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Original poster

Locked parking thread 4 - The End

999 replies

BlueEyesWhiteDragon · 02/08/2021 19:33

We hope!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/08/2021 20:12

Wouldn’t it be amazing if they fell in love and ran away together?!

He doesn't get any say in it: a prize is a prize! And, let's face it, she's got nothing to lose, has she?!

Penistoe · 02/08/2021 20:12

If he does come say I just need to do x y z, I will be five minutes. Then go and make a cuppa or what not until he knocks again eventually. You can say sorry I’m on you time where 5 mins is a few hours.

Knittinglikemad · 02/08/2021 20:12

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon your threads have kept me sane these last few days while stuck in bed with a chest infection from hell, though my DH is trying to work out what’s making me laugh so much that I am descending into coughing fits every 5mins, just told him maybe he would be better seeing if he can get some oxygen on standby as I snigger away lol 😂

Blossomtoes · 02/08/2021 20:13

Oh God, has he still not turned up? This is getting ridiculous.

Bollindger · 02/08/2021 20:13

Plus side, DB might actually appear in the paper, and get a date from this/

DeathStare · 02/08/2021 20:13

I'd go out now and genuinely take all the keys with you. Come back at bedtime.

Where might a single woman in her 40s find your DB hanging out? Asking for.... err... a friend Grin

Original poster
BlueEyesWhiteDragon · 02/08/2021 20:13

Right I really must go do my rounds and check all is well and locked up.

Then I might just tow it to FamousX house, park it on the drive and let the air out the tyres. I know where HE lives after all.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 02/08/2021 20:14

Another one in the DB fan club here - he sounds brilliant! Grin

dapsnotplimsolls · 02/08/2021 20:15

@Blossomtoes

Oh God, has he still not turned up? This is getting ridiculous.
Of course not, he's too busy playing Kerplunk with Keegan!
Cacacoisfarraige · 02/08/2021 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mineofuselessinformation · 02/08/2021 20:17

Ooh, got carried away with myself there and didn't add:-
@BlueEyesWhiteDragon, do you happen to have a printer and a glue stick?
If you do, print a notice saying 'this car has been parked here without authorisation' in capital letters and glue it on to his rear driver's side window. It won't obstruct his view when he finally comes to get the car, but will be a pain in the arse to get off.

Motorina · 02/08/2021 20:17

I have been following this agog since day one.

I think I'd be inclined to text him, "Was expecting you 19:30. Farm now locked up for the night. Can be available 10am tomorrow for you to collect your car."

And then let your brother deal with him if he pitches up.

I like your brother.

Cacacoisfarraige · 02/08/2021 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tintodeverano2 · 02/08/2021 20:17

@StormTreader

I'm hoping he turns up slightly sloshed and you can round off the saga with a drunk-driving report to the police.
Oh yes! That would be karma.
WutheredOut · 02/08/2021 20:17

Or is it Ludo with Linekar

PyjamaFan · 02/08/2021 20:17

I don't think he'll come tonight either.

But you'll get a message telling you when it's convenient for him. No checking it'sOK for you, no apologising etc...

Wineat5isfine · 02/08/2021 20:18

Anyone else have a feeling that CF might be a footballer as well…🤔

TheSunShinesBrighter · 02/08/2021 20:18

@mineofuselessinformation

Another one in the DB fan club here - he sounds brilliant! Grin
Just tow it onto the road - one of the parking spaces.
yellowsubmarines · 02/08/2021 20:18

Then I might just tow it to FamousX house, park it on the drive and let the air out the tyres. I know where HE lives after all.

This sounds an excellent plan only you need to drop it off at the entrance to the drive so NO ONE gets to leave and everyone gets to see what a total wanker CF is. When they phone the police or tow truck to have it shifted all the drunk people will have a lot to answer for as to why they're all trying to drive home.

Fromage · 02/08/2021 20:18

"My Parking Shame" by FAMOUS FOOTBALLER'S mate down the road.

Please ask your brother to contact the footballer, pretending to be someone from The Sun (a twat like CF is likely a daily heil reader, it will hold no fear, yet the oiks from The Sun will horrify him) and asking if he is aware of the miscreant ways of his close personal friend? How close is their friendship? Has he any comment on his CF pal's wrongdoings? The Sun has texts, ready to publish, could he comment? Does he, too, park like an arsehole? Does he suspect CF was drink driving and this is what led to the parking situation? Has footballer ever been caught drink driving? Our readers want to know! etc.

I mean, the CF has basically handed this one to you. Boasting about his friendship, he's asked for the footballer to be involved.

Also, drip something unmentionable down the inside of the windows, something smelly and not immediately detectable. Like milk.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 02/08/2021 20:18

OOPs wrong link

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/08/2021 20:19

I like your brother.

There's a queue, don't you know?! Grin

Sunbird24 · 02/08/2021 20:19

Maybe he’s playing Subbuteo with Seaman?

Emilyontmoor · 02/08/2021 20:19

He’s not coming tonight, his fragile ego would not let him fit in with you. You might however get a gang of drunk has been footballers with peroxide buzz cuts, Gazza, Mazza, Razza and their sad sycophants turn up to liberate his beast. Then you might unlock the gate and let the police know…..

But that’s fantasy, you are in for more of I’ll pick it up between the gym and the drunken orgy texts until such time you can be there between the gym and the drunken orgy. 🙄

Sunbird24 · 02/08/2021 20:20

@Wineat5isfine

Anyone else have a feeling that CF might be a footballer as well…🤔
Nah, he’d definitely have said so