Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

[WhoremoaneeGrainger]

We do the 10 minute tidy, me and DD! We put on loud music and she bops her way into sorting her things out. Helps if it can be fun,or if there is a positive goal at the end (usually Mint Aero works well with her). Go you!!!

[YourHandInMyHand]

You will feel so much better too to be eating home cooked fresh food. Can't be good for either of you eating what you currently are day in day out. You've made me want a shepherd's pie too.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

This thread has inspired me to get off my bum and tidy my kitchen. I've got DS1 off school poorly and the lack of routine is not suiting me.

Back in 15 minutes!

[DeafLeopard]

OP so glad that you posted and got the response you didn't expect. You have come so far to get better, just take small steps.

Bin everything - if you haven't touched it in over a year you probably don't need it.

Laurie you are lovely for helping out

[MadSleighLady]

I would call the elephant removal people just to deal with the fridge. If it has 2 year old stuff in it, it might be a health hazard. You don't want to get dragged down by catching something now that you've started to take control.

[LizaTarbucksAuntie]

Just joining in with the moral support - what an amazing lady you must be, you have turned that around.

[OneOfMyTurnsComingOn]

Dying to read an update from you, op now you have your bin bags!

[Adviceinscotland]

Or look on gumtree/free cycle for a new fridge.

With it being near Xmas a lot of people may be looking to upgrade what they already have, I know when we got our new fridge freezer we gave the old one away for free to anyone that would collect it

[AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow]

Just wanted to join the chorus of go donewith!!!!

You are doing AMAZING, not only to start to deal with/come out of your depression, but to tackle this head on!!! Honestly, you could have walked and you haven't.

Think you should name change after today to ...... TipWithItAll..... Or, IDoneItAll!!!

Keep it up, we are all behind you, and remember Rome wasn't built in a day, your Husband will be so happy to see you on the up and up, you can get your life and home back!!!!!

[DoneWithItAllNow]

One bag of crap in the bin. It was takeaway wrappers, old food wrappers and crap like that. I am wondering whether to get rid of the fridge once it is empty. I could, in theory, look at using money I will get from family at Christmas to replace it if it is insalvageable.

If I can be saved I could buy a handbag and shoes and food to fill it.

[AnyaKnowIt]

No keep the fridge, get a steamer onto it. Save the xmas money for a dishwasher

[Witchety]

Op if those elephant are local to you, then you are local ish to me!!

Do you have a local tip nearby? I have a 7 seater and can lay seats flat and take them to the tip for you?

[2Old2BeAChristmasElf]

Just wanted to add my voice to the support you already have

This could have happened to anyone in your circumstances, keep going, you're doing great! x x x

[Witchety]

The bin bags not the elephants!!

[takataka]

well done! does it look better?

[FivesGoldNorks]

Well done op! Hope you feel you've made a dent

[Nooneelseisallowedafergus]

If the fridge is in a really bad way it is safer to replace. I remember watching an episode of 'how clean is your house?' where the fridge was so bad that even if they cleaned it they couldn't make it safe to store food ( once they'd done the swab test for harmful bacteria ).

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

Good luck DoneWithIt, you will feel great sitting in your house on Christmas day, clutter free.

I had a friend, who was in a similar situation, she had a tiny kitchen with no storage and she just kept piling up and piling up the dishes as there was no where to put them. Eventually we went in to sort it. The amount of things she had for one person, too much food that then went off, too many dishes, she had about 12 mugs, you couldn't fit 12 people in that flat!

So just start buying again but only what you need, less to keep clean and stored.

[Sunnywithachanceofjinglebells]

Well done OP, that's progress.

[fairylightsandtinsel]

keep going OP, this is a fab thread, and everyone will be cheering you on. I'm fairly close but have no free time this weekend or I'd come over too. Well done to Laurie - are you actually Monica from Friends in disguise ? Someone should send THIS to the Daily Mail!! Which journalist is it that always slags us off as harpies?

[DoneWithItAllNow]

The elephant people's phone number puts them about half an hour from me. Tomorrow at about 5am our communal bins will be emptied. I intend to become really unpopular tomorrow with the neighbours by filling them again. If there is more stuff than that then I may have to think again about finding transport.

[SolomanDaisy]

We used these people instead of hiring a skip:

www.anyjunk.co.uk/

They were brilliant. Get garden strength bin bags and chuck out everything. Then get them to collect all the bin bags!

[chrismissymoomoomee]

Well done OP.

I didn't even notice that company also dealt with elephants it must be a massive trap they set for them, and can you imagine the size of cheese they would need to fill it

If you can salvage the fridge then yy to the handbag for yourself.

[SantasLittleElfycat]

I'll third second again the 15 minute at a time thing (also a flylady follower).

I promise myself I get to sit down if I do 15 minutes first. Sometimes I do it with a spring in my step, sometimes I have to drag myself up. But I always feel the cup of tea afterwards is well deserved.

Do what you can today, and a little more tomorrow. But enjoy 15 mins with your feet up from time to time!