Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

Morning Biscuits!

Beautiful first post.

Re. the mat leave, my friend had PND during her mat leave. When it was tine fir ger to go back her doctor signed her off for some time si she could actually do what she should have been doing and enjoy her baby for a while. I am sure this would more than apply to you.

Hope today is a good one xxx

And weebarra - how are things with you now?

biscuits - I'm ok, I also have two boys the same age as yours! I have my mastectomy on Tuesday and radiotherapy after that. Very dull.

Wow, weebarra will be thinking of you too. This thread is truly humbling!

I take it you're in Scotland with a name like that ?

Morning biscuits. Keep fighting!

4 weeks done, fab job biscuits, onwards we go cheering for those neutrophils.

Sending very positive thoughts to you, weebarra and anyone else who needs them

Mini biscuits is so very gorgeous

4 weeks done already. You go Biscuits!!!
Joining you on your new thread to cheer you on

weebarra, that's really tough
Will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Another very strong woman by the sound of it. All best wishes & unmunsnetty hugs to you as well as biscuits. X

I'm here fully supporting you & firmly believing in your personal statistics.

Unfortunately I can't see the photo of your DD as I'm on my phone but I'm sure she's beautiful & that your boys are too.

Regarding your work, is it not worth keeping them informed so they can support you? I know if one of my employees were going through this whilst on ML, I'd like to know in order to do what I could for them & also be prepared for a longer period of them being off work - fully preparing for them returning when they were well enough.

Morning biscuits, you're already doing it! Day to day you'll get there!! Hand holding here!! But you'll be home having night long cuddles before you know it! X

Hi Biscuits, best wishes and more hand holding to you and all the other amazing, inspirational women on this thread.

Your daughter is truly scrumptious !

Lovely new thread and inspiring words Biscuits.

Baby biscuits is adorable. I'm so glad you had so a lovely snuggle with her last night.

Xx

Hi biscuits - yes your personal odds are pretty good all things considered :-) such a lovely image of you falling asleep with babybiscuits . If you need a delicious dose of vitamins and minerals to offset the hobnobs I can send some virtual nettle soup - I have a pot on the hob ATM - no honestly, it's surprisingly delicious

weebarra you are truly a biscuit! Please stay on the thread and keep us updated as we are taking the journey together. Cancer sucks! I will be keeping everything crossed for you on Tuesday and if you don't mind I will be praying for your full and absolute recovery with every prayer for my own xx

Work know what is happening. I told them quite quickly as they are friends aswell and the medical world is a small one. Some of my doctors are related to my colleagues!

He a lovely visit from my little ones already today and feeling very positive. Neutrophils up to 0.22 if they hit 1 not only can I start phase 2 but I can also do it from home!

Had a really constructive discussion with the registrar again who is extremely knowledgable and gave me a quick haematology teaching session so now I feel I understand my results and most importantly have them all! Apart from the fact that this is T cell and T cell is aggressive and cruel in adults........ There are no particularly worrying results that suggest mine might act in a weird way and we have a plan I am happy with as far as the heart fluid issue is concerned.

I can't quite believe this is happening still but equally I can't believe how life as found a new 'normal' over the past week or so and my head is much clearer to process things.

I've found an ap for my phone to graph my blood count so I can do away with pieces of paper everywhere and I feel I am more in control of my health. I will not say my illness. I am not ill. I just have some invaders in my bone marrow...... They are not the messiah.... They are very naughty boys and they can sit on the naughty step and think about what they have done!

Hello Biscuits! I love the idea of you sending your bone marrow invaders to the naughty step - where your boys can then zap them with potato guns or something!

Still thinking of you and cheering your neutrophils on towards a count of 1.

weebarra will be thinking of you on Tuesday and onwards to recovery.....

You should tell the cells that their behaviour is 'unasseptable'.

Either that or you imagine a huge game of space invaders where you have limitless ammunition to shoot the buggers (as they scroll across teh screen) and can hide behind nice huge MN's who are impervious to their bullets so always provide a safe haven

Love it Biscuits, onwards and upwards and two fingers up to the horrible wee cells!

I am delurking from your previous thread to send and to say that your positivity is inspiring.

Biscuits in general health there's a tamoxifen thread but it's for anyone with cancer if you ever want to come over and talk about anything you'd be very welcome. We all understand the worries and how crap it is. Best wishes to you

Biscuits your last post had me in stitches! Not the messiah

Humor is great & I am so thrilled to hear you using it.

Go biscuits I'm urging your neutrophils onwards. I think it's brilliant that through knowledge you are taking charge. You WILL be home soon saying 'go to the naughty corner ' to those boys and being cuddled non stop by the whole family.
I'm glad that you have a team that you trust and a good registrar. We do our best. If you were my patient I would be rooting for you all the way too. Chin up. X

It always seems to hit me at night. Not upset tonight but disbelieving that this is even happening. It's just all too surreal and sitting here feeling pretty much normal bar the numb fingers adds so much to that. This time next week I should know if the chemo is working and get a better idea of my chance of survival. That's weird. I want to know.... but im scared to leave this safe illusion of good health and hope. Until then is just a waiting game

The waiting and uncertainty must be so hard to bear. It is very hard not knowing and having to trust, believe and pray. Just try to stay in the surreal moment, think of your children's beautiful faces and know there are virtual hands holding yours around the world and around the clock. Xx

Hi biscuits, only just found your thread. Middle of the night is always when those nasty fears and worries manage to sneak in. .... It is a waiting game. But I firmly believe that a positive attitude is paramount in beating these naughty invaders and you ave a fantastic one.