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Original poster

Is Voldemort a virgin?

500 replies

OhShutUpThomas · 21/02/2016 21:07

And any other Harry Potter mysteries!

Can anyone answer mine?
Is Voldemort a virgin?
What happened to Rodolphus Lestrange?
Why do some spells take weeks and hours of homework to learn, yet Harry can imperious people by just saying it?

Anyone else? I've got more, can't think just now. Just finished re-reading!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/02/2016 09:23

Best thread title ever.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 22/02/2016 09:31

Re post #150, I'm officially weirded out now.

Believeitornot · 22/02/2016 09:32

Love this thread Grin

Voldemort was most certainly not a virgin guess I reckon he was a filthy one as he grew up. Sex purely for his own self gratification. Plenty of willing women around

I also don't think Snape was a virgin - he would have pined after lily, yes of course, and I reckon he'd have been with a few others but none would compare to her. I reckon maybe even Narcissa. She didn't seem happy with lucius.

PsammeadPaintedTheLion · 22/02/2016 09:36

Here's a question - were the teachers married? Obviously Snape wasn't, but the rest? Where did they live? How did they get to work? Did they have children?

whyistherumgone · 22/02/2016 09:45

LOVE LOVE LOVE this thread. I have to ask - Snape fanfiction where he hooks up with students? Is this really a THING? link me, link me

For my part, I don't think Voldy was a virgin either - he was the leader of the pack in his gang at Hogwarts so I would imagine him being the first to ditch his V-plates....but like others have said, I would imagine it was more about the power. Older Voldy on the other hand, I think would take it by force - don't think he ever hooked up with Bellatrix, she blindly worshipped him anyway...

I think my mastermind subject would be HP. I'm a 33 year old woman.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 22/02/2016 09:53

McGonagall was married to her former boss at the ministry, Elphinstone Urquart. It only lasted three years though, he was bitten by a venomous tentacula and died a few years before Harry started at Hogwarts.

whyistherumgone · 22/02/2016 09:59

Psammead I like to think there were a few drunken teacher hook ups after Hogwarts' Christmas parties - plenty of references to the staff having one too many eggnogs. Who do you think is most likely? Madame Hooch and Flitwick?

I can't imagine McGonagall getting it on with anyone although she was engaged to a muggle boy but broke it off and ended up having a short but happy marriage to Elphinstone Urquart but kept her own name. (Love Pottermore).

whyistherumgone · 22/02/2016 09:59

X-post Ovaries
I think this thread might be my spiritual home.

comeagainforbigfudge · 22/02/2016 10:04

thomas me me me! I always think that. In fact watching some lord of rings recently i thought the same again

wrt voldy sparing lily's life, i thought that he was going to, but she sacrificed herself to save her son. I'm sure voldy mutters about that calling her stupid or something of that ilk?

timeKeepingOnMars · 22/02/2016 10:28

Voldemort never actually had sex with Bellatrix.

I though she was maybe an ex - or someone strung along possible one night stand thing. Then she married some else possible to show him but still waited for him to see he was the one for her.

Fiderer · 22/02/2016 10:32

Going back to animals (thanks bruffin) why do they take animals anyway? There are school owls for post. They wouldn't be allowed to practise transfiguration on the poor animals Grin

Scabbers is needed for the plot but there's no reason for him to have been in that family for so long. He could been sniffing around Hogwarts and adopted by Ron.

Surely the students have enough to do without taking care of pets. No many seem to have an animal, do they?

Always wondered, this thread is the perfect musing place.

Original poster
OhShutUpThomas · 22/02/2016 10:33

He was probably shagging Nagini for most of books 5-7, if we're honest.

And making Wormtail film it.

OP posts:
ChristmasZombie · 22/02/2016 10:42

I've reported this thread for Classics.

Cerseirys · 22/02/2016 11:01

And WHERE are all Harry's grandparents?? His parents died at 21 and ALL FOUR of their parents had already died too?

Also, if Lily died at 21 then Petunia would've only been a few years older, right? So in the books she'd only be in her thirties, but is always depicted as much older.

CallaLilli · 22/02/2016 11:10

Alan Rickman didn't quite get Snape, he was too good looking and healthy looking, and a massive bully.

He was also too old for Snape, who is the same age as Harry's parents, so only about 32-33 in the first book. Wasn't Tim Roth originally cast as Snape?

OohMavis · 22/02/2016 11:14

The two-way mirror. The two-way mirror. The two-way fucking mirror.

I'll just leave it in my trunk and forget about the easiest and most discreet way of contacting my Godfather, and instead holler about the castle and stick my head into a fire, fail to contact him and lead him to his death when he inevitably comes to rescue me.

Then I'll find it a year later all smashed and think "I wonder if we can chat now he's dead", rather than "what a fucking idiot I am for leaving this in my trunk, why am I trusted with magic?"

iklboo · 22/02/2016 11:16

I don't think Moldyfart was a virgin. He's have had plenty of Riddle fiddling action. I reckon it was after his.......transformation he lost interest or thought it was beneath him.

And surely all the boys would have been doing enlarging spells on their willies / shrinking spells on each others'? Teenage boys are obsessed with their tackle.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 22/02/2016 11:17

Obviously I meant Snape was the bully not Alan Rickman!

About the school day - loads of uni halls have dinner at 5. Yuck

OohMavis · 22/02/2016 11:18

Oh! And Voldy's definitely not a virgin. You don't learn the kind of swagger he has in the Chamber of Secrets without bagging a few hotties Grin

Alfieisnoisy · 22/02/2016 11:19

I am off to the HP studios in May and now I can't wait. Loving this thread.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 22/02/2016 11:24

I don't reckon he shagged anyone as Riddle; he was already on a power kick (Dumbledore discusses him gathering his Death Snacking network when Riddle comes back to try and get the job) at school. He wanted to prove he was above normal human function - and I imagine that includes sex.

Just had a thought... Do you think he goes to the loo like a normal person? Shock

Roaring with laughter at shagging Nagini. Seeing as she contained part of his soul, he was basically shagging himself... Sounds likely Grin

Did the house elves have to clear up sex related things? Condoms and cups used tissues etc?

MrsJorahMormont · 22/02/2016 11:24

Marking place for later I burst out laughing when I saw the thread title in Active :o

VoldysGoneMouldy · 22/02/2016 11:25

In one of the books there's a mention of going to the common room between end of lessons and dinner, so there was probably a break. But then the food also seemed to be out for over an hour or so, so pupils could just filter in when suited.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 22/02/2016 11:26

Also someone should tweet this thread to JKR Grin

00100001 · 22/02/2016 11:36

"Just had a thought... Do you think he goes to the loo like a normal person?"

Such things are beneath him, surely?

Can you imagine the mundane parts of Voldy, shuffling to the loo in his slippers, magicking some breakfast and munching on piece of toast whilst reading the Daily Prophet, snapping his fingers at Wormtail to bring him tea, because he can't function properly without it. I reckon his favourite biscuit is a Biscuit

Grin