Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

[WonderfulSmith]

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

I want a Joyce Grenfell monologue: she used to perform at Snape Maltings

This, in spades. No, wait. What’s better than spades? Bulldozers?

Can we cast Penelope Keith as one of the shoppers who lingered at the candles listening to the drama? She could be out with Helen Mirren, and they could exchange looks.

This could also be the start of a Broadchurch season. Alan is missing. The remains of a side table are evident in the dying embers in a naice fire pit (purchased from Snape Maltings of course). The dog is pining for Alan, but daren’t show Mrs Alan it has chosen a side.

Is this the thread we make fun of someone being abused just because it's a man?
Good to know.

I do like Snape Maltings.

while we’re on the topic of naice places does anyone know if Weetons on the outskirts of Harrogate is worth a trip? Saw a tiktok and it looked nice but there are some scathing tripadvisor reviews.

Who's Alan?

Atlantic star
Alan is the man who wanted to purchase the table at a place called snape maltings.

Snape Maltings is lovely, v swish - they used to do a fabulous Sunday roast. Expensive though, I bet the side table was an arm & a leg!

The side table in question was to the right of the sofa as you look at it.

I clear recall this time seeing a sign that said ‘no paws on floors’ which I took to mean that dogs should be carried.

Have you read the op?

Alan bought a table, Mrs Alan didn’t want the table and made a scene. Alan refused to cancel the order.

So, update of sorts… the staff remember Alan and mrs well. There was a lot of shouting! The side table
itself is apparently not on the shop floor and I don’t know if Alan got the table or not, sorry!!

We live near there. If you're in the area it's nice to walk round especially at Christmas but I don't think I'd make a special trip. It was just before Christmas last year when we went though.

Let’s hope it is at home with Alan!

I hope he's styling it at this moment in time and then will be posting photos on Instagram

I bloody love that @hotchocdrinkerwent on the hunt. Bravo!! The table is obviously in Alan’s shed. With Alan.

Is every marital argument abuse?

I like the green sofa, so good to see something that's not frigate grey, may need a trip down there, not been for ages.

Perhaps in a few years when people wish to verify their credentials it will be like "Sistine chapel, penis beaker, Alan's table"

You can definitely carry dogs round Snape Maltings smart shop. You just can’t put them down. I realised how heavy my 7kg dog was when I went to browse! I had to keep going outside to put her down and then steel myself to go back in to admire stuff.

I like the idea that Alan and Mrs Shouty Alan are kissing and making up atop the not-so-innocent-now side table as we write, with their little dog covering its eyes with its paws for decency's sake.

I'll put you down as #TeamAlan

I reckon he's got a rented storage unit that contains 43 side tables, a camp bed and a small lamp.

He probably spends at least one Saturday night there every month after buying yet another side table.

There used to be a sign saying no dogs, but about a year ago I noticed it had been changed to one saying something like "no paws on floors" and several dogs were being carried.

I always fantasise that if I ever won a lot of money I would go to Snape Maltings and buy one of the amazing sofas plus a shit load of other stuff, including side tables. Obviously if then have to buy a huge house to put it all in.

Is this the thread we make fun of someone being abused just because it's a man?
Good to know.

If you RTFT you'll see people are pretty evenly divided between TeamAlan and TeamAlansWife...