Can he stop his baby's mother moving away before the birth?

[Sadgie]

His baby mum to be is 5 months pregnant and has told him she plans to move back to her parents home which is rural and 2.5 hours away by car, he doesn't drive. She presented this as a done deal, has had a transfer of office base for her job etc, wants to raise child where she grew up.
She has lived in the same city as him for the decade he has known her.
He is devastated as can't see how he can be an involved dad as he wanted to be now. He has signed up to driving lessons in quite a defeated way, reluctant to get legal advice as doesn't want to start things off badly.
They were in the same friendship group for a long time, never in a relationship. They got together in the wake of them both breaking up with their long term partners. Son thinks she's embarrassed and doesn't really want him in the picture.
Is there anything he can do to prevent her moving? I appreciate she may want more support in new parenthood but as she's planning permanent relocation it's going to mean they have a dad at long distance for the whole of their childhood.

Having been a single parent to a DC who had a totally absent father, and knowing what I know now about the challenges of parenting practically and financially, if I were in this woman’s position in a town with no family support aside from the baby’s dad, I would want really clear endeavours from him. Him just popping round when he’s not in work/when it suits him would not be good enough for me in comparison to living by my family.

When she goes back to work, who is arranging and paying for child care? Are you going to commit to any child care for set days of the week? Is your son going to pay half the nursery fees?

Is your son going to adjust his working hours around being a parent, like other parents have to? Is he going to have his DC for half of each week on agreed days, or if not half of the week - at least for set days every week so that she can actually plan her week too?

Is he going to take the DC to half of their appointments? Eye tests, dentists etc? Leave work if DC is sent home from nursery? Book half days off to watch DC on sports days? Parents evenings? Or will she just be expected to be the one who takes time off work for this?

Has he got a room in his flat/house he’s going to furnish and decorate for his DC?

Aren't you a little charmer?
The point is he has choices BEFORE he gets her pregnant, and that is when he should make them, not crying about it afterwards. Women also have no say in getting pregnant by your "logic", they magically find themselves pregnant and then either are forced to have a child or an abortion, because thats biology.
Obviously he has no rights over her body afterwards, but that's very different to claiming men get no say at all.

And when a woman has unprotected sex and ends up pregnant that's fine of course. 🤷

So to conclude - all Men are bastards and bad Dads and when a woman gets pregnant after knowingly having unprotected sex, it's still the man's fault because we hate men.
He's a man so he's automatically a bad father, we don't give chances because he'll fuck up and only the woman gets to make any decisions about the child and bastard men need to keep away and mind their own business but then we'll slate him for not being present enough. The Birth Certificate is not a legal document that is important for the child as well, it's a bargaining tool, only to be used to show who is in control here. Same applies to Grandparents - we hate them too. Anyone who thinks otherwise must be a pick me because there's no way a woman can actually stand up for a man.

So why the fuck did she have sex after missing pills? She made choices too!

They get a say in using protection the same as a women does but ultimated it is the woman's choice what happens after the deed. Woman always gets to choose.

Yes he should have used his own choice of contraception but if the condom broke he stil wouldn't have a choice and I bet hel still be the one in the wrong lol How dare he have a penis.😂😂

It's not weird. This entire thread is poisonous. He's been written off as a bad father who doesn't deserve to be on the birth certificate and she's a poor pregnant single mum

She was a willing participant too

lol exactly this.

I really don't understand how this girl is the victim in all this when she admitted didn't take her pill, slept with her mates ex and then is moving miles away.

If she really didn't want the baby she wouldn't have it. She obviously didn't care about getting pregnant if she was so lax about the pill.

What on earth are you talking about? No one claimed she didn’t.
They were both stupid and now they share a child with someone they barely know. It’s the consequences of their own actions.
No one’s saying the woman is some sort of higher being here.

She could have taken her pills. She knew.

That's exactly what everyone is saying. It's the point of the whole thread and it's really sad.

She absolutely knew

I mean it’s not the point of the thread at all.

I think you’ve misunderstood my post. Of course it’s both of their responsibility to practice safe sex.

I haven’t written the father off, I said in an earlier post he appears to be taking steps to show his commitment to his child - driving and financially, that’s a start isn’t it. He might be a wonderful father but she’s still pregnant, it’s a long road ahead and nobody knows how things will pan out. Those who’ve suggested keeping him off the birth certificate (I didn’t actually say this but explained why that could be wise) are erring on the side of caution.

No we don’t know what type of mother this woman will be but it’s a positive sign that she’s prioritising her and her baby’s support network. That’s a start.

I don’t think either of their parents to be sound terrible, they’re trying to make the best of things but because they’re not together that looks different for each of them.

I haven’t given the OP a hard time either, it’s understandable that she’s worried and is feeling unsure about her relationship with her future grandchild. But there isn’t anything she can do about that now. I don’t think she should interfere but it doesn’t seem like she is so far, just asking a question on mumsnet. This is for her son to sort and he seems to be doing that. Hopefully she can still have a good relationship with the child once they’re born but it will likely be different from if her son was in a relationship with the mum and they lived a short distance away.

This is so weird. There is no man hating on that post or anywhere in this thread ? Of course he absolutely does not and should not get a say in where this woman lives and of course she deserves and needs to be somewhere she has support as she will inevitably be the primary caregiver and is the one giving up her body for 9 months. No one is saying dad shouldn’t be allowed to see the child, but his life will remain largely unchanged for now
You can't see the man hating because you yourself are full of prejudice.

Giving up her body ..oh please, that doesn't mean in anyway that he has less rights as a parent!

Should be allowed to see the child....that phrase really show your sexism! The word ALLOWED has no place here. Fathers are not allowed to see their children, they have the rights to do so.

Duplicate post

If the father has parental responsibilities, yes a court can stop the mother and child moving abroad

I've always struggled with how the dad seems to have so little say. Don't bother with he could have worn a condom as she could have used contraception before and after too if she didn't want a baby. But the baby is both theirs and once it is here it should be treated as such.

I wouldn't waste your time OP. It's only Grandparents and Stepparents that are held in lower regard than Fathers on here, A pregnant woman is a martyr who can't do a thing wrong. I say this as a mum myself. I have been in complete and utter despair at this thread.

No, he can’t have parental responsibility until a child is a child born.

He has no parental responsibilities whatsoever legally until the baby is born, there is no law (in the UK at least) that could stop a pregnant woman moving abroad unless they already have children together and he therefore had parental responsibilities connected to those other children.

I think we can all agree that you cannot get parental responsibility for an unborn child. You can, however, apply after the child is born. I think that is what people mean in their posts.

I feel sorry for the child in this scenario, it deserves to have contact with its father. Personally I think it is unacceptable for the pregnant woman to set up a scenario that is likely to prevent this, at least initially. But if she does move the best thing your son can do is learn to drive and get a job near her and be as involved as he can. But i do have to question why the woman would have made the decision if your son was showing himself to be a supportive partner and potentially good father.

But this situation is a pregnant woman moving, he cannot stop her in any legal way.
Not sure why people would say “if he has parental responsibility” specifically relating to this if they understand he can’t have legal rights yet.