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Original poster

I am sitting in with Shiney and her plumber has just texted her to say

536 replies

BitOfFun · 12/12/2009 23:55

...from "Hello, hope you're well, if i don't see you beforehand, hope you have a nice Christmas"

after a brief comment along the lines of "You'll be pleased to know my plumbing is in full working order" (possibly with my evil encouragement...), he has now replied saying

" I want to kiss with tongues. I want to kiss, stroke, lick and suck boobs and nipples. I want to gently stroke the inside of thighs." There is more, but I'm sure you can imagine...

What?!

Any thighs and nipples? Not hers in particular then? I am hoping she will send back "I want to suck penises"...do you dare us?

OP posts:
dizzycringles · 13/12/2009 10:09

gymnastics this morning which is where I normally catch up with my lovely friend however MIL is now apparently coming with so can't be having the usual gossip chat

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/12/2009 10:32

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PacificMistletoeandnoWine · 13/12/2009 10:34

OMG, he took it all seriously, I am feeling quite sorry for him - not! Unrequitted love - soooo tragic

Like the idea of the burly brother who was using the phone and just out of prison keen to meet ...

Go on, go on, go on, you know you want to.

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/12/2009 10:36

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giraffespullthesleigh · 13/12/2009 10:44

You were on a night out lastnight and lost your phone...you have just picked it up from the police station.

OfficiallyMe · 13/12/2009 10:46

oh god MORE of this....

my eyes

SazzlesOnASled · 13/12/2009 10:48

Seriously Shiney, i would never be able to face him again after that

You could threaten to report him to his company for improper use of the company mobile

squashedfrogs · 13/12/2009 11:25

I have nothing witty to add but read the whole thread in one go and it has totally cheered up my morning (and distracted me from the mess I should be clearing up)

MollieO · 13/12/2009 11:42

I assume he will find out today that he wasn't texting his gf (if he thought he was in the first place).

I wonder if he will text to apologise?

What you need is BG homecare cover - their engineers are on the whole pretty ugly and probably not much at texting either!

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/12/2009 11:49

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TinselianAstra · 13/12/2009 11:59

It must be the tone of your texts. You say 'Happy Christmas' or 'Hi, I'm Jane' and they take it to mean 'text me your fantasies'.

Do you think maybe you should check your phone doesn't have some kind of sex virus?

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/12/2009 12:06

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PoppityMerryGentlemen · 13/12/2009 12:55

Yes, you must sound naughty

StableButDeluded · 13/12/2009 13:19

Oh my god, have just read whole thread, this is hilarious! He does sound quite caring,all that cuddling & kissing under the duvet.

Just not the arse-stretching and cum-drinking

He knows where you live. What if he just turns up one day on the off-chance? You have to say it was your big hairy sex-starved boxing champion prison brother, or whoever.

plumpud · 13/12/2009 13:30

have just read the thread..

TheFoosa · 13/12/2009 13:37

hilarious

you may have to move house though

supersalstrawberry · 13/12/2009 13:47

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lowrib · 13/12/2009 14:04

Shiney, I think the teenage babysitter excuse is a good one. If it was me I would say I'd read them all though. I'd act shocked and pissed off - "what exactly did you think you think you were doing texting that kind of filthy smut to a young woman? I am totally shocked" etc? Make it clear you don;t want to be hearing this kind of thing for him, and that your BF certainly won't be pleased if he sees this kind of text on your phone.

While it was really very funny last night (thank you again ) you really don't want this guy bothering you any more.

HTH

supersalstrawberry · 13/12/2009 14:16

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pixiestix · 13/12/2009 14:18

OMFG
I am ready to be sick in my mouth at the arse-stretching.

MollieO · 13/12/2009 14:28

OMG. I read it 'as it happened' and assumed that he must be drunk and not realise he was texting you. Ewww. Definitely not someone I'd have servicing my boiler in future!

I once had problems with a BG engineer who told me his wife didn't understand him. I had a major problem with the boiler so he visited about three times. In the end I reported him. Next thing I know he called to have a go at me. Called his boss again and have never seen him since.

You don't have much luck where men are concerned so I hope 2010 is better! I'm not planning to try dating again until ds is 18

BackUpYourPhotosNow · 13/12/2009 14:35

Afternoon all, Hey shiney, how about texting him that the last time your arse saw that much stretching was before you sex change op.....

deffo like the phone at police station / left at home with a butch babysitter.

The advert for drain rods at the bottom of the page is still there too ..............

HerBeatitude · 13/12/2009 14:58

No time to read this now but anything with Shiny and a plumber is bound to be worth marking a place for...

Bigbadmummy · 13/12/2009 15:16

I would just like to say thank you.

I have the mother of all hangovers today and have been thinking I would feel better if I could be sick.

374 posts later and I have achieved my aim.

But now blocked the loo and I need a plumber.

Oh Christ....

Rindercella · 13/12/2009 16:42

HerBeatitude, having just read the entire thread, I can assure you that you are quite correct thinking that Shiney + plumber is worth reading. Tis pure gold.