!!

When asked at nursery how much water she drinks she said I drink lots, mummy only drinks coffee or wine. Well......

She also once approached a man and told him he could kiss me if he liked!

[MrsCR]

great thread!

ONE time I managed to forget to put my DS (5) tie on in the morning before school - shoved it in my coat pocket to do when we arrived and totally forgot. Apparently when the teacher asked him where it was he told her 'To be honest Miss H, mummy was a bit lazy'

I was mortified!!

[janmoomoo]

Godson told his teacher that after his mummy puts him to bed he goes to his secret place on the roof, by crawling out of his bedroom window. He sits there looking at the stars apparently. Teacher actually called my friend in to discuss it. He has a uPVC window which is locked and nowhere near any roof!

[Stuporwoman]

This thread is great! Kids are hilarious.


Was in a very busy shopping centre toilet with my newly potty trained DS. In the cubicle, when he was finished I decided to use the loo as well. Upon doing so discovered my period had arrived. Unfortunately so did he and he began screeching repeatedly "mummy you have poo on your underpants!!!" As loud as he could again and again.

[Brittapieandchips]

My 4yo DD2 has a tantrum on the school run fairly regulary, I think it is just at a low point in the day for her.

Anyway, a few times now she has stood int he street, which is full of families going home from school, shouting "I want my Mummy!" and refusing to be picked up by me or acknowledge me as her mum in any way.

Luckily I haven't been accused of kidnapping her. Yet.

[yolothankgod]

My Dsis is abroad at the moment with my 3 yo niece visiting family , they passed a Starbucks while out & Dn was throwing a wobbly because she wasn't allowed to get a hot chocolate so my sister went to pick her up & Dn ran to the nearest Adult shouting help she has pinched me I want my mummy all in Turkish while Dsis was shouting her in English this poor bloke was only young & didn't have a clue what to do Dsis had to show him a picture on her phone to prove she wasn't stealing her

Ds is 5 & often brings up the time I abandoned him for days at the hospital when he were younger
I only nipped home for a shower and a few bits for him as he had to stay a few days , haven't a clue how he knows as he slept the whole time and it was 3 years ago

[yolothankgod]

Oh I also have a 'bump' note on my fridge from when Ds came home from nursery with a huge bump on his head - he was asked how it happened & told the Teacher that ' the snake did it' so that was wrote on the bump note

[Bogeyface]

DD (now16) was then 5 and was being a pita at dinner time. She was on her bean bag and had been asked several times to come to the table, but she didnt move. Finally (then) DH tugged the bean bag and said "come on you!" in a nice way, just as she was getting off it and she tumbled. Nothing major in the fall but she fractured her collar bone as she landed because she didnt catch herself and DH wasnt quick enough. The hospital said it would heal, all was fine. He still feels bad to this day.

Except she told anyone with ears that "Daddy was cross with me so he broke my neck" :o

[jojane]

When dd was younger we went to the cinema and she kept saying very loudly, I want cockporn!
Ds1 also swore blind to dh I hadn't fed them all day

[Deb2202]

Ds1 at about 2.5 years old "daddy put me away, he put me away in the freezer"

We do not have a freezer big enough to put a child in