Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

Hope all is going well I'm going to send DH to his Mums with the DC tomorrow so I can scrub the house!

I have also got off my backside and sorted through some kitchen cupboards today, inspired by this thread!

Hope all is going well, OP.

I'm not crying, I was chopping onions and then got an eyelash stuck...

Well I have just cleared the passage and landing of all christmas boxes, laundry and tools. Sat on sofa feeling proud so god only knows how proud you must be feeling OP, and OPs christmas helpers but I bet it feels fan-bloody-tastic! XXXX

Thanks, Chaz :o

I agree re no pics - except for benefit of done and for her eyes only.

Does anyone else have the A-Team soundtrack in their head today?

I only meant for done to take a picture for herself. I wouldn't dream of suggesting that she posted them. Hope the cleanup is going well.

Nest of Wipers?

Yes good plan winkly

Wonder how they're getting on

Oh me too, have also got cleaning bug good and proper! I've just dusted, hoovered, cleaned bathroom and steam mopped all the way through. Feel bloody fantastic - thank you for your very honest and inspiring thread OP.

Now having a and some lunch and contemplaitng whether to eat it off my new sparkly floor...

Well done done with and all mumsnets little helpers

Well done to all those who have helped :)

Good luck OP, hopefully you're feeling more positive now!!

I think it's entirely up to DoneWith if she wants to do photos or not - but I absolutely, definitely wouldn't want her to feel she has to.

No updates yet? Maybe they're napping after eating too much pizza??

Anyone who has offered to help (either Done or Lewis) I hope you have sent PM's or your offers might get missed !!

I want to go on a cleaning frenzy but these pesky kids get in the way. Its like herding cats! So someone come with a lassoo to mine whilst i take a toothbrush to the taps!

Hardly ever post, but self combusting with what life and Christmas should be about. Talk about the power of love, and amazing, amazing women. Kindness, good will and bravery from you Donewithit. Just wonderful.

Amazing :)

Why am I stupidly excited by this thread? Think it's the loveliness of MN making me feel all squidgy.... nest of vipers indeed.

Hope it's going we'll cleaning crew

well not we'll stoooooopid autocorrect!!!!

This is the first thread ever that I've sat with bated breath.
I've not been feeling that Christmassy at all this year after losing my Mum in May.
And I admit, I've let the house go.
Truly inspiring thread, my house will be sparkly clean tonight.

Lovely thread. Goo dluck today everyone!

Lewis - I am in Herts. Seriously. Shout out if you need us! :)

So I haven't cleaned my house because that's not a problem right now, but my finances are terrifying. I've been living in denial re imminent tax bill + no £ to pay it. Inspired by done I looked at this head on today. No quick fixes, but it feels so much better to be taking action.

So much goodwill on this thread!

to everyone who is being brave and taking action on things that terrify them today.

Well done Harriet :)

Nest of Wipers. I love it.

Hope it's going well.