Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

3 months done and if you want to cry and scream and rage at the bloody unfairness of it all then go for it.

Not the news we were all hoping for but it sounds like it's another hurdle to get over. It sucks that you'll have to stay in but we will be here to hug you when you are crying and share out the earplugs when you need a nice therapeutic scream. Mumsnet is a busy place so do pop in if you are lonely or bored, there's bound to be someone around to chat to or to tell you daft jokes.

You WILL be home again. You will be around to watch baby R walk and run and start school and get married.

We are all willing this super chemo to do its job and have you back to the biscuit tin as soon as possible

Hope the journey in is simple, and the room ready. With a view out of the window. Preferably something tasteful like Johnny Depp's dressing room.

You WILL beat this biscuits. You are a strong lady, I KNOW you will kick cancers ass.

Biscuitsandbandages: I have followed your thread closely. I don't know if you've seen mine on here, but I am coming at this from the other side of the fence, as I am a stem cell match for my brother, who was diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma at around the same time as your leukemia diagnosis.

I have a date for my medical check up, and it's likely my donation will be about 2 weeks after that. However, my brothers route has had various twists and turns, and at one point his consultants decided to add in an extra phase of treatment. I'm no expert, but I have seen enough to know that treatment has become so sophisticated and personalised now that these doctors really do know what they're doing. Rather than giving a blanket treatment, they will be looking closely at how you respond and adjusting things accordingly. It must be so terribly frustrating for you but I hope you can take a little comfort from that. My brother seemed amazingly well in the early stages of treatment but is taking a hammering on the current one- but then as others have said, they are zapping the cancer with incredibly powerful drugs. Another thing which my brother mentions now and then is that purely from a financial perspective if nothing else, the health service are not going to plough enormous resources without feeling pretty confident that there's a chance of a good outcome. Transplants don't come cheap... Your consultant is expecting yours to go ahead, just with extra preparation beforehand to give it the best chance of being effective in the long term.

Feel free to pm me if you want and I can tell you where and when my dates are, in case it's helpful for you just to chat online. And if it happens to be the same hospital you can perhaps give me some tips!

Im here.
Crying on a hospital bed instead of mine but at least I turned up. Signed the chemo consent form. Here we go......

Sending lots of love to you and your brother Lines. You are doing an amazing thing and I hope pray and wish every good thing for you both. .. heres to a cure!

Glad you're there and signed up for the next stage of getting well again biscuits!

Lines - best wishes to you and your DB - and brilliant that you've been able to 'speak' to biscuits from the other side of things.

Go for it Biscuits. Remember if the chemo is tough on you it will be tough on the pesky leukaemic cells too.

First day done. You've done well.

Well done biscuits! One step closer to much better.

Thinking of you too lines. Such an amazing thing you are doing. I hope your DB is getting there

Ooh, you mentioned it might be about 25 days... You need an advent calendar to help you count down! Not a proper Christmas one, obviously, but one of those chocolate, Peppa Pig etc type ones, that have very limited connections to Christmas or religion, but do help you count down 25 days!

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/121223470566?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=108&device=t&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=108&ff19=0

Would that break the quarantine rules though?!

Nice work brave lady. I hope you have a good sleep. Did chemo start today or is it tomorrow?

I love the countdown calendar idea, you deserve a little (well big actually) treat everyday

Oh Biscuits, so sorry that you are back in hospital instead of snuggled up with Baby R. What a complete arsebiscuit as my husband would say ! (those aren't the edible kind!!!)
Stay positive - 25 days will fly by, just like December and it's only 1/3 of the time that you'll already been ill.
Well done for turning up , that took courage. You ARE going to fight this and WIN for you, Mr Biscuits and the crumbs. One day you'll look back and this time will seem a million miles away. Sending love and good luck for the chemo. Hope you are remembering to eat little and often before nausea sets in. You need your strength to fight the evil cellsxxxx

Hello biscuits, well done for getting back in there. I hope you get off to a good sleep too and get all your technology sorted for skype calls with the crumbs.

Day one over!
Had my first injection and had my line dressings all changed ready for tomorrow.

Still feeling very tearful but I can do this.

I love the countdown idea but it might be too upsetting if my counts are slower. Some people take a month or more :-(

I have a weird horrid feeling in my chest from where they flushed the picc line lots. Going to try and sleep it off. I happens sometimes but uts annoying x

goodnight Biscuits - sleep well.

Hi, sorry not been on for a while! I had multiple try's at different regimes, I know mine was a different blood cancer but I got their in the end, you can too! Giving up is not an option, you can get through this & you will for your kids!! Long hospital stays are crap but it's a job you have to do! I didn't count down from the beginning I'd aim to get past the first week then before I knew it I'd be half way through and I'd then start counting! You'll be having your transplant before you know it!!

You are so brave just for showing up and walking in that hospital door. Well done on getting through today. X

Well done on getting through day one. I hope you had a good sleep and your chest feels better.

Good luck with day 2.

Hope you had a good night biscuits - and that Day 2 is kind to you. x

Eye drops?
4 times a day?
What new torture is this?

I dont dooo eyes!!!!!!!!

Oh dear - they're certainly not giving you time to get bored!

Eyes make me squeamish too. You can do it! Think of your eyes as a pickled onion instead?

why eye drops?

If you like the countdown idea could you start from the worst case scenario? 35 days maybe? That way if your counts are slow you're covered but if they are faster then you get out earlier than expected

Cytarabine causes chemival conjunctivitis :-(

Ive also discovered that fludarabine causes awful sickness despite antisickness meds. Great.

Thats a good idea..... baby R will be 6m on 15th August. I want to be home for her half birthday (we are celebrating every 3m just in case)

T-30 today