Center Parcs - I thought it was to be kept within my marriage

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

My family are currently at Center Parcs because we are Scottish, on holiday and we come every year.

Dd ages 15 and add age 13 and I went to the pool at Center Parcs at the busiest time of the week and we are somewhat regretting this choice. It was like people soup, and I have seen every body shape imaginable today ( and honestly no-one cares I know, I cart this awful body around). Anyway, the rapids are our favourite, however it’s possible to get stuck at various points ( we give them names - The pool of unbearable sadness, Dumpy Mermaid gulch, the eddy of despair etc) and at those points it’s possible to get split up from your own friends and family and end up engulfed in the arms and legs of other parties....suffice to say, what happens at Center Parcs stays at Center Parcs, and I suspect some lovely young mid twenties boys who go to the gym may have been turned off women for life.....

I knew that a certain amount of specific intimacy is expected at Center Parcs, however I thought it was supposed to be with my husband and not some student boys from Stafford in the rapids....

We were at Sherwood last week. Those rapids are savage!

DP crashed into a group of women in burkhinis last time we were at Woburn. He felt awful! We set off at the same time but I’m fatter he got swept on faster than me.

My 2 eldest girls and I have just made an amazing theory about compulsory Center Parcs for Scottish people coming from William Wallace being taken to London to be hung drawn and quartered. We figured Center Parcs are the Scottish Equivalent of those Eleanor Crosses - it’s where William Wallace stopped to do pottery painting on the way to his death

Most recent time on the rapids (Woburn)...

I had trouble hauling myself over the initial hump before the thing had even begun.
For some reason, instead of diving over forwards on my front, I thought it might be more dignified to turn around and sort of lift my bum over first, going backwards.
Ended up kicking some random bloke in the balls, whilst trying to avoid kicking either of his two small daughters.

Not my finest moment.

Is this actually enjoyable?

@Pandaintheporridge - it’s that brilliant British mixture of hysterical and cringeworthy.... plus it’s fairly anonymous, it’s not like it’s people you work with

@Sagradafamiliar - hysterical overhead conversation yesterday.

Lovely young couple, probably deeply in love, heading the the spa...

LovelyGuy “I don’t know why you are worried about that goose” - making goose noises

LovelyGirl “I just don’t like it...”

LovelyGuy “But you are on a bike....”

LovelyGirl “It could have a bike YOU DON’T KNOW THAT”

I always remind the kids that on the rapids you let the fat people go first.
We also remind DS1 as he’s enormous (not fat, but not skinny and a 13yo monster) - that he goes first.
We also play - find the most tattooed person/worst tattoo (where we live people just don’t have them).
I also love the fact that women can go in burkinis and no-one bats an eyelid. I had a Muslim friend at school who could never swim and looked whilst fully at us in the pool every week.
I love it - we have a week free from iPads etc and everyone has lots of fun.

This thread is really funny. We love the Rapids at Center Parcs but I have managed to grab a strange man's leg under water by mistake more than once!

Great to hear Woburn rapids are brill - that’s where we have booked for next year’s compulsory Scottish trip

@underneaththeash - very impressed to see a guy yesterday with our home town football team tattoo yesterday. Must also be Scottish

God don't let squirrels in your house. V hard to get rid of causecloads of damage, eat wiring,get in the roof nightmare

Never been to centreparcs but went on a rollercoaster at port adventura once and as the ride pulled back into the loading station I noticed my vest top had slipped down and bikini top up...revealing my boobs.

I discreetly adjusted myself and thought I'd managed to get away with it.

Until we exited into the ride photo area.

Mortified.

Centre park v nice for girly weekend. Or any group of friends. Sporty for those who want it, bring own wine and nail varnish for homebodies.

Dd drew a lovely pic of me where my tits fell out of my cossie on the rapids at CPs. With the sideline "Woops". I thought I might die.

This has made me laugh a lot.

Just back from whinfell. Took teenage nephews and baby DD. Took teenage nephews down canyon in the interests of safety. No glasses. One overtook me!! I grabbed him and held on. It wasn't nephew, they had let someone go first to catch their dad. Mortified.

Aunty moobar why were you holding onto that man......

I’ve only learned how to swim in the last 2 years - literally gone from absolutely nothing to swimming 2.5K in April. So it’s only now I’ve ever have the confidence to go down these things. I’ve been coming to CP for 15 years. I could have been groping random guys for years, but I now have an amazing 20 year old swimming teacher who has given me the confidence to grope random guys

That's set me off again....the goose conversation and your new found confidence to grope!
🤣

Note to self.....learn to bluddy swim! There are unseen benefits never before imagined!

Going to CP in a couple of weeks. Can't wait 😂

@Redshoesandtheblues - sent you a PM of my story

Elvedon rapids are the best!

We went pre xmas one year and DS spent the entire time jumping into the ice pool in the pitch black whilst I tried to keep my shoulders under so I didn't hit anyone with my rather cold initiated nipples as we hurtled down the rapids after 🤷‍♀️

OP - for you.....

They are trying to schedule time tomorrow before we leave..!

@Redshoesandtheblues - and at no point does it me the potential to grope random guys