Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

Oh no biscuits. It must be so hard to accept that normal simple things are not possible at the moment. I hope you feel well enough to see them soon.

Rats. I'm very sorry to hear that. Is there anything else you can do for Eid in preparation?

Keep strong Biscuits. Thinking of you here and hoping that you have a few more cookies tomorrow.

Biscuits- have been catching up on your thread after lack of Internet on holiday- It feels wrong that many of us are enjoying the great weather and family time whilst you are having the worst of times- yet i can see you are still deftly swiping away anything the treatment throws at you and continuing to face up to all of its demands with a steadfastness which is utterly awe-inspiring. You so deserve for next summer to be a celebration of your having beaten this. My thoughts are still regularly with you, as are my prayers for your continued mental strength and physical progress xxx

Aw boo. Come on, neutrophils, get yourself up a bit!

Pompoms>!

Hope they come up soon: can DH smuggle in pressies and wrapping paper?

Ah Biscuits, that's awful. Thinking of you.

So sorry to hear you didn't get let out.

Small & tiny consolation is that this thread is nearly full & you need to think of a new title for the next one.

I think of you often, should a thought from a random stranger help.

Cone ON neutrophils get your act together! !

Pom Pom

IWIWMO does the neutrophil dance again!

So sorry that they didn't play ball to get you out for a few hours today biscuits. I really hope things pick up for you soon.

Xxx

Really sorry you didn't get out for a few hours :( What a disappointment for you. Hope the nausea subsides and you can start eating again in time for Eid.

Hey. You're on strong medication. To batter your bone marrow. And the neutrophils are casualties of friendly fire. But it has to be done. The drugs are necessary to kill off the leukaemic cells. The downsides are terrible. But you are in this for the upside, for the cure. You are enduring what needs to done. I hope you are feeling ok and will wake tomorrow full of hope.

Oh that's pants that you didn't get to temporarily escape but the fact that they were even considering it so soon after you've finished chemo must be a good sign?

Time for the mumsnet cheerleading squad to break out the pom-poms to encourage your poor battered neutrophils to recover quickly.

T minus 23, come on neutrophils, we have a very important milestone ahead

Pom poms being waved wildly here. Thinking of you.

Pom poms waving in the air

Enduring sounds about right!

Well I had a good cry then dusted myself off and the kids came in for a picnic and watched a dvd so they were happy. I love them so much. I just have to keep going.

Day 10 today dont know what the neutrophils are yet but suspect zero. Trying a day without the antisickness meds and doing ok so far. Just very sleepy. Stupid 4gee wifi router wont work. Its connexted and says signal strong but wont load any pages so im working on a plan for more data as nearly run my phone out.

Glad you got to see the little biscuits - you are doing SO brilliantly Biscuits, am in awe of your strength. Keep going - we're still here, cheering you on and waving our pompoms.
x

Biscuits I'm sure many of us would chip into a fund to help you get more wifi or for treats in hospital. Just putting it out there.

^I love them so much. I just have to keep going.^

I nominate this for your next thread title.

Still here biscuits, still rooting for you.

Glad you at least had a visit from the three crumbs and enjoyed a picnic and dvd. That is fabulous!!

Are neutrophils supposed to be low at this stage of treatment (apologies if this is not a suitable question)

Will root for them to rise forthwith so you can have a mini-escape at the earliest opportunity!!

Stay stale xx

Evening. So sorry to hear they had dropped prior to your mini break :( but glad you got picnic time. Hope the DVD was suitably Disney and fun. I hope the neutrophils rise soon. Did you make the day without meds? Eid is Monday? Is that right? So there's still time to wrap the gifts? Take care. Cherry juice? Didn't even know it existed !

I hope you are feeling less nauseated and are able to enjoy more of the homemade chocolate brownies and cherry juice.

Keep going biscuits and come on neutrophils.

Shit shit shit shit shit day
Mainly lying on bed and sobbing
Neutrophils zero so homemade cakes are out (strict neutropenic diet) even if I could stomach anything.
Ive been looking at a cheese sandwich for half an hour and I just cant do it.
Am actually weak and dizzy from not eating. Keeping juice going as much as I can. I just cant eat.

Its all normal and expected.
Just awful to experience.

oh, you poor poor woman - this is so unfair on you and anyone suffering from this bastard bastard disease. It is such a selfish pig :(

It is the treatment that is making you so poorly though - you have chosen to fight this fight, do hang on to that - i imagine that it gives you more control to feel this is something that you are "doing" rather than having done to you, if that makes sense?

Thank you. Yes and it helps to be reminded that I do still have some control. So much has been taken away.