Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

I am sobbing having read this thread. This is the best side of MN.

I scrubbed my draining board last night inspired by the thread
Everyone has been so supportive on this thread it has actually made me well up a few times.
OP, you have been amazing, so positive and great at looking forwards.

Good luck today ladies, I'm sure it will be hard but such a sense of acheivement at the end it will surely be worth it.

Hah Mumsnet psychology... I am very house proud and don't actually need to clean today but I bought a load of cleaning products in Sainsburys this morning!

What a heart-rending and inspiring thread. Donewithit Congratulations on having the courage to post and for taking such positive steps.

I would have loved to join in the cleaning angels but am too far away. to Laurie, Jax and anyone else who is involved today.

I too have been motivated into a cleaning frenzy today! Here's to all the avidly cleaning MN-ers inspired by Donewithit

FiercePanda you are my hip socket twin - I will PM you.

Wow DoneWith you really have achieved something amazing. Not only have you taken massive steps with your own life, homes all over the place are a little bit cleaner all because of you!

Can't wait for the update....

Another one in a cleaning frenzy today!! Lord, how much plastic crap can a DD have in her room?

Have only just seen this but I think I'm probably quite near - just over the Herts border. Near Chesham. If you want to get a gang together again another day to finish off, or if you need a car to take stuff to the tip, etc, PM me.

Everyone needs a hand now and then x

Done glad you have talked things through with DH, keep communicating and you can get anything sorted out.

Laura Jax and Anon hope you all have a good day helping Done, enjoy the pizza. And well down for supplying said pizza Chazs

I'll check later for any updates

Can't wait to hear the update. I think before and after pictures are needed!!

How about just the "after" photos, Merry Christmas? I don't think posting the "before" ones would be very kind.

Another one who has been motivated by this thread. I am going to tackle the pockets of shame in my house.

A big snog to the OP and all the helpers.

"I know I'm late to the party but my house is EXACTLY the same"

LewisFan where are you? Seriously.

Yay for the Pizza Fairy! How lovely you are to even think of sorting the lunch out, let alone organising it!

OK, just seen you're in Hertfordshire, LewisFan.

Are you ready to tackle it if a MN Nest of Wipers? turns up to break the back of it?

Having a wee sob at this thread.
As a mark of solidarity we are having pizza for lunch and me and DH are going to do some serious cleaning this afternoon.

Good luck ladies.

Just caught up with this... so lovely and heartwarming! Lovely people here.

You will be fine, one thing at a time and then spend 15 minutes everyday keeping it up rather than letting it slide.

You're inspirational. X

What a lovely thread

Mumsnet at its best.

I was just going to say, I think DownWithItAllnow shouldn't feel under any pressure to have photos taken and put on the Internet.

I think it's really important that if she has any doubts about doing that, she says no to it happening.

I worry that there are a few idiots people who might make judgey remarks, which 99.999999% of people will disagree with, but I don't think DownWithItAll should be put in that position.

Sorry, I don't mean to be a party pooper, it's just something to consider

I love this thread :)

I used to be really, really messy. I suspect I was depressed, looking back. But also naturally scatty and messy anyway!

When I had DD, DP and I tried to get the house ready in time, but although we managed a lot we ran out of time before I went onto labour.

My best friend turned up at the hospital when I was actually in labour, got the keys off DP, and with another friend went and tidied our house. DD was born on Christmas Eve, and we returned home with DD on Christmas day to find the place absolutely spotless - they'd even rearranged all the furniture, and left chocolates and flowers.

Took me bloody months to find everything again! But even so we were delighted, it was such a nice thing for them to do.

Since having DD we've managed to be much tidier. Our home is never going to be a show home, and we do have moments when it looks like it's starting to get out of hand again! But it never does, have managed to (mostly!) turn over a new leaf.

Donewith I hope you have a lovely house for Christmas. And once you've got it clean, you won't look back, I promise!

(Regular but namechanged because people who don't know me well think I'm respectable )

Blurry screen here! Wheres the tissues??
Hope you get lots done. What a fantastic thread.

Op, you are very brave and wish you well. MN cleaning Crew, Very kind of you!

Sorry just seen your post SantasBitch

I agree with you and think its really important that "before" photos aren't put on the Internet.

Qlb I agree. While everyone on this thread is lovely I'm starting to worry whether it might be a bit overwhelming.

Mn is clearly a Nest of Monicas

Sorry! I didn't think, agree before pics might be too much.

I know Fives.

It's a great thing that is happening today and I do think it will be ok if she can keep some privacy.

You can almost guarantee that if photos are printed, some troll will start being nasty. I don't want DoneWith to have to deal with that.

I don't think we need pictures at all, just to know DoneWith is happy would make my day