Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

Ah, nuts. Sorry you've had such a rough day. Tomorrow will be a better day. Imagine firing the cheese sandwich into orbit if it helps. Much sympathy and see if you can Youtube yourself into distraction. Weird Al has a new music video out called "Tacky" which is a parody on "Happy" by Pharell Williams... Or there's always the Hillywood Dr Who version of the TimeWarp...

So sorry to hear you have had such a bad time.

I just pray that tomorrow is better for you.

So sorry you are feeling so crap biscuits. Hope those neutrophils go up soon.

Hope you feel brighter today - sorry you're having such a dreadful time.

x

Sorry to see you are still having a rough time, Biscuits. Can you be given special calorie packed drinks which may be easier for you to stomach?

Was just going to suggest Fortisip or something like that... The chocolate and banana ones are pretty palatable (speaking from experience!).

Praying for an upturn in the situation, and soon. In the meantime, keep going, one step at a time, and please just know how amazing you are for coping so admirably with everything that's been thrown at you this year.

Ps. They usually keep stocks of the stuff in hospitals. I know a few doctors who've admitted to plundering the supplies having skipped lunch due to crazy working schedules!

It sounds beyond crap biscuits

Remember your words and use them as a mantra I love them so much. I just have to keep going

I hope you feel better soon. Hugs x

How is Saturday going Biscuits? X

Horrible, horrible times Biscuits. Nausea is just the worst, most depressing, most debilitating feeling and I hope it starts to go away very soon. The eating part will come back, but very nasty feeling to be so weak from lack of it and I'm so glad you're drinking meantime (especially in heat).

My friend and neighbour is having her second round of full-on inpatient chemo for head and neck cancer, and was horribly sick and nauseated the first time round - I imagine even worse the second time around - and she told me she just lay in the dark wishing it would stop and beyond caring about anything at all. Then a few days later it eased, and suddenly she found herself minding about her hair and realised she must be feeling a lot better. She said it was unimaginable to have cared, a few days earlier.

Am thinking of you both, and wishing time to pass faster somehow xxx

Have not posted for a while biscuits but I read the rhread every day. You and your family are always in my thoughts xx Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Massive cwtches and everything crossed for things to improve .

I haven't posted before, but just wanted to say I think of you often.

I can't begin to imagine the hell you are going through, but you sound such a lovely, strong person who is coping amazingly with adversity.

Hope you're having a better day today.

Meerschweinchen is my favourite german word ever!

Thank you everyone.
I keep thinking about asking them for ensure but then I would have to drink the awful stuff Instead of the coca cola and curly wurly habit thqt is currently keeping me ticking over

Today has been good in that I got some platelets. Am very anaemic so think blood may be on the plan for tomorrow. They are basically keeping my body alive until my bone marrow starts working again after the jolt it had with chemo. Then we get to aee how well control-alt-delete has worked!

Finger crossed that it's been a huge success biscuits.

And whilst you're high on coca cola and curly wurlys, how do you feel about starting a new thread! We need you to be the highlighted one!!!

Hope tomorrow is a good day.

Well platelets are an excellent start. Hopefully the others will follow swiftly. Nothing wrong with a diet of coca cola and biscuits for a short while.

Thinking of you

Control-alt + delete ! Aka the three fingered salute. Love it x

Whatever works for you biscuits is good.

And yes please to new thread, this one is getting dangerously full!

Stay stale from one biskit to another

Go platelets! Enjoy the curly wurly diet xx

The Curly Wurly diet sounds great - stick to what you fancy!!

Keeping everything crossed the CTRL, ALT, DEL has worked and you are ready for the next stage.

Stay stale biscuitty one, stay stale xxx

Fingers crossed for you Biscuits - hoping the reset has worked! Stay stale xx

sending love biscuits xx

Now, see, 'control-alt-delete' is just writerly magic - when your bone marrow has re-booted and you're feeling better, I shall be nagging you again to write

Meantime, hurrah for curly wurlies and platelets, and here's to tomorrow's blood making you feel that bit better again...

Eid Mubarak everyone :-)

Trying to put a happy face on when the kids pop in to open their presents but I want to be with them.

Its like missing Christmas.